


I’ve Been Facing Trouble Almost All My Life My Sweet Love, Won’t You Pull Me Through?

by EmJayAnders



Category: Archie Comics, Archie Comics & Related Fandoms, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of conversion therapy, Slow Burn, Tags will probably be added, a look at Toni and Cheryl's relationship, canon with added scenes, canon-typical stuff, descriptions of conversion therapy, i don't know how to tag, mentions of abuse, nothing too graphic but there are descriptions of procedures, set during 2x10 onwards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-04-22 22:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14318268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmJayAnders/pseuds/EmJayAnders
Summary: Cheryl Blossom was a great many things; the resident HBIC of Riverdale High, the captain of the River Vixens and the potential heiress to a maple syrup empire. Cheryl Blossom was not, however, what she appeared.Cheryl Blossom had spent the past 17 years of her young life cultivating the perfect image; she was beautiful, intelligent, resourceful and above all in charge. 17 years of lying to everyone in order to maintain the façade of a well-put-together young woman.ORCheryl Blossom is a beautiful mess who just wants someone to love her, maybe Toni Topaz could be that someone?(A look at Cheryl and Toni's relationship progression throughout the season: canon-compliant with extra bits added in)





	1. I fall to pieces when I'm with you

**Author's Note:**

> So I sold my soul to Choni, what a surprise.  
> I watched bits and pieces of season two, just little bits here and there and ALL of Cheryl and Toni's scenes so I don't really know whats going on with everyone else?? But like I don't really care cause my gays are thriving and that's what I'm here for.  
> \---------  
> Title taken from Trouble- Cage the Elephant

 

Cheryl Blossom was a great many things; the resident HBIC of Riverdale High, the captain of the River Vixens and the potential heiress to a maple syrup empire.

Cheryl Blossom was not, however, what she appeared.

If you asked any of her Vixen teammates, Cheryl was a woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it. If you were to ask a Riverdale Freshman they would tell you she was a force to be reckoned with, a hurricane of red lipstick and auburn curls. Upon asking her classmates they would tell you that Cheryl was an immovable object, a queen on her throne that ruled with an iron fist and poison dripped words. No one would even think to say that Cheryl Blossom was a good liar because as far as anyone was concerned she wasn’t.

Cheryl Blossom had spent the past 17 years of her young life cultivating the perfect image; she was beautiful, intelligent, resourceful and above all in charge. 17 years of lying to everyone in order to maintain the façade of a well-put-together young woman whose only concern was what heels she should pair with her new red sweater.

And, so the lying began, and continued and never seemed to stop. The image upheld, the façade stayed in place and Cheryl lived a life devoid of truth.

Jason was the only person that Cheryl didn’t have to lie to. All her life it had always been just she and Jason, but as they got older and Jason began to be educated in the family business Cheryl found herself without an ounce of truth and without her only friend.

Cheryl Blossom was never one to believe in fate, but just as one friend was taken from her a new one waltzed into her life in the form of Heather Brookes

A whirlwind of blonde hair, cherry lips and blue eyes that Cheryl wanted nothing more than to drown in, Heather quickly became everything to the love-starved redhead and soon what was a fast friendship became first love.

It didn’t last.

Penelope Blossom saw to that.

When Heather was taken from her, Cheryl felt the first of many cracks in her meticulously crafted façade. After that, walls of steel, concrete and barbed wire fortified her heart; she didn’t love again, love was too risky, too volatile and above all dangerous. The image had to be preserved, love wouldn’t allow for that.

A few more fractures found their way into the façade, a particularly hard slap from her mother, a condescending remark from her father but the deepest of these fractures came from her mother’s favoured insult. _Deviant._ Cheryl heard it so many times she could perfectly recreate the enunciation of her mother’s voice in her own mind.

_Deviant. Deviant. Deviant._

The cracks were beginning to intersect, weaving and splintering until the image of Cheryl Blossom was invisible behind the spiderweb of hairline ruptures and jagged cracks. The final blow that shattered Cheryl was losing Jason.

_Jason._

Her JJ was taken away from her by her very own father. He stole from her the one person who understood, the one person who brought her joy when everyone else only brought misery.

After Jason’s murder and her father’s suicide, Cheryl’s image was in pieces and the walls around her heart beginning to crumble, but after burning Thornhill and getting just a small fragment of revenge against her mother she donned the mask once again and rebuilt her walls three stories higher.

Cheryl regained control and sat atop her Riverdale High School throne once more, so when it was announced that the Southsiders would be invading her kingdom, the redhead was less than pleased.

She rallied the troops, painted her lips in the brightest red war-paint and crashed Veronica’s little ‘Welcome Party’. Veronica and her ginger puppy tried to stop her in their typical ‘try to do good despite us being bad people’ routine but that wasn’t what grabbed her attention. No, it was the tiny firecracker of a girl with pink hair that squared up to her that really took Cheryl by surprise.

“Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face?” The snarl of her words and the fire in her eyes threw Cheryl for a millisecond, no one, _no one_ stood up to Cheryl Blossom and came out of it alive.

“Happily, Queen of the Buskers.” Cheryl spat back, venom dripping from every word and an unfamiliar anxiety fluttering in her chest.

It was a feeling she had only felt once before.

Blonde curls and ocean eyes flashed through her mind for only a moment but it was enough for Cheryl to recognise and quash the next second.

Not again.

Never again.

 

* * *

 

A couples only retreat. _Of_ _course_.

Cheryl didn’t know why she kept associating with Cousin Betty and the Scooby gang, after the whole blackmailing escapade it was very clear what they thought of her. So why it bothered her so much that they very obviously excluded her, she didn’t know. She got her revenge anyway, spilling a secret in a phone call was oh so simple and no doubt effective, a small smile tugged at her lips before she reconsidered. _When did I become so cruel?_

“Did you just tell Jughead that Archie and Betty kissed?”

There she was again, that pink-haired Southside scum, once again talking to her as if Cheryl wasn’t the terrifying bitch that the rest of Riverdale thought of her to be.

“Yes,” She answered coolly, trying not to let the girl get under her skin like she so effortlessly had a week earlier. “so what if I did?” Cheryl finished applying her signature red lipstick. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the Serpent, Toni, her name was, turn to face Cheryl.

“Did you at least have a reason?” Cheryl tried not to roll her eyes, or let on to just how much her palms were sweating.

“Oh, that’s right…you’re new here.” She turned, channelling all the confidence and disaffectedness she knew how to muster and donned the mask like she had so many times before. “Hi, I’m Cheryl Blossom- AKA Cheryl Bombshell. Which means, I need no reasons; I simply, am. Feel free to tremble.” Perfect. Unaffected, completely in charge and just the right amount of bitchy. _That should do it._ She turned away, fixed her red hair and waited for the girl to leave.

“I have a better idea.”

Fuck.

She wasn’t going away.

Cheryl’s hands began to sweat, palms becoming clammy and she gripped the basin for a moment to steady herself. “Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”. _She doesn’t care_. A voice that sounded suspiciously like her mother’s called out from the back of her mind. _Deviant._

Cheryl turned, heart pounding behind its concrete walls and her eyes dropped to the pink-haired girl’s lips for just a moment, a moment of weakness that would not be happening again anytime soon. “Clearly…you’re in a lot of pain.” Cheryl’s eyes snapped to the hand that rested gently on her bicep, for a second she revelled in a touch that wasn’t a slap from her mother before reality kicked in and she controlled her wandering mind.

“Get your Sapphic serpent hands _off_ my body!” She slapped the smaller girl’s hand away with a force she didn’t know she could muster and stormed from the bathroom.

_Deviant, deviant, **deviant.**_

That Serpent was bad news and Cheryl could feel it pulsing through her veins. She was a stepping stone to a life that the redhead desperately craved and could never have. She was the spark to light the flame and Cheryl knew she would only get burned.

 

* * *

 

 

In her 17 years on this Earth Cheryl learned the key to survival in the Blossom family was _pick your battles_. For the majority of her life, she had executed this mantra flawlessly, there were a few hiccups here and there but most of the time the redhead knew when she had the upper hand and exploited it.

She had the upper hand after Thornhill burned.

She had the upper hand when she lay in wait for Hal Cooper.

She thought she had the upper hand when her mother confronted her.

Her mother’s vice-like grip on her wrist surprised her, causing Cheryl to spin and face her. “You’ve never known love, Cheryl.”

She had loved Heather. She had loved Jason.

“Except to rip it apart.” Cheryl’s eyes began to well with tears as she locked eyes with her mother. “You are a jealous, spite-filled, starving emotional anorexic.” _She’s right, she’s always right._

Cheryl was starving for love and there was no one there to give it to her. She longed for affection, for kindness, for something other than hate and abuse. The words had frozen her, she couldn’t even flinch away from the caress of her mother’s gloved finger under her chin as she spat venom at her before pushing her aside on her route to the parlour.

The walls around her heart trembled at the thought of love, she had only known it once and look how that ended up; a broken girl who wore red because it was the perfect shade to contrast her skin-tone and not at all as a constant reminder of the ocean-eyed girl who wore the exact same shade. Cheryl’s lip trembled and she wrapped her arms around herself in a futile attempt to recreate the affection she so hungrily craved.

 

Poison dripped from Cheryl’s very essence that day at school and the other Riverdale students could sense it. As she strutted down the hallway, students parted like the red sea for her, all except one- the Serpent girl who had occupied Cheryl’s thoughts far more than she’d care to admit. “Out of the way, Southside scum.” She spat as she approached, the girl turned, smirk playing at her pink lips that Cheryl struggled not to stare at.

“I’m fine where I am thanks.” She began to turn away again, hair flipping over her shoulder as she went, sending a hint of pomegranate scent Cheryl’s way. It was intoxicating in all the wrong ways and it just fuelled Cheryl’s fire.

“Listen welfare wench, I don’t have time for your high and mighty Southside Sapphic routine today so why don’t you just get _out_ of my way.” Cheryl knew it was too far, she could see it in Toni’s eyes, the way she blinked just a little too hard in the exact same way that Cheryl did when she was trying not to cry. Cheryl swallowed thickly, blinking just a bit more firmly and sauntered away, heels clicking down the linoleum hall.

 

* * *

 

Moans and grunts filtered through the thin walls of Thistlehouse into Cheryl’s room, seeing her mother’s clients enter the house was bad enough, never mind hearing them so clearly enjoying her mother’s…company. She grabbed her headphones, putting them on and blasting some mindless playlist but it did nothing to block out the ever-increasing moans. She ripped the headphones from her head, homework forgotten and grabbed her coat before hurrying out of her mother’s sex den.

Cheryl drove for half an hour before she finally decided on a destination; the movie theatre seemed like a good idea, dark room, cheesy movie and most importantly far away from Penelope and her prostitute antics. _Love, Simon_ was the only thing playing so Cheryl reluctantly bought herself a ticket and moved to the concessions stand.

As she paid for her drink a familiar voice met her ears, “Let me guess…some cherry cola for Cheryl Bombshell.” The Southsider, _of course_. The redhead’s shoulders tensed involuntarily and she turned stiffly to face Toni.

“My God, what do you want? And why do you keep stalking me?” Cheryl asked, folding her arms and not at all stealing glances at Toni’s lips…again.

“I’m not! I came to see this movie with Fangs and he bailed on me.” Toni’s eyes were a beautiful shade of brown, deep and dark and all too easy to get lost in. Cheryl caught herself before the other girl noticed her staring, shifting uncomfortably in an attempt of showing distaste. She lowered her eyes, façade falling all too easily. “Are you okay?” there it was again, that caring look, those three words and the feeling that this Southsider may actually give a shit about her. The redhead was about to fire off some quip, some scathing remark but Cheryl was tired, tired of the game the two had been playing, tired of maintaining the mask and mostly tired of lying about the feelings the pink-haired girl sparked in her. Maybe it was time to stop fighting and just be honest, it would be nice to let someone in again.

“I’m alone at the movies.” Cheryl sighed, leaning back against the counter “And I’m trying to stay away from my mother who has turned our house into her sexual playpen.” Toni’s expression said it all, that was definitely not what she expected to hear. Cheryl pressed her lips together, nodding slowly “So, no…I’m really not.” Those dark brown eyes held the expression of someone who was seeing Cheryl Blossom for the first time, the _real_ Cheryl.

The scared little girl who lied so her parents would love her.

The girl who so desperately wanted a friend.

The woman who just wanted love.

“Well, I was gonna go grab a seat alone.” Toni cocked her head to the side, a smile tugging at the left side of her mouth. “Unless you want some company?” Soon it was Cheryl who had a smile pulling at her lips, and just the hint of grateful tears in her eyes. “But, no pressure.” It was a long time since Cheryl had been given a choice, usually, it was just orders from her mother, especially since JJ died. The fact that Toni, despite everything Cheryl had said to her, that Cheryl made her feel, still wanted to give her that choice was overwhelming and made it all too easy for the redhead to grab her cola, take a sip and follow the Serpent into the theatre.

 

* * *

 

 

Cheryl Blossom did not cry at movies.

Not since Heather.

And yet here she was crying silently at a cheesy teen movie all because it hit far too close to home for her. Simon was a little too relatable a character and his story resurfaced memories and feelings that Cheryl was certain she had fortified behind the concrete walls deep within her heart.

So, when Toni invited her for milkshakes at _Pop’s_ Cheryl couldn’t say no- later she would call it a moment of weakness, brought on by the emotional lapse she suffered during the movie. Deep down she knew that wasn’t true.

_Deviant._

But being with Toni didn’t feel wrong, it felt the complete opposite. For the first time since Jason died, Cheryl felt like herself, maybe for the first time since Heather. They ordered their milkshakes, chocolate for Toni and strawberry for herself, retrieving them before settling in at the bar. The two sat in silence, Cheryl scared to say something she’d regret and Toni no doubt regretting inviting Cheryl here in the first place.

_She doesn’t care about you, who could?_

“You know, you may think you’ve mastered the art of silent tears but I saw you crying during that movie, Cheryl.”

Shit.

The redhead turned, abandoning her untouched milkshake to glance at Toni nervously before breaking the eye contact once more, all too aware of what she would see in those mesmerising brown irises.

“Oh, I never cry at movies.” Cheryl tried to brush it off, gloss over the topic like she had flawlessly done for years but found herself unable to do so. “Real life is tragic enough…” she trailed off for a moment, debating whether or not to continue “But…” she took a shaky breath, tears already threatening to fall “when Simon’s mom said he used to be such a carefree kid growing up, and then, at a certain point he stopped being that happy kid, ‘cause he was hiding his secret just-” She’d said too much, she was leaving herself open again and that was a dangerous game to play, Cheryl almost regretted opening up but then Toni was looking at her like she was the most important person in the world.

 _“Cheryl…”_ The way Toni said her name made her breath catch in her throat; it was so gentle, so caring, it almost broke her.

Cheryl had spent 3 years building the walls that kept her distant, unaffected, _safe_ and of all people, it was a pink-haired Southside Serpent who had managed in a few hours to bring them crashing down around her.

The tears were just beginning to pour from her eyes and Cheryl was ashamed and liberated at the same time for being so transparent, so _weak_. Or maybe she was being strong. She couldn’t tell anymore. “Everyone thinks I’m this loveless monster.”

_Deviant._

_Whore._

_Ungrateful._

_Spiteful._

_Loveless._

**_Monster._ **

“But it’s not true.” Cheryl didn’t dare look up at Toni, afraid of the expression she would see, the pity, the confusion, the anger even. But mostly Cheryl was afraid that if she looked at her that she would lose her nerve. “I loved someone, who loved me.” She had never told anyone about Heather, her mother made sure of it. Jason had guessed the reasoning behind Penelope’s fury three years ago but Cheryl had never actually recounted the story aloud to another person. “and my mother destroyed it.”

“You mean your brother Jason?” Toni’s voice was oh so tender, barely above a whisper as if she was scared she might spook Cheryl, the caring tone was music to the redhead’s ears and caused the tears to finally fall. “I heard how close you guys were.”

“No, not JJ.” Cheryl paused for a moment, her mouth fumbling over her next words. _Deviant._ Her mother’s face flashed in the back of her mind as she stuttered. “H-her name was, Heather.” Her voice got stronger as she spoke and she finally plucked up the courage to look at Toni once more, whose eyes shone with a mixture of understanding and sorrow. Cheryl looked away, the emotions broiling behind the brown irises almost becoming too much as she lost herself in the memories of the hurricane that was Heather. “She was my _best_ friend in Junior High, she used to sleep over every weekend.” Cheryl smiled at the memories, allowing herself a brief moment of joy in remembering Heather rather than the anguish she usually felt. “Until, one night, my mother caught us in the same bed.” Her voice was failing her again, breaking and cracking just like the image of the perfect girl she tried so hard to preserve. “She said I was…” for a moment Cheryl couldn’t even say it, couldn’t bring herself to utter the word that swirled in her head almost every waking moment. “deviant.” Tears made tracks down porcelain cheeks and her breath hitched just a little too loudly for her liking.

“Cheryl, I am so sorry.” Toni’s voice was strong, far stronger than Cheryl’s had been “But you have to know your mother’s wrong. You’re not loveless, you’re not deviant okay?” A warm hand grasped her own and Cheryl allowed her eyes to wander to where Toni’s hand perfectly encapsulated her own. It was the softest touch she had felt in years and felt so, so _right_ it was almost crushing. She looked up to Toni who was smiling that smile again and whose eyes were brimming with tears of her own. “You are sensational.”

Cheryl looks at Toni like she’s seeing her for the first time, _really_ seeing her and all those long-repressed feelings come bubbling back to the surface.

Cheryl is falling oh so far from the pedestal she had been teetering on and she can’t seem to bring herself to care, because if Toni is at the bottom to catch her then she’s more than willing to risk the fall.


	2. I'm a beautiful wreck, a colorful mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finished this way quicker than I thought I would, the hiatus is getting to me so at this point I'm having to feed my choni obsession by making my own content haha- hope you guys enjoy the chapter and thank you for all the kudos so far :)
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr: @gayerbythesecond

The next day at school Cheryl struggled to keep her eyes off of Toni. The Serpent girl seemed to command attention in the very same way Cheryl did; all eyes automatically drew to her of their own accord. Maybe it was the pink highlights of her hair, maybe the fact that she was a known member of a notorious gang or maybe it was just the overwhelming aura that was so Toni Topaz.

Cheryl clearly had a type.

Since their conversation in _Pop’s_ Cheryl had allowed herself to reconsider her actions these past months, years even since she had shut off that part of herself after Heather. Cheryl revaluated every interaction she had with another girl and found a very striking and obvious similarity.

Cheryl Blossom had a thing for strong women.

Veronica Lodge had strutted into Riverdale in 6-inch heels that Cheryl would have no problem being crushed under.

Josie McCoy had a bark just as vicious as her bite, paired with the voice of an angel that could lull Cheryl into a peaceful sleep even after one of her nightmares.

And Toni Topaz?

Toni Topaz was on a whole other level.

A vision of pink hair, plaid and leather, Toni Topaz was everything Cheryl had taught herself to avoid. A Southsider, a Serpent and a whole lot of snark, Toni was a dangerous game Cheryl wanted to play more than anything. Three conversations with the girl and Cheryl already craved the next time they would exchange words, whether it be friendly, aggressive or just plain flirty, the redhead didn’t care; all she wanted was another piece of Toni.

The two had passed each other in the hall a couple of times but the brief glances weren’t quite enough to placate the need within Cheryl to be around Toni. The redhead could feel herself growing attached, in the same way, she had three times before, first with Heather, then Veronica and most recently Josie but at this point, Cheryl couldn’t bring herself to care- especially not when it appeared that the object of her affections may actually want her around this time.

 

It was a few more days before Cheryl got the chance to talk to Toni again and their interaction occurred purely by chance. The young Blossom had stayed late to work on choreography for Vixens’ practise the next day, after packing up her things from the school gym Cheryl had made her way outside, only to discover that it was pouring down with rain. “Fantastic…” she muttered to the empty parking lot “The one day I don’t drive to this hellhole.” She sighed dramatically, flipping her hair over her shoulder and began to make her way out of the lot towards the school gates.

Thunder rumbled in the sky ahead of her and Cheryl let out a small yelp at the alarmingly loud noise, the rumbling continued into a dull roar that came to a stop with a squeak behind her. Cheryl turned to see a familiar Serpent pulling up at the curb beside her. “Bombshell!” Toni called out “Need a ride?”

“I would rather catch pneumonia from this rain than risk my life on that death trap of yours,” Cheryl smirked, none of her usual malice evident in her tone.

“Well, I don’t want to be held responsible for none other than Cheryl Blossom having the sniffles.” Toni chuckled, lip twitching in a smirk of her own “Come on, Red, I’ll drive slow.”

On the one hand, sharing a ride with Toni was, potentially, the worst possible scenario- if anyone saw them people would be sure to talk, not only that but Cheryl would be up close and personal with Toni on the back of her bike and that would do nothing to help the feelings the Serpent sparked in her. But, at the same time, Cheryl wanted nothing more than for Toni to whisk her away on her bike like some cheesy teen drama. A moment passed of further deliberation before a particularly loud crack of lightning made the decision for her. “Fine, Cha-Cha, but if you kill me on that thing I will come back and haunt your ass for eternity.”

“Cheryl Blossom by my side for eternity? Hardly a punishment if you ask me.” Toni smiled like the devil and Cheryl couldn’t help the blush that coloured her cheeks and stretched up the sides of her neck. The redhead hurried over, rain pelting down like bullets across her shoulders as she mounted the bike behind Toni. Then came the moment of realisation for Cheryl that, unlike a car, a motorbike didn’t really have a place for your hands as a passenger. Almost as if Toni had read her mind, the smaller girl turned her head, looking at Cheryl as best she could “Just hold onto me and you’ll be fine.” Cheryl nodded, not trusting her voice and placed her hands on Toni’s shoulders. The girl laughed, shaking her head slightly.  “You’re gonna need a better grip than that Cheryl.” Toni turned more fully, gently grabbing Cheryl’s hands and lowering them, winding the other girl’s arms around her waist. “There you go.” Cheryl’s blush deepened as she linked her hands together and pulled herself closer to Toni’s back. “Hold on tight.” Toni faced forwards again, settling into the seat and Cheryl’s embrace before revving the throttle and pulling away from the curb.

Cheryl had seen Toni and the Serpents riding their bikes throughout town before, the way they peeled into Riverdale parking lot with record speed and the careless, sometimes dangerous turns they made as they sped around the roads. So, when Toni drove Cheryl back to Thistlehouse at at least 10 miles below the speed limit, she had to admit she was surprised. The ride was, as much as Cheryl hated to admit it, pleasant, the rain dampened the mood slightly but the gentle breeze ghosting Cheryl’s cheeks and pulling through her hair was nice. Around half a block from her house Cheryl tensed, what would her mother think of her riding up on the back of a motorbike, a _Serpent’s_ motorbike no less. Doubt began to course through her veins and fear gripped at her heart. “You can drop me here!” She shouted over the roar of the bike’s engine if Toni thought it was unusual she didn’t say anything, just nodded to show she had heard Cheryl and then pulled over.

Cheryl almost didn’t want to let go of Toni’s waist, the feeling of contact with Toni all too contagious.

_Deviant._

_Sensational._

Warring emotions overtook the redhead for a moment but in the end, the need to get home before her mother began to grow impatient won out, a few seconds later Toni cut the engine and Cheryl forced herself into removing her hands. Toni hurried off the bike and for a second Cheryl thought it was to get away from her and her touch, her face fell and anxiety flared in her chest. It was quickly quelled however when Toni turned back to her, reaching out a hand and smiling warmly.

_Oh._

Cheryl took the offered hand and Toni tugged gently, balancing the redhead as she dismounted the bike, coming to stand next to the Serpent. From this position, Cheryl in her heels and Toni in flat converse, the height difference between the two girls was almost comical and Cheryl struggled not to laugh. “I see the humour in your eyes, Blossom- what’s so funny?” Cheryl let loose a chuckle, placing a hand on Toni’s leather-clad shoulder.

“You’re so tiny.” Toni’s expression soured laughably and she crossed her arms over her chest in what was supposed to be defiance.

“Seriously? I save you from this downpour-” Toni threw her right arm out, rain pattering across the leather of her outstretched limb “and all the thanks I get is a joke at my expense? That’s cold.” Cheryl laughed again, squeezing Toni’s shoulder gently.

“Thank you, Toni, really.” The pink-haired girl smiled at Cheryl with a mischievous twinkle in her eye and a flutter of butterflies sparked in the Blossom’s stomach. Whatever it was that came over Cheryl next she wasn’t sure but it filled her with a confidence she hadn’t felt in a long time, prompting her to lean forward and press her lips to Toni’s cheek. As she pulled away, Cheryl noted the blush colouring Toni’s ears and it sparked those pesky butterflies again, they bashed around her stomach and crept up her ribcage to bat against the increasingly crumbling walls around her heart. Toni didn’t say anything, just looked down for a moment in a rare show of embarrassment, when her eyes locked with Cheryl’s again the redhead noticed the smudge of lipstick on Toni’s cheek.

_Mine._

The thought both terrified and excited her, the notion of having something, some _one_ who knew who she was, knew what she wanted and still wanted her was so unfamiliar it was almost suffocating. But, at the same time, Cheryl knew that too much too fast was a recipe for disaster so she pushed down the possessiveness that seeing her lipstick on Toni’s cheek sparked before she did something she would regret. “Is that a better show of my gratitude?” Cheryl laughed, trying to lighten the suddenly heavy tension between the two girls.

 _“Much.”_ Toni breathed, before composing herself and laughing alongside Cheryl. “Well, I won’t keep you out in the rain any longer.” Toni broke their eye contact as she turned back to her bike, remounting and revving the throttle in one smooth motion.

Cheryl tried not to press her thighs together too obviously.

“See you in school, Bombshell.” Toni threw a final smirk in her direction before peeling off down the road at a far greater speed than what she had driven Cheryl at.

"See you, Toni.”

 

* * *

 

**_You have sent a message request to Toni Topaz_ **

**_Toni has accepted your request_ **

**Cheryl Blossom**

_Hey Toni, so I have a massive favour to ask you and realised I don’t have your phone number (hence me using this prehistoric messenger app)._

Cheryl was just about to type another message when the three dots appeared in the bottom left of her phone screen, signifying that Toni was typing.

**Toni Topaz**

_Hi, I grabbed your number from Jughead the other day, I’ll text you._

 

Toni had asked Jughead for her number. The fluttering in her chest that seemed to constantly accompany the thought of Toni made an appearance once again and only heightened as her phone vibrated in her hand.

 

**_Incoming text from unknown number [6:57 pm]_ **

_Hey there Red, guess who?_

**Bombshell [06:57 pm]**

_I’m going to hazard a guess and say, Toni._

**Cha-Cha [06:59 pm]**

_I’ll have to add ‘psychic’ to my list of your talents_

**Bombshell [07:00pm]**

_Keeping a list are we Topaz?_

**Cha-Cha [07:00pm]**

_Fuck, I’ve exposed myself- time to change my name to Amy Amethyst and run away to Mexico._

**Bombshell [07:00pm]**

_Amy Amethyst? Really?_

**Cha-Cha [07:01pm]**

_Gotta stick to my branding ;) anyway, you said you have a favour to ask?_

**Bombshell [07:04 pm]**

_Uh yeah, so this is awkward and probably too much to ask of you so don’t feel pressured to say yes._

**Bombshell [07:04 pm]**

_I’ll totally understand if you don’t._

**Bombshell [07:05pm]**

_But I have my father’s will reading this weekend and am in dire need of some emotional support._

**Bombshell [07:05pm]**

_Again, if you don’t want to or this is weird or whatever I totally understand, in fact just forget I said anything I’ll be fine._

**Cha-Cha [07:06pm]**

_Cheryl,_

**Cha-Cha [07:06pm]**

_Chill, it’s all good_

**Cha-Cha [07:06pm]**

_I’d love to come. Just name the time and date_

 

 _I’d love to come._ Cheryl couldn’t help smiling down at her phone screen, _I’d love to_ , Toni wanted to be there for Cheryl, no questions asked and no ulterior motive. This was new.

 

**Bombshell [07:10 pm]**

_Saturday at 1 pm._

Cheryl’s thumbs hovered over the screen for a moment, deliberating whether or not to continue. _Fuck it_.

**Bombshell [07:10 pm]**

_But come over at 11, I want to see you before the madness goes down._

**Cha-Cha [07:10pm]**

_Sounds like a plan, I’ll see you then :)_

**Bombshell [07:12 pm]**

_See you then_

**Bombshell [07:14 pm]**

_And Toni? Thank you, it means a lot._

**Cha-Cha [07:14 pm]**

_Don’t worry about it, what are friends for?_

 

_Friends._

It had been a long time since Cheryl had had one of those, a true friend at least. Cheryl tried to ignore the slight irritation the word caused her, that’s what she and Toni were; friends.

And nothing more.

 

* * *

 

Toni arrived at 11 am exactly, when Cheryl opened the door she was surprised to see that Toni wasn’t wearing her Serpents jacket and her motorbike was nowhere in sight. Cheryl must have looked confused because Toni chuckled, leaning against the doorframe in a show of surprisingly attractive nonchalance. “I figured the one and only Penelope Blossom wouldn’t really appreciate a motorbike roaring into her driveway.”

“You’d be right.” Cheryl laughed, gratitude swelling in her chest. “Come on in, my room is upstairs.” She stepped aside and gestured for Toni to walk in ahead of her. As soon as Toni stepped over the threshold her head was swivelling around, trying to take everything in. Cheryl was suddenly anxious, embarrassed almost, that she lived here while Toni lived in the Southside trailer park.

“Your house is sick.” Toni smiled over her shoulder, Cheryl shuffled her feet nervously.

_If only you knew…_

“It’s a lot I know, nothing compared to Thornhill but still…” she thought for a moment, a smirk played at her lips “ _extra.”_ Toni barked a laugh.

“Your family is the epitome of extra, Blossom.” Cheryl smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes as much as she willed it to. Toni seemed to take the hint that family was a touchy subject and made her way over to the stairs. “Come on then, show me this _fabulous_ room of yours.”

Cheryl tried not to smile too obviously at the way Toni had been able to read her like a goddamn book and instead took the lead up the stairs and directed Toni to her room. _“Wow.”_ Toni breathed as she stepped inside and once again Cheryl was hit with a wave of anxiety. She realised she had never felt like this when Josie had visited. She pushed that feeling down. “Your room is like, almost as big as my entire trailer.” Toni laughed and Cheryl felt a twinge of that embarrassment again.

“I hate it.” Cheryl blurted, Toni turned to look at her, confused. “It’s too big, too… _empty_. It doesn’t feel like home.” Cheryl wrung her hands together, moving back to sit on the futon in front of the ridiculously oversized bed. Cheryl fixed her gaze firmly on the wooden floor. The feeling of a warm hand grasping her own fidgeting ones caused her eyes to snap up and lock eyes with the owner of said hands. Toni smiled at her sadly, squeezing her hand gently as she sat on the futon next to the redhead. “It feels better with you here.” Cheryl practically whispered, eyes flitting across Toni’s face to avoid eye contact. The Serpent smiled, unwinding Cheryl’s knotted fingers and lacing her own in between them. Electricity crackled between them; Toni didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to. Cheryl returned the smile, squeezing Toni’s fingers before unlacing them from her own and rising from her seat. “Now, if you’re going to be my emotional support at this freak show- you’re going to have to look the part.” Cheryl began to rummage through her clothes racks, hands trembling with the leftover electricity running through them from Toni’s all-too-brief touch.

“Cheryl…” Toni sighed “I agreed to come to this Will reading, but I didn’t agree to a makeover.” Cheryl smirked as she finally came across the item she was looking for, turning towards Toni and brandishing the top as if it was a trophy. Toni’s eyes locked onto the garment and a smile tugged at her lips. “Unless it involves that blouse.”

“Nice, right?” Cheryl made her way back over to Toni who rose from the futon. That electricity was almost magnetic in nature as she felt herself being pulled further and further into Toni’s space. “For the record… j’adore your flannel/mesh aesthetic.” _Understatement of the century._ Toni smiled wryly, glancing down at the blouse once more as she fingered the material before locking her eyes with Cheryl’s. The redhead unintentionally dropped her voice to more of a husky tone as she continued “I’m merely… augmenting it for the occasion.” That magnetism was pulling her in again and for a brief moment, Cheryl thought Toni might feel it too, as the other girl seemed to be moving forward as well. For the shortest of seconds, Cheryl thought they were going to kiss before the slamming open of her bedroom door shocked the two out of their trance.

“What is going on in here, Cheryl?”

_Mother._

Penelope Blossom stormed into the room, eyes ablaze and lips pulled into a tight line. Cheryl was frozen, reminded of an all too familiar scenario in which Penelope had burst into her room, though this time it involved a lot more clothes.

_Deviant, deviant, deviant._

Cheryl’s mouth hung open hopelessly, voice caught like the breath in her throat.

“Mrs Blossom.” Toni was speaking, _oh thank God._ “Hi, I’m Toni Topaz.” Cheryl glanced at Toni gratefully, composing herself as the girl next to her continued speaking, buying her time. “I’m a friend of Cheryl’s from school and she’s lending me an outfit for the Will reading.” Cheryl had collected herself enough to plaster on a fake smile and raise the blouse in her hands to show her mother and support Toni’s statement.

“And why on Earth would you be there?” Penelope’s icy glare flitted to Toni and Cheryl felt an unusual swell of defensiveness rise in her chest. She almost reached out for Toni’s hand but thought better of it at the last moment.

“I invited her.” Cheryl’s voice was weaker than she wanted it, a little too fragile to be as commanding as she hoped “To be my emotional support.” Cheryl could feel Toni’s eyes on her and just the knowledge that the Serpent was beside her gave Cheryl the push she needed to straighten her shoulders just a fraction.

“Just make sure you’re downstairs before the guests start to arrive.” Penelope narrowed her eyes at Toni before returning her gaze to Cheryl. “We need to present a united front against those scavengers.” Penelope looked Toni over once more before turning and waltzing out of the room as if she hadn’t burst in in a fury not moments before.

“Ugh.” Toni rolled her eyes, turning to Cheryl “She is a nightmare.” The redhead saw the way she was looking at her, concern in her eyes and motive to lighten the mood beyond evident.

“Isn’t she though?” Toni’s lips twitched in a sad smile.

“You okay?”

“Peachy.” Cheryl smiled, nodding sincerely “Let’s get ready, mother Gothel will be furious if we take any longer.” Toni chuckled, taking the proffered blouse from Cheryl’s hands.

“I’m gonna look smokin’ in this.”

_You have no idea how right you are._


	3. Me and you together like a loved up bruise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of pace for this chapter, this time we get to see the story through Toni's eyes ;) I really wanted to give this story as much depth as I could and I felt like taking a step back from Cheryl for a chapter to allow for things to be seen from Toni's perspective would help that? So I really hope you guys like this one, it's one of my favourites that I've written :)
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr: @gayerbythesecond

Toni was surprised but not annoyed to feel Cheryl’s hand searching for her own, rather, she was more than happy to thread their fingers together in a show of comfort and solidarity as the lawyer at the podium continued to read Clifford Blossom’s Will.

She _was_ surprised, however, when she received the text from Cheryl inviting her to the Will reading in the first place. To say their relationship had changed rapidly was an understatement; the two had gone from spewing insults at one another to wanting to spend every waking moment with each other. Toni couldn’t say that she was ungrateful for the change- the exact opposite was true. From the moment the Serpent had locked eyes with the redhead at the drag race she knew there was more than the front she put up, Cheryl Blossom was an enigma just waiting to be unravelled and Toni couldn’t help but be sucked in.

She loved a mystery after all.

Soon, however, her interest in Cheryl stopped being purely investigative- the night together at _Pop’s_ changed all that.

Cheryl Blossom wasn’t just an enigma, she was a pane of shattered glass just waiting for someone to pick up the pieces.

Toni was more than happy to start.

Toni was brought back to the moment as Cheryl squeezed her hand, tugging gently; it was time for her to speak. Toni nodded, squeezing back briefly before letting her go. Penelope’s face said it all, she was furious at Cheryl for hijacking the reading but Toni couldn’t have been prouder. In the few weeks, the two had been friends Toni found herself in awe of Cheryl Blossom at pretty much any given moment. The redhead began to speak and Toni was once again struck with that awe. There she was, a girl whose entire life had been a struggle, a _war_ \- Toni couldn’t see the battle scars but she knew they marred Cheryl’s porcelain skin, it was evident in the way she held herself, the way she spoke, the way she _lived._

Toni knew the fluttering in her chest she felt when she was around Cheryl was more than friendly, she knew that the reason she had approached Cheryl in the bathroom that fateful day wasn’t just investigative curiosity and above all, she knew that the electricity that sparked between them every time they were together wasn’t one-sided.

But Cheryl was new to this, and Toni didn’t want to rush into anything and scare her away. It was a good thing Toni was patient.

“Here, here.” A new voice came from the back of the room and Toni turned alongside the rest of the crowd. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Toni’s blood turned cold at the sight of the man standing in the archway; it was none other than Clifford Blossom, seemingly back from the dead. Toni heard the sharp intake of breath from Cheryl and her head snapped back round to see the redhead’s eyes roll backwards and her grip on the podium falter.

 _“Cheryl!”_ Toni lurched forward out of her seat as Cheryl began to topple over but she wasn’t quick enough. The young Blossom crashed to the floor with a loud thud just as Toni threw herself down in an attempt to catch her. The room was silent as Cheryl hit the floor, the smack of her body against the ground the only noise, Toni kneeled beside her, pulling her up by the shoulders to cradle her head in her lap. The rest of the gathered crowd simply sat there, some looking at Cheryl, others looking at the man in the arch. “Don’t just stand there!” Toni almost shrieked “Someone get some help!” a few people shuffled awkwardly, not sure whether to listen to the young girl. Toni rolled her eyes. _Rich people._

“That won’t be necessary.” The sickeningly cool voice of Penelope Blossom above her caused Toni to finally draw her eyes away from Cheryl’s unconscious face. “Cheryl pulls stunts like this all the time- she’ll be fine.” Toni balled her fists in the material of Cheryl’s dress in fury.

“ _Stunt?_ Cheryl _fainted_. She could have cracked her head open!” Toni’s voice grew louder with each word, she was causing a scene she knew it but the fury coursing through her veins like fire kept her going.

“ _Calm yourself_.” Penelope seethed, teeth gritted and jaw muscles tensing. The two women were caught in a staring match, eyes burning and boring into one another. Penelope should have known she couldn’t win.

Serpents don’t blink.

“Fine.” The older woman relented, neck muscles twitching as she turned “Will someone help me carry my daughter to one of the drawing rooms?” of all people Hal Cooper stepped forward as well as Betty. Toni almost didn’t want to let go of Cheryl but knew she wouldn’t be able to carry her herself. Hal kneeled down, scooping Cheryl up into his arms and looking to Penelope on directions as to where to take her. Toni stuck close behind, following him like a hawk.

“Toni, what are you doing here?” Betty asked, a little too interrogatively for her liking.

“Cheryl invited me.” She replied gruffly, more focused on following the unconscious girl in question.

“Cheryl? Invited you?” Betty sputtered, unable to hide her shock.

“Yeah- now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check on her.” Toni watched as Penelope led Hal through a door into what Toni assumed was a lounge of some sort. Penelope hung back in the doorway, fixing Toni with a deadly glare.

“I can take it from here.” Toni’s face darkened

“I’d really appreciate being able to stay and make sure Cheryl is alright.” Toni focused all her energy on sounding polite.

“No, it’s time you left.” Penelope practically spat before slamming the door in the Serpent’s face.

_Bitch._

* * *

 

 

**_New message:_ **

**Cha-Cha [09:15pm]**

_Hey, Cheryl. I just wanted to check in on you after today? I wanted to stay but your mom kicked me out._

Toni wanted to say more, tell her how worried she’d been the past few hours, how she had typed multiple messages only to delete them seconds later but settled for the measly one she had just sent. The Serpent’s heart jumped as she saw the three dots that indicated Cheryl was typing.

**Bombshell [09:17 pm]**

_Hi Toni, I’m okay- just a little shook up, thank you for checking on me._

**Cha-Cha [09:17 pm]**

_Of course, you sure you’re alright?_

Toni wanted to ask about Cheryl’s father seemingly rising from the dead but thought better of it, besides, Cheryl’s wellbeing was more important anyway.

**Bombshell [09:18 pm]**

_I promise :) Sorry about my mother, she can be a real piece of work and because I know you’re dying to ask, that wasn’t my father, turns out he had a secret twin brother. How terribly teen drama._

A secret twin brother? _Just when we thought the Blossom’s couldn’t get any stranger…_

**Cha-Cha [09:20pm]**

_You Blossoms live for the drama, I’m not surprised lol. I bet you probably have a secret lab of Penelope clones in your basement._

**Cha-Cha [09:20pm]**

_I’m glad you’re okay though, you had me worried._

**Bombshell [09:21 pm]**

_Honestly, that would make a whole lot of sense haha. A Serpent, worried about a Blossom? I never thought I’d see the day ;)_

**Cha-Cha [09:22pm]**

_If I’m honest neither did I_

**Bombshell [09:27pm]**

_I’m glad I met you._

**Cha-Cha [09:27 pm]**

_Me too Bombshell, me too_

Toni didn’t see Cheryl until last period the next day, the redhead sashayed into AP American Lit in her usual fashion. Rather than claiming her regular desk at the front she made her way to the back of the classroom, gracefully seating herself at the desk next to Toni. “Cheryl, hey.”

“Afternoon, Cha-Cha.” Cheryl flipped open her notebook, simultaneously crossing one leg over the other under the table.

“You doing okay?” Toni asked nervously, Cheryl seemed fine, _too_ fine considering the events of the previous day.

“I am indeed.” Cheryl smiled at her. It didn’t meet her eyes.

“Cheryl,” Toni reached out to place a gentle hand on Cheryl’s arm like she had in the bathroom. “You don’t have to lie to me.” Cheryl met her eyes and Toni could almost see the warring emotions going on within her eyes. The Cheryl of the past and the Cheryl of the present were battling it out- should she lie like she always had? Or should she tell the truth?

“I know…” she sighed, relenting “I’ve been better, I won’t lie, but I’m not terrible.” Cheryl placed a hand over Toni’s on her arm. “Seeing a man with the face of my father when I eat breakfast is _jarring,_ to say the least.”

“If you need to get out, even for a little while, you could always come to mine?” Toni asked sheepishly. Her uncle’s trailer was hardly Thistlehouse but if it made Cheryl feel safe then it didn’t matter. The redhead smiled, the expression reaching her eyes this time and she squeezed Toni’s hand.

“I appreciate the offer Toni, but if mother found me missing there would be hell to pay.” She mulled this over for a while, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. Toni swallowed thickly. “But…I mean if you wouldn’t mind-”

“Yes.” Toni didn’t let the girl finish, Cheryl laughed, looking down at their joined hands- when had they laced their fingers together?

“I haven’t even asked you yet, you don’t know what you’re agreeing to.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Toni grinned “If you’re there then I am too.” Cheryl blushed, the colour spreading over her cheeks and even colouring the tips of her ears. Toni’s grin stretched wider.

“I guess there’s no arguing with you then.” Cheryl chuckled “Dinner at mine for 7?”

“Sounds perfect.”

 

* * *

 

 

Toni parked her bike around half a block from Thistlehouse. Toni pulled her jacket tighter around herself as she dismounted her bike. She had made sure to wear one that wasn’t emblazoned with the Serpents logo as it was more than likely it would only serve to endanger Cheryl.

Toni began the walk up to the small mansion, highly regretting her choice of skirt as the cold evening air bit at her legs. It was a slight pain having to park so far away, and as much as she would love to show Penelope Blossom just who she was messing with, she knew it would do no favours for Cheryl if she were to pull up right outside. _God, I am whipped_. It was amazing to think how much difference a few weeks could make. Less than a month ago, Toni would rather do battle with the Ghoulies than do _anything_ for a Blossom and now she would drop anything at a moment’s notice to be there for Cheryl.

She could almost see Sweet Pea’s smirk as he mimed a whipping motion.

That was another thing, the Serpents, how was she to tell her gang, her _family_ that she was falling fast for none other than Cheryl Blossom? The daughter of a man who had almost caused the destruction of the people who had taken her in and looked after her when no one else would. And she was falling for Cheryl, there was no doubt about it. Fangs could make all the U-Haul jokes he wanted but there was no denying the feelings that the redhead sparked within her.

The sight of Thistlehouse greeted the Serpent, but more invitingly the sight of Cheryl waiting for her in the doorway set off a fluttering in her stomach. “Well hello there, Bombshell,” Toni called, taking the last few steps over to the girl in question, a smile beginning to stretch across her face, that dropped slightly when she thought about how Cheryl might have known she was outside. “You didn’t hear my bike did you?” Toni panicked, looking over Cheryl’s shoulder for any sign of Penelope.

“No, you were inconspicuous as always, T.T.” the new nickname was not lost on the Serpent whose lips twitched into a smile, Cheryl leaned forward, voice dropping to an embarrassed whisper “I may have checked your location on Snap-Maps.”

“Stalker.”

“Serpent.”

“Primadonna.”

“Ouch, that one hurt.” Cheryl faked offence with a severely adorable pout.

_Fuck, I’m in deep._

“Sorry, Red- I’ll make it up to you later?” Toni winked, hoping she hadn’t gone too far. Cheryl’s mouth hung slightly open for a moment, blush deepening before she swallowed, leaning more heavily against the doorframe and letting her eyelids droop a fraction.

“Sounds like an offer I can’t refuse.” It was Toni’s turn to blush, her breath catching in her throat. “Come on in.” the moment was broken as Cheryl pushed herself off the doorframe and spun around elegantly, all in one motion. “Mother, Nana Rose and Uncle Claudius will be down for dinner in ten minutes- we can set the table while they finish getting ready.”

“Don’t you rich people have servants to do that kind of thing for you?” Toni joked

“Not since I burned down Thornhill.” Toni stopped.

“Wait, you did what?” Cheryl’s pace faltered, turning to face the pink-haired girl.

“Uh yeah, uhm I was the one who set the blaze.” Cheryl fiddled with the hem of her skirt.

“Pretty ballsy, Blossom- I’m impressed.” _Maybe Cheryl is more of a bad girl than I thought._ The redhead laughed nervously.

“Not my finest moment but that’s all in the past I-” she stopped for a moment as if she was debating whether or not to continue “I’m glad you didn’t know me then, I was… worse.” Toni took three confident steps up to Cheryl, coming to stand directly in front of her. Cheryl was looking down at the floor and Toni wanted her looking straight at her so she gently pushed at the underside of her chin and tilted her face up so that they could lock eyes. The electricity was sparking again but Toni ignored it.

“Cheryl, I want to know every part of you, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. I want to know you, _all of you_.” Toni wanted to lean in, to close the oh-so-small gap between them and kiss Cheryl Blossom until she couldn’t breathe. She wanted her hands in molten copper and maple red smeared across her mouth. She wanted to drown in the scent of vanilla and syrup until she couldn’t remember what it felt like to breathe fresh air.

But she didn’t.

She stepped back, smiling and, swallowing down the lump that was beginning to form in her throat, changed the subject “Now come on, let’s set the table.”

 

* * *

 

 

Penelope Blossom was on top form the entire dinner, verbally poking and prodding at Toni whenever she got the chance but Toni just ignored it and instead focused on radiating as much calming energy as she could towards Cheryl next to her. The food was nice, much nicer than anything Toni could afford on her salary at the Whyte Wyrm. It struck her how different she and Cheryl’s worlds were and yet how strikingly similar. Conversation had lulled slightly so Toni took it upon herself to question this _Uncle Claudius_ if that was indeed who he really was. “So, Mr Blossom, how does it feel being back in Riverdale after all these years?” Before Claudius could even fathom an answer, Penelope butted in.

“Ignore that person, Claudius. I’d assumed tonight would be family only.”

“It’s alright, I enjoy meeting new people.” Claudius fired back and Toni turned to him appreciatively. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as she expected? “You know, during my journeys as a sailor I came across the most wonderful island.”  Toni took another sip of soup as Cheryl drank some water. “Lesbos.”

_Holy shit._

Toni tried to stop herself from spitting her soup out as she strangled a laugh.

_Definitely not as bad as I thought._

“Ooooh my God.” Cheryl was trying not to laugh too, Toni could hear it in her voice. She wanted to look at Cheryl, meet her eyes in that knowing way and share the joke, but Penelope was right there and it would be far too obvious. Instead, Toni fixed her eyes forward, finally swallowing the soup and sipping her water to cover a chuckle.

“It is the most _beautiful, natural_ place on Earth.”

Toni zoned out as she took another drink, the conversation being dominated by Claudius and Nana Rose but her attention was once again rapt as he asked Penelope if he was permitted to stay. She, alongside Cheryl, turned to look at the Blossom widow.

“There’s a room over the garage, it’s freezing in winter and boiling summer but it’s there.”

For a moment Toni thought this might be a good thing, that Claudius may be the buffer that Cheryl needed between her and her mother but as she looked at the redhead Toni saw nothing but unease in her posture and fear in eyes as they flitted between her mother and uncle.

It was risky, but Toni could almost _feel_ the anxiety radiating off of Cheryl in waves. So, she reached under the table and placed her hand on Cheryl’s knee, the redhead tensed for a second before Toni felt her muscles relax and a cold hand lay itself over her own.

 

 

After dinner, Toni had been all but kicked from Thistlehouse by Penelope much to Cheryl’s dismay, but with the squeeze of her hand and the promise of texting her later, Cheryl had agreed to let Toni go.

She had walked back to her bike quickly, the night air much colder than when she had arrived and all but sped back across town to the trailer park. Toni tested the door. Locked. She almost snarled in anger, throwing her hands up in frustration; her uncle must be in one of his moods.

_Fantastic._

There were three options as to where she could now go, Fangs’, Jughead’s or Sweet Pea’s. Fangs’ trailer was far too small to accommodate another body, and she and Jughead weren’t on the best of terms as of late. _Sweet Pea’s it is._ Toni tugged her jacket around herself tighter before hurrying to the right of her trailer and in the direction of Sweet Pea’s, mercifully it was the closest of her three friends’ homes.

She arrived at the trailer, wracked with the cold and shivering uncontrollably, her hand shook as she knocked on the door, folding her arms around herself as soon as she had. Sweet Pea opened the door not a moment later. “Toni?”

“My uncle locked me out again, can I stay here?” Her teeth chattered as she spoke, shivering becoming more violent by the second.

“Of course, come on in.” Sweet Pea stepped aside, allowing for Toni to cross the threshold. As soon as the door was closed she frantically rubbed her arms, trying to warm them. Sweet Pea allowed her a moment to compose herself before speaking again. “Why were you out so late anyway?” Toni paled

“I was driving.” Sweet Pea gave her a withering look

“In that get-up?” He gestured to her outfit. _Touché Sweets._ The tall boy crossed his arms, in an attempt at intimidation, as if Toni hadn’t seen his Avengers boxers.

“Fine, I wasn’t _just_ driving…” Toni trailed off “I was having dinner with someone.”

“Someone? Toni, I swear if you’re trying it with Jug again-”

“No, no _God_ no, not Jughead.” She scoffed, finally able to stop rubbing her arms as warmth slowly began to seep back into her bones.

“Then who, T? Don’t think I haven’t noticed how distant you’ve been, the only time I see you anymore is at the Swords and Serpents meetings, and even _then,_ you barely show up.” Toni could see the hurt in his eyes, the way his shoulders tensed when he was trying not to let his voice shake, the subtle white colouration of his knuckles as he held his arms too tight.

“I…” the girl sighed. _Better now than never._ “Before I tell you, you have to promise to let me finish okay? No interrupting.” Sweet Pea nodded once. “Okay, so…I met someone, and _no_ it is definitely not Jughead before you start with that again. It’s…” _Fuck this is harder than I expected._ “It’s a Northsider, a girl. She’s great, _really_ great. She’s funny, snarky, a force to be reckoned with.” Toni smiled at the thought of Cheryl and the force of nature that she was. “I really like her, Sweets, like _really_ like her, I can’t remember the last time I felt this strongly about someone.” She glanced up at the boy in front of her, he was staring intently, clearly hanging on every word but at the same time, she could see the anticipation in his eyes. Toni grew nervous again, and she blurted her next sentence in a rush of one breath. “It’s Cheryl Blossom, that’s who I was having dinner with.” Silence descended over the trailer as Toni glanced down at her hands, fiddling with the sleeves of her jacket. Sweet Pea sighed.

“Cheryl Blossom, are you fucking kidding me, T?” Toni’s eyes snapped up to the disapproving expression written all over Sweet Pea’s face.

“Listen, I know what you’re going to say-”

“What? That you’re crazy, absolutely _out of your mind_? Yeah, I am! That’s Cheryl _fucking_ Blossom, Toni! The queen of Riverdale High, hell of the entire Northside. She’s using you, T, she has to be.” Anger boiled in Toni’s blood at the other Serpent’s words.

“Okay, first of all, _fuck you_ I am not crazy. Second of all, you don’t know anything about Cheryl other than what she wants you to think. What you see isn’t who she is, she is so much more; she has been through so much shit, so much that it rivals what _we’ve_ been through. If you want a reason as to why I want her Sweets then here it is: she is the most beautiful, intelligent, _broken_ girl I have ever met. She needs someone to be there for her ’cause you know what? She has no one, _no one_.” Toni was beginning to tear up, fear and anger and fury bubbling to the surface. “I just want to show her what love can feel like.”

Silence.

A sigh.

“I trust your judgement, T, just…be careful okay? I don’t want you getting hurt.” Sweet Pea squeezed her shoulder.

“I’ll be careful.” Toni swallowed the tears that threatened to fall.

“Come on, it’s late- you can take the bed, I’ll crash on the couch.” Sweet Pea pulled Toni into an embrace, her head pressed against his chest so she could hear the dull beat of his heart.

Toni wondered what Cheryl’s heartbeat would sound like. Would it beat as normal with the Serpent pressed against her? Or would it thunder and pound just like Toni’s did at the mere sight of the redhead?

Toni hoped she would find out.


	4. Come back to this route and take your heart to higher self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Cheryl's perspective for this chapter, thank you all for the positive feedback on the changing focus, I might try it out again in later chapters ;) Hope y'all enjoy this, it's longer than any of the previous chapters :)
> 
> Come yell at me, give me prompts, have a chat on tumblr: @gayerbythesecond

“I want to try out for the River Vixens,” Toni announced, causing Cheryl to, rather comically, sputter the water she was drinking. The redhead was seated at one of the couches in the common room and Toni stood over her in a rare occurrence of the Serpent being at a superior height.

“You want to join the Vixens?” Cheryl wiped at the side of her mouth, looking up at Toni properly. Of all the things she had expected to come out of the girl’s mouth, that was most certainly not it. The Serpent nodded, grinning rather maniacally, Cheryl’s hand stilled from wiping her shirt. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah.” Toni’s smile faltered “Why do you not want me to? Shit, Vixens is your thing and I’m totally over-stepping, aren’t I? Forget it, it doesn’t matter I’ll just-” Cheryl stopped the rambling girl by reaching up and taking her hand into her own.

“No, Toni you’re not.” She smiled warmly, trying to convey her thoughts through the simple expression “I just don’t know why you want to join- I didn’t really peg you for a cheerleader.” Cheryl used her free hand to gesture at Toni’s plaid and leather outfit.

“Well…I’m not but I used to dance when I was younger so I figured that would translate well.” Toni smiled sheepishly, Cheryl struggled not to copy the expression as she felt Toni lace their fingers together.

“That’s all it is really, dancing with some pom-poms.” Cheryl laughed “But I still don’t know _why_ you want to join.” Toni blushed and Cheryl was even more confused.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not really, T.T.” The redhead laughed again, the laughter died as Toni locked eyes with her, face a mask of nerves and hope all rolled into one.

“I want to spend more time with you.”

_Oh._

Cheryl swallowed the lump forming in her throat and blinked hard to repress the tears beginning to well in her eyes. “I see.” Toni looked at Cheryl apprehensively and the redhead couldn’t hold back the grin any longer “I guess I better ask Weatherbee for a new Vixen’s outfit then.” Toni returned Cheryl’s grin tenfold. God Cheryl wanted to kiss that smile. “You’re on the team.”

“I didn’t even audition yet.” Toni chuckled

“You don’t need to, I know for a fact you’ll be able to dance circles around those sorry excuses for cheerleaders,” Cheryl smirked, bumping their joined hands against Toni’s hip. “But we better put on a faux try-out, in case they were to accuse me of favouritism.” Toni shook her head in mock disbelief, moving to throw herself onto the couch beside Cheryl. The Blossom tried not to focus too hard on the fact that their hands were still intertwined.

“Sounds like a plan, Red.” They fell into a companionable silence as Toni took a book out of her bag and began to read, left hand holding the novel and the right still holding Cheryl’s, tracing circles across her knuckles. Cheryl took this time to observe Toni, not in a creepy way of course, just… _who am I kidding?_ Cheryl was roaming her eyes across the whole of Toni’s form, from the curve of her hips to the cut of her jaw. Toni was gorgeous there was no denying it; her perfect complexion, delicious curves and tousled hair all coalescing to form the perfect woman.

 _God,_ _she’s beautiful._

Cheryl glanced down at their hands for a moment, only just managing to drag her eyes away from Toni’s face and began to smile at the image of their contrasting skin colours. Cheryl’s porcelain skin complimented the dark caramel of Toni’s perfectly; the thought alone sparked the rampant thudding of her heart. When was the last time she had felt this strongly for someone?

Maybe it was Heather.

Maybe this was stronger than what she’d felt for Heather.

“You okay there, Bombshell?” Cheryl turned to see Toni was looking at her worriedly.

“You’re never going to let that nickname go, are you?” Cheryl joked, changing the topic. Toni grinned.

 _“Never.”_ She winked and Cheryl’s heart beat so hard she was almost certain Toni would be able to hear it. The Serpent returned to her book and to rubbing circles across Cheryl’s knuckles absentmindedly.

Toni was the ambition of Macbeth, the pride of Achilles. the jealousy of Othello.

Toni Topaz was Cheryl Blossom’s fatal flaw.

Cheryl couldn’t wait for her downfall.                 

                      

* * *

 

Jesus.

Fucking.

_Christ._

When Toni had said she’d developed her own routine for her ‘audition’ Cheryl could never have expected that the choreography would involve…well, _that_.

 _“It’s a surprise, Cher! I want to wow you with my dancing prowess.”_ Toni had winked the day before, taunting Cheryl with the promise of an audition that would blow she and the other Vixens away.

She had certainly delivered.

As Toni swung her hips and dragged her hands up her legs, Cheryl struggled to maintain her cool. Sure, Cheryl had noticed Toni’s body before, how could she _not_? But with her baseball shirt tied above her midriff and ass filling out those tiny shorts Toni was a vision of Cheryl’s desires.

It was mildly distracting.

Cheryl couldn’t help the unbridled lust in her eyes or the smirk playing at her red lips as Toni continued her routine, she did, however, notice that Toni’s eyes rarely strayed from Cheryl herself, even with the turns and angles of her moves. As soon as eye contact was broken she reaffirmed it moments later. The music came to an end as did Toni’s routine, directly in front of Cheryl. The redhead smiled at her with pride and Toni’s face broke out into an adorable grin.

The other Vixens began to applaud enthusiastically and Cheryl couldn’t stop herself from doing the same, Toni’s grin stretched wider as she finally broke eye contact with Cheryl, timidly tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear as she re-joined the line of gathered girls. Cheryl took her place, with a pirouette akin to Linda Carter, she turned on her HBIC persona and clapped her hands once, garnering the attention of the cheer squad.

“Well, I don’t think there’s any way you amateurs are going to top that so, practice is over Vixens.” Cheryl dismissed them “Inner circle Vixens hang back, you know who you are.” The majority of the gathered cheerleaders began to disperse, gathering bags and water bottles as Josie, Veronica, Betty and Toni stepped forwards. “In honour of Toni joining our squad-” Cheryl and Toni shared a look, the Serpent smiling coyly as Cheryl winked- “I think we should celebrate, with a mandatory slumber party at Thistlehouse!” The others didn’t look too impressed, but that didn’t matter, Toni seemed ecstatic and that was all Cheryl really cared about. “Fancy dressing gowns are appreciated…you’ve all seen The Beguiled, right? Dinner at 8, parlour games to follow.” Cheryl stepped forward, between Josie and Veronica to grab her Vixen’s duffle bag as well as Toni’s brown leather one from the bench. She heard rather than saw the girls go their separate ways behind her but one presence remained. Cheryl smiled as Toni spoke.

“Uhm, Cheryl? I don’t even own real pyjamas, never mind a fancy dressing gown.”

“Not a problem, Cha-Cha, I have spares…I guess this means you’ll have to come over earlier.” Cheryl turned, smirking.

“I guess I will.” Toni laughed, before turning slightly more serious “What did you think of my routine?” Cheryl’s mouth went dry at the memory of Toni’s dance.

“It was…sensational.” The redhead smirked and Toni rolled her eyes, gently slapping Cheryl’s arm. “Seriously though, Toni, you were amazing.” The Serpent blushed, rubbing her arm over her elbow and up her bicep in an unusual show of nerves.

“I was wondering, uhm… if we could celebrate my joining the Vixens…just us? Just for a little while! Obviously, you don’t have to say yes I just thought-”

“I’d love to, Toni.” Cheryl grinned and Toni visibly relaxed “What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking milkshakes at _Pop’s_?”

“Sounds perfect.” Cheryl reached out to grab Toni’s hand “I can drive us there? And then bring you back to get your bike?”

“A ride in Cheryl Blossom’s convertible?” Toni threw her hand to her forehead, feigning a swoon.

“I could always make you walk?” Cheryl channelled her HBIC persona to fix Toni with a warning glare.

“Damn, Blossom, don’t be such a butthurt.” Toni laughed, tickling Cheryl’s palm causing the redhead to yelp and drag her hand away.

“Butthurt? What are you five?” Cheryl folded her arms, turning away in mock annoyance but a smile tugged at her lips.

“Come on, Blossom, you know I love you really.” Toni laughed and Cheryl’s smile unbeknownst to Toni slipped.

 _I love you_.

When was the last time someone had told her that? It must have been JJ and he’d been dead for months. Cheryl could feel her throat closing up and tears welling in her eyes, she would _not_ cry in front of Toni again, not this soon. She fixed on her best fake smile and threw back “So you should. Come on, my cars in the lot.” Cheryl hurriedly walked away from Toni, the Serpent trailing behind as she led the way out of the gym and towards the main doors of the school. Toni caught up as Cheryl descended the entranceway stairs and the two walked shoulder to shoulder across the parking lot towards Cheryl’s convertible.

Cheryl tried not to fixate on how she and Toni’s hands brushed against each other with almost every step.

When they made it to the car, Cheryl stalled for a moment, deliberating, before rushing round to the passenger side and opening the door for Toni. “Damn, Blossom, such a gentleman.” Toni smiled gratefully as she sat in the passenger seat.

“My parents may be crazy but they did raise me to have manners.”

 

The drive to _Pop’s_ was nice, wind blowing both girl’s hair gently and the radio playing softly in the background. It was picturesque, enjoyable, _normal._ It was the nicest drive Cheryl had had in years.

Toni was quickly becoming the first source of real joy Cheryl had had in a long time for a multitude of things.

It was terrifying.

Upon arriving the two girls saw that the diner was relatively quiet, the only other customers present being Moose and Midge, seemingly on a date and a few truckers dotted around. “Hey Pop, how’s it going?” Toni greeted the owner with practised, friendly ease.

“Toni! Nice to see you again, I’ve been well thank you.” The old man smiled in that friendly, fatherly way. “What can I get for you girls?” He leaned up against the counter nonchalantly.

“A chocolate shake for me and a strawberry for Cheryl with extra cream and a cherry.” Toni glanced at her briefly, making sure she had got her order right. The very fact that Toni even _knew_ how she liked her milkshake caused an overwhelming wave of emotion to wash over Cheryl. The redhead nodded stiffly, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

“I’ll bring those over for you, grab a seat wherever.” Pop smiled one final time before turning and beginning their order.

“Booth?” Toni suggested, Cheryl nodded once more and led the way to the booth in the back left by the window. “You good?” Toni asked once they had sat down opposite one another.

“I am,” Cheryl replied, her voice cracking only slightly.

“Cheryl…” Toni furrowed her brows, looking at the redhead with so much concern it was almost too much for Cheryl.

“I’m fine, really it’s just…” she swallowed “I’m really glad I met you, Toni.” The Serpent smiled warmly.

“I’m glad I met you too.” Cheryl watched as Toni seemed to fight with herself for a moment, leaning forwards in the booth before changing her mind and sitting back nonchalantly, one arm resting across the back of the booth. “Who would have thought huh? A Serpent and a Blossom.”

“If the hobo and his bride can do it then so can we.” Cheryl scoffed before realising the implications of her remark.

Jughead and Betty were dating.

Toni and Cheryl were not.

_Fuck._

If Toni noticed Cheryl’s slip up she didn’t comment on it, instead laughing it off “True, Bombshell, true.” Pop, mercifully chose that exact moment to arrive with their shakes, placing their respective drinks down in front of them. Toni reached into her pocket to retrieve her wallet but Cheryl stopped her. “Please, we’re here to celebrate you, my treat.” Cheryl pulled out a crisp $20 bill and handed it to Pop “Keep the change.” She smiled warmly up at him and for a moment he seemed shocked. _Have I ever tipped Pop before?_

Clearly, Toni was a good influence on her.

Ironic really considering she was a gang member.

Cheryl took a sip of her milkshake, trying desperately to ignore the disapproving voice of her mother that echoed through her brain like a curse.

 

* * *

 

The inner circle Vixens arrived at 8pm sharp, Toni having arrived an hour beforehand. After an awkward dinner with her mother, uncle and Nana Rose, Cheryl and the girls retired to her room, changing into the fancy dressing gowns Cheryl had requested, the redhead handing Toni one of her many with a smile. “No offence, Cher, but I am beyond happy to be away from your mother and uncle.” Toni joked as the Vixens sat on Cheryl’s large bed.

“No offence taken, I’m glad to be free of them for a night.” Cheryl laughed

“Your Nana seems nice though, even if she does insist on calling me Antionette.” Toni rolled her eyes, smirk tugging on the left side of her mouth.

“How does she even know your full name? You never mentioned it.” Veronica asked, absentmindedly braiding Betty’s ponytail.

“Oh, I told her it when I introduced myself the other night,” Toni replied nonchalantly, Veronica and Josie shared a look that Cheryl’s heart thundered at.

_Please don’t figure it out, please don’t figure it out, please don’t figure it out._

But then again what was there to figure out? Toni and Cheryl were friends, friends visited each-others houses, hell Veronica had been to Thornhill on multiple occasions and Josie had visited Cheryl here at Thistlehouse.

“You’ve been here before?” Josie asked, seemingly slightly offended. _Typical._ When Cheryl wanted Josie, she wanted nothing to do with her and now that Cheryl had moved on she was acting jealous. _Oh, the irony._ Cheryl saw Toni look at her out the corner of her eye, the redhead turned and Toni was looking at her as if to ask for permission. _She’s checking to make sure I don’t mind them knowing._ There were those pesky butterflies again, Cheryl nodded, looking down at the bed sheets, smiling shyly.

“Yeah, just a couple of times,” Toni replied, only after ensuring Cheryl was certain.

“She was at the Will reading,” Betty spoke up for the first time. Everyone turned to Cheryl and Toni then, both of which had unbeknownst to one another, gravitated closer and closer together until their shoulders were almost brushing.

“She was my emotional support.” Cheryl offered, nerves prickling across her skin, Toni shifted, seemingly to adjust her weight but in reality, she was taking Cheryl’s hand into her own behind the redhead’s back, away from prying eyes.

“Serpents have feelings too,” Toni faked a pout and batted her eyelids and the others laughed, the tension that had been smothering the room like a thick fog lifted and the discussion moved on. Taking inspiration from Veronica’s braiding Cheryl suggested brushing each other’s hair. Toni made some quip, comparing her to Dua Lipa, helping to further dissolve the tension in the group. Cheryl just rolled her eyes, willing the heat in her cheeks to go away.

Cheryl would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t intentionally position herself behind Toni before any of the others could, quickly sitting behind the smaller girl and making quick work of grabbing a brush and beginning to pull it through her curls. As she worked she realized just how soft Toni’s hair was, far more so than the redhead had expected. As much as it was soothing to have her hair brushed and to be this close to Toni, Cheryl couldn’t help the anxiety thrumming across her skin like an electric charge- and not the good electricity that she usually felt when she and Toni were this close.

It was the anxiety of not feeling safe, the calming hum before the storm, the intrusive knowledge that _something wasn’t right._

Rather abruptly Cheryl stood up, being careful not to tug on Toni’s hair as she did. All eyes turned to her but the most mesmerising were Toni’s- those warm brown irises looked at her with such worry and apprehension it was almost suffocating.

Cheryl didn’t think it would be a bad way to go.

“Inner circle, cousin Betty.” Cheryl wrung her hands together, finally drawing her eyes away from Toni as she stepped further backwards. “I didn’t just bring you to Thistlehouse for a girlish slumber party. The truth is…” Cheryl tried not to let the anxious tears fall from her eyes “I’m terrified of being alone here. There’s a stranger in this house; my uncle Claudius. He’s as mad as the sea and ever since he blew in I feel like I’m in mortal peril.” Cheryl almost rolled her eyes at herself, whenever she got nervous she always flaunted her vocabulary- an old defence mechanism she supposed.

“Wait, I’m confused. Is this real? Or are we playing a game?” Cheryl almost smiled at Toni’s naiveté, of course, that was because Cheryl still hadn’t told her everything about her life and her past- as much as she wanted too.

“All too real, T.T.” Cheryl let the nickname slip, no doubt Betty with her prying mind would be asking about _that_ later. “I fear they’re plotting against me and Nana Rose. Mummy cultivates esoteric herbs in the conservatory; tannis root, gypsum weed- I’m afraid to eat for fear of being poisoned, that dinner was the first time I’ve eaten here in _days_.” _Let’s just hope mother didn’t poison all of us._

“Cheryl…are you sure you’re not…imagining things?” Josie asked tentatively, Cheryl didn’t look at her, she was too preoccupied with watching Toni roll her eyes at the Pussycat’s remark.

“Well if she is, Josie, then maybe I am too,” Betty spoke quietly looking up at Cheryl in a mirrored expression of the redheads. Of all the people she thought would believe her, cousin Betty was not one of them. “There’s a stranger in my life as well; Chic. With him lurking behind every corner my house feels-”

“Dangerous, deadly.” The two shared an empathetic smile. “I sympathise.” Cheryl turned away. “Mother isn’t bold enough to try something when I’m not alone…so even though you had no idea about any of this, thank you for being here.” She swallowed, blinking hard “I feel a lot safer with you here.” She didn’t lock eyes with Toni because it was directed mostly at her, no, of course, she didn’t.

“Of course, Cheryl- I know our families hardly get along but if you need somewhere to stay…” Betty trailed off, smiling hopefully up at Cheryl- she looked desperate for some safety too. Cheryl smiled again, nodding once.

“Thank you, cousin Betty.”

“How about we watch a movie? Get your mind off things, Cheryl, same for you Betty?” Veronica suggested and both girls nodded appreciatively.

“I have a DVD collection in the drawer over there,” Cheryl pointed “You can choose, guests’ pick.” The redhead smiled, the others looked at her for a moment, surprised by her unusual relinquishing of control. Josie shrugged and dragged Betty and Veronica over to Cheryl’s extensive collection. The three began to mutter amongst themselves as Cheryl turned to her cabinet, finding a tissue to dab under her eyes.

“Cher…why didn’t you say something?” The redhead felt a hand lay itself on her shoulder with the upmost care, she turned to find Toni looking at her in that way that only Toni did.

“I didn’t want to…” Cheryl swallowed “I didn’t want to scare you away, in case you thought I was crazy or something.” She couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Cheryl, I would never think that you know that, right? Your safety is no joke to me.” Toni seemed to want to say more but thought better of it, squeezing Cheryl’s shoulder in favour of continuing. The young Blossom nodded.

“Oooooh, _Legally Blonde!_ ” Veronica practically squealed and the moment was broken.

“Good pick,” Cheryl called over, voice only just managing not to crack, Toni removed her hand as attention was drawn back to them.

“I’ve never seen it.” Four pairs of eyes turned to Toni who looked at each girl in turn, confusion lacing her expression “What?” Veronica was the first to speak up.

“Cheryl, is it too late to remove her Vixen membership?”

 

* * *

 

After _Legally Blonde_ (which Toni clearly _loved_ but maintained the façade of hating) the girls moved onto _Mean Girls,_ which thankfully, Toni had seen and so wasn’t left out of the jokes. After that finished everyone was beginning to grow tired so they decided to call it a night.

“Who gets to share the bed?” Veronica asked Cheryl, turning to her, smirk firmly in place.

“Who said any of you miscreants _get_ to share?” They all stared for a moment, unsure if she was joking or not. Cheryl rolled her eyes. “I’m kidding, Toni is up top with me.” Toni’s eyes darted to Cheryl, the redhead tried and failed not to blush.

“What? How come?” Josie asked, indignant.

“Because,” Cheryl dragged the word out, mock annoyance lacing her tone. “We’re here to celebrate Toni joining the squad are we not? Therefore, she gets the bed.” Cheryl was happy with her explanation- after all, she had practised it, knowing the girls would question her decision. There was no way Cheryl wasn’t going to seize the opportunity of sharing a bed with Toni.

_Deviant._

“I thought it was so you wouldn’t have to be alone with your mother and uncle?” _Shit. Shit. Shit._

“Oh, would you look at that I’m already asleep,” Toni called from behind them and everyone turned to see the Serpent already firmly under the covers of Cheryl’s bed, feigning slumber. Cheryl grinned before schooling her expression and turning back to the others, shrugging.

“Ugh fine.” Josie pouted and two months ago that would have been enough for Cheryl to relent.

It didn’t work anymore.

“Night ladies, and…” Cheryl let out a shaky breath, _God why were emotions so difficult_ “thank you for being here tonight…it really helped.” Josie’s pout disappeared and instead she smiled sadly at Cheryl, Veronica and Betty gave her similar smiles before turning to make up beds on the floor using the air mattresses Cheryl had provided. The redhead went around the room, turning off lights but leaving the two on her bedside tables switched on; even at 17, Cheryl was still afraid of the dark.

Growing up as she had, how could she not be?

 

Two hours later and the other girls were sleeping soundly around her but Cheryl couldn’t seem to drift off. Maybe it was the fact that at any moment her mother and uncle could decide her time was up and kill her.

Or maybe it was the fact that the girl she was maybe just a little bit in love with was lying in bed next to her.

Maybe.

Having Toni in bed with her seemed like a good idea at the time, Cheryl craved any chance she got to be close to the other girl and a night in the same bed was an absolute dream. But now that Toni was within arm’s reach Cheryl found herself frozen, stuck within her own mind. Toni stirred, turning onto her back, mirroring Cheryl’s positioning.

“Can’t sleep?” the voice startled her, Cheryl glanced at Toni- had she been awake the whole time?

“Not really.”

“Me neither.” So, she _had_ been awake. Cheryl suddenly felt self-conscious, not that she had been doing anything that would warrant embarrassment…unless Toni could read her thoughts. The two fell back into silence, the only sound the faint snoring of, what sounded like, Veronica on the floor below them.

Cheryl once again found herself at war with herself- there was so much unsaid between she and Toni, should it stay that way? Would putting her feelings out in the open jeopardise what they had? Was it worth the risk to finally be honest again?

“Full disclosure…” Cheryl’s mouth was moving before her brain could catch up and well she’d started now, she couldn’t stop, could she? The redhead flipped over, facing Toni who echoed the movement. “I didn’t want to invite all the girls tonight.” Toni was looking at her with an intentness that Cheryl had only seen on her face once before, in _Pop’s_ that night after the movie; the first time Cheryl had spilt her guts to the Serpent. “But I knew my hideous mother would never allow me to invite just you.” Toni’s lips quirked in the ghost of a smile and Cheryl was once again mystified that she could actually make a girl as wonderful as Toni smile at her like that like she was the only thing that mattered.

_Deviant._

“Which is…” _Deviant. Deviant. **Devia-.**_

For the first time in as long as Cheryl could remember, maybe ever, she managed to block out the incessant screaming of her mother in the back of her mind. Looking into Toni’s eyes her mind was silent, no voices, no screams, just calm. Cheryl took a shaky breath. “What I craved.”

_Craving._

That was exactly what Cheryl felt every waking moment, a gut-wrenching, soul-consuming, craving _need_ to be around Toni. She craved every part of her; her smile, her laugh, her touch, her mere _presence_ was like a drug to Cheryl. A contact high of happiness so pure it was terrifying.

Toni glanced down at Cheryl’s lips, Cheryl glanced at Toni’s.

They both began to move forward.

Cheryl could smell worn leather and pomegranate, feel the ghost of Toni’s breath on her lips.

She closed her eyes.

_Crash._

Cheryl pulled back as if she had been burned, eyes snapping open and flitting towards her door. She glanced back at Toni who looked as petrified as Cheryl felt. Both girls lurched from the bed, bypassing the other three who were only just beginning to stir with the commotion. Cheryl flung open the door, Toni hot on her heels and sped out onto the balcony overlooking the foyer.

Nana Rose was sprawled on the floor, eyes closed and chair wheels spinning.

Cheryl screamed.


	5. There's something tragic about you, something so magic about you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just watched the musical episode and though it was cringey I actually kinda liked it?? Like we were ROBBED of choni scenes but I also enjoyed what we got- and Cheryl's reconciliation with Josie? Fabulous  
> Just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read, liked and commented-your kind words and kudos are much appreiciated, y'all consistently make my day with your support :)  
> But anyway here is the latest chapter and I hope you all enjoy it

**Cha-Cha [03:23pm]**

_Hey Cheryl, how is your Nana doing?_

Toni let out a shaky breath, Cheryl had been MIA since the night before when Nana Rose had fallen (or been pushed) down the stairs. Toni locked her phone, placing it on her bed face down, almost scared to look at the screen before Cheryl’s reply came through. It was awful, what happened to Nana Rose, that woman was the only good Blossom besides Cheryl and she deserved so much better than to have been thrown down the stairs by her own son and daughter in law.

Though Toni felt bad for Cheryl and her grandmother she couldn’t help but be a little annoyed by the whole situation, as fucked up as that was.

They were going to kiss, Toni was sure of it.

Then, of course, Nana had fallen, or been pushed or whatever it was that happened. But they were _going to kiss_ , weeks of sexual tension and growing feelings all coming to a head in _Cheryl’s bed_ no less.

Of course, the moment was going to get ruined, it was typical, but at least it proved what Toni had thought; Cheryl did have feelings for her. Whether they were purely sexual or had romantic intentions behind them Toni didn’t know but at the very least she knew there was something more than a purely platonic relationship between them.

Toni was grinning to herself like an idiot when her phone finally pinged.

**Bombshell <3 [03:34pm]**

_Hi Toni, sorry for my silence, I just wanted to make sure my Nana was safe.  She’s doing okay. She’s stable and the doctors say she’ll make a recovery but I was so scared Toni, she’s the only friend I have in that house._

**Cha-Cha [03:34pm]**

_Don’t apologise, Cheryl, it’s fine :) I’m just glad Nana Rose is going to be alright. I really wish you’d told me how bad it was at home, you could have stayed with me._

Perhaps that was too forward of Toni, but then again at this point, there really wasn’t any need for subtlety.

**Bombshell <3 [03:35pm]**

_She hasn’t woken up yet but the doctors say that’s normal considering how many pain meds she’s on. I know, but I didn’t want to bother you._

**Cha-Cha [03:35pm]**

_You will never be a bother to me, Cheryl Blossom. Ever. You have to know that by now_

Even after everything, Cheryl still didn’t believe Toni was in this for the long haul, then again considering everything Cheryl had told her about her childhood, her parents and essentially her life, it made sense that she would struggle trusting people. Hell, it made sense that she would never trust anyone at all. And yet of all the people in Riverdale, all the people in the world, Cheryl Blossom could have placed her trust in, she chose a Serpent from the Southside.

**Bombshell <3 [03:36pm]**

_You are too good to me Toni Topaz. I don’t deserve you._

Toni wanted to hug Cheryl so tight that the world couldn’t get to her anymore, so tight that they couldn’t tell where Toni ended and Cheryl began. Toni wanted to tell Cheryl that she deserved her, that she deserved so much more, that she deserved the fucking _world._

Instead, she told her:

**Cha-Cha [03:37pm]**

_I give as good as I get, you’ve been good to me Red, and I plan on doing the same for you._

**Bombshell <3 [03:37pm]**

_Such a smooth talker, Topaz. I bet you have all the girls falling at your feet._

**Cha-Cha [03:39pm]**

_Nah, I’m more of a one-woman kinda gal._

**Bombshell <3 [03:39pm]**

_Never pegged you for a romantic, T.T._

The fact of the matter was that Toni was indeed a romantic, a hopeless one, as was evident in the small heart emoji she had added to Cheryl’s contact name. Toni may have been a Southside Serpent but she was also a teenage girl and may or may not have imagined multiple first date scenarios for her and Cheryl. These ranged from dinner and a movie to taking her out in Sweet Pea’s truck to the hills beyond Sweetwater River to stargaze (the latter was her favoured option).

**Cha-Cha [03:41pm]**

_There’s a lot you don’t know about me Bombshell, would you like to find out?_

**Bombshell <3 [03:42pm]**

_More than anything._

**Bombshell <3 [03:43pm]**

_Sorry,_ _Toni, I’m going to have to go, there’s a doctor here and she wants to talk about Nana’s condition._

**Cha-Cha [03:43pm]**

_Give her a get-well hug from me. Nana Rose, not the doctor. Unless the doctor is hot, then you can give her a hug ;)_

**Cha-Cha [03:43pm]**

_Seriously though, stay safe and try and get some rest- I can come by later and see you if you’d like?_

**Bombshell <3 [03:44pm]**

_I would love that x_

Toni’s heart sped up at the kiss at the end of Cheryl’s message. _God, when did I become this pathetic?_ Toni threw her phone back down onto her bedsheets, leaning back and falling onto the pillows resting against her small headboard. Her bed was lumpy and nowhere near as comfortable as Cheryl’s had been- or maybe she just wanted Cheryl next to her.

She could almost hear Sweet Pea and Fangs mocking how soft she’d become.

 

* * *

 

Toni swung her leg over the seat of her bike, comfortably seating herself before reaching down to grab her helmet. As she sat up she noticed a pair of legs walking towards her, she would recognise those skinny jeans anywhere. Toni straightened up, flipping her hair over her shoulder and locking eyes with Jughead.

“Where you off to?” The young man called, sauntering up in that cool yet disaffected way that seemed to ooze off of Jughead naturally.

“The hospital,” Toni replied flippantly, as much as she loved Jughead, she really wanted to go check on Cheryl as quickly as possible. Judging by the concerned look that flickered across his usually apathetic features, Toni knew she would be stuck here a while.

“The hospital? Is everything okay?” Jughead leaned against the side of her trailer, toying with the sleeves of his Serpent jacket.

“Yeah, I’m just visiting Cheryl and her grandmother.”

“You’re visiting _Cheryl Blossom?_ ” Toni rolled her eyes at Jughead’s tone.

“Yes, and I’m gonna be late so can you please let me go?”

“No! We need to talk about this, what the hell are you doing hanging out with Cheryl? Is that who you’ve been with all those times you missed Swords and Serpents?” Jughead rattled off questions as if she was one of his interviewees for the paper.

“Okay let’s chill with the inquisition.” Toni stopped him, holding a hand up firmly. Jughead stopped, closing his mouth comically. “You’re worse than Sweet Pea.”

 _“Sweet Pea_ knows?” he folded his arms, standing up straight. _Was that supposed to be intimidating?_

“Yes. Though there’s not much to know.” Toni lied, Jughead would _not_ understand just exactly what was going on between Cheryl and Toni, not that she did either. “We’re friends Jughead, what’s so wrong with that?”

“She’s a Northsider Toni! She’s the fucking _queen_ of it! She’s a Blossom for Christ sake!” Jughead through his hands up in frustration, Toni clenched her fist, jaw muscles tensing as she gritted her teeth.

“Oh, I’m sorry, are Northsiders _off limits_? Then explain to me Jughead why it’s alright for you to date a Northsider when you’re giving me the third degree for even being friends with one?” Toni spat, fury crackling over her skin like an aura.

“She’s a Blossom, Toni, it’s not the same.” Jughead sighed, almost as if he was disappointed in her and that threw Toni over the edge.

“Well, you _fuckwit_ , if you haven’t forgotten Betty, is also a Blossom so I guess your argument is pretty much bullshit.” Toni had him, she knew she did and Jughead did too judging by the way his face fell. “Now if you’ll excuse me, my _friend’s_ grandmother is currently lying unconscious in a hospital bed and I need to be there for her.” Toni pulled her helmet on, not giving Jughead time to respond before she revved the throttle and pealed out of the trailer park.

 

Toni arrived at the hospital in record time, breaking the speed limit always helped to calm her anger and she had been particularly angry. She found a spot for her bike in the parking lot and made her way into the hospital- Cheryl and her Nana were on the second floor and not expecting her for another ten minutes, which gave her time to stop off at the small shop in the entrance. There wasn’t much on offer except for candy, some soda, cards and a few bunches of flowers. Toni spent at least 6 of the ten minutes she had trying to pick the nicest bouquet, eventually settling on one with a lot of red toned flowers. She paid at the cash register, a woman who looked like she had been retrieved from her crypt that morning smiling at her as she handed over the money.

When she arrived in the room Cheryl was sat in the chair beside her grandmother’s bed, head back, copper hair pooling around her shoulders and the headrest looking like an absolute vision. Despite the situation Toni found herself unable to not gape in awe at the beauty of Cheryl Blossom, she was flawless, porcelain skin, perfect full lips and red, wavy hair that was to die for. _God, she’s beautiful._ Toni stood awestruck in the doorway for a moment longer before Cheryl stirred, head falling forwards as she straightened up in the seat, eyes locking with Toni’s as her hair fell perfectly back into place.

She looked like she had been painted by the Pre-Raphaelites.

“Toni,” Cheryl breathed, voice husky and a smile beginning to tug at the corners of her lips. “You came.”

“Of course, I did, Bombshell.” Toni stepped forwards, bringing the flowers round from her back and into Cheryl’s view. The redhead’s eyes widened and her smile broke out into a grin. “I brought these for your Nana…and for you.” Toni smiled sheepishly, boot scuffing the floor.

“They’re beautiful, Toni, thank you- Nana will love them.” Cheryl stood up and took the flowers from Toni, her fingers brushing against Toni’s as she did so. Cheryl leaned forwards, and her breath caressed the smaller girl’s cheek. “And I do too.” Toni suppressed a shiver at the feeling of Cheryl’s breath against her skin and she almost melted altogether when the redhead pressed a ghost of a kiss against her cheek. “Thank you for visiting, it means a lot.” Toni nodded once before looking over at Nana Rose unconscious in the bed.

“How is she?”

“Stable.” Cheryl sighed, moving to sit back in the armchair beside the bed- Toni grabbed one of the plastic ones, content to let Cheryl have the more comfortable one. “Like I said, they think its normal that she hasn’t woken up yet but-” Cheryl broke off on a sob, throwing her head into her hands. “It’s so scary, T.T…I can’t lose her.”

“Hey,” Toni dropped from the chair, kneeling in front of Cheryl. “Cheryl…” she reached forward tentatively, taking her hands away from her face and into her own. Even like this Cheryl was beautiful, tear-stained and hurting Toni still thought she was the most gorgeous woman she had ever had the pleasure of seeing. “Your Nana is just like you- strong.” Cheryl scoffed but Toni continued “She is gonna make it through this I’m sure of it, and so are you.” Toni swallowed, emotion causing a lump to begin forming in her throat. “Listen, you have overcome so, so much and at the end of it you’re a better person. Everyone may not be able to see that yet, but they will and until then I’m here to see it for them. If you can make it through all that you have and still be here then I know your Nana can survive this.” Tears were still falling from Cheryl’s eyes as she locked gazes with Toni.

“I almost wasn’t.” She choked out, breath hitching and voice barely above a whisper.

“Almost wasn’t what?” Toni asked, cocking her head to the side in confusion.

“Here.” Cheryl sobbed, clutching onto Toni’s hands as if they were the only thing holding her to the Earth. “Last year, the day of the jubilee, I-I…” Toni knew where this was going, she could sense it the same way that animals could sense lightning and the thought alone broke her, her own tears beginning to fall. “I couldn’t take it anymore, my mother, my father, _Jason._ I just wanted to see him again, he was the only one who knew me, understood me so I-” another sob, Toni’s lip trembled. “I went to the river and…” Cheryl was crying too hard to continue but Toni could fill in the gaps, she lurched upwards, wrapping her arms around Cheryl’s heaving shoulders and pulled her in tight to her chest. It was awkward, Toni still kneeling on the floor but god if she didn’t try to make it the best goddamn hug Cheryl Blossom had ever experienced. It took a moment for the redhead to reciprocate, her arms hanging uselessly for a second before she wrapped them around Toni’s shoulders, pulling her in impossibly closer. Cheryl shook against her, crying into her shoulder while Toni whispered

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I got you.” Over and over again until the words were infused into Cheryl’s blood. She needed her to know that she was never going to let anyone hurt her ever again, that she would never feel so lost, never find herself in that headspace that Toni was going to be there through all of it.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, until Cheryl’s sobs turned to hiccups and the tears finally stopped falling. “I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay, ’cause I know you’re not,” Toni said gently and Cheryl barked a laugh, she pulled away, cupping Cheryl’s face in her hands, looking into her eyes to try and convey everything she felt for the remarkable girl in front of her. “But you will be.” Cheryl nodded, a smile beginning to form.

Toni wanted to lean forwards, close the gap and kiss away the pain she could see in Cheryl’s eyes. She deserved so much more than what she had been given and God Toni wanted to give her everything. Her life, her soul, her _love_.

Cheryl squeezed Toni’s hands and brought her back into the moment. “Thank you, Toni, for everything.” Toni smiled, shoving thoughts of kissing Cheryl Blossom to the back of her mind.

“It’s what I’m here for.”

 

* * *

 

**_Incoming text from Bombshell <3_ **

****

**Bombshell <3 [08:37 pm]**

_Thank you for earlier, Toni- it meant a lot and you really helped._

**Cha-Cha [08:37 pm]**

_Like I said, it’s what I’m here for Cheryl, you don’t need to thank me :)_

**Bombshell <3 [08:38 pm]**

_You’re too cute, T.T._

**Cha-Cha [08:39 pm]**

_I am literally a member of a **gang** , you can’t call me cute :(_

**Bombshell <3 [08:41 pm]**

_But you are! The cutest ;)_

Toni smiled down at her phone, this flirty Cheryl was a far cry from the woman who she had held in the hospital room not three hours earlier.

**Cha-Cha [08:41 pm]**

_You’re insufferable_

**Bombshell <3 [08:42 pm]**

_My grandma is lying in a hospital bed and my mother may be plotting to kill me, you can’t be mean to me :(_

**Cha-Cha [08:42 pm]**

_*Sigh* Sorry Cheryl_

**Cha-Cha [08:42 pm]**

_And you don’t really think that, do you?_

**Bombshell <3 [08:43 pm]**

_It’s hard not to considering my mother’s history and what happened to Nana._

Toni wasn’t convinced that Penelope would kill Cheryl, but she knew what the woman was capable of and the thought of leaving Cheryl alone with her filled Toni with dread.

**Cha-Cha [08:45 pm]**

_Remember if you need a place to stay I’m more than willing to provide_

**Bombshell <3 [08:45 pm]**

_I know, and you have no idea how grateful I am but for now, I’m gonna stay with Nana Rose to make sure she’s safe._

**Cha-Cha [08:46 pm]**

_Just be careful okay Cher? And remember to get some rest_

**Bombshell <3 [08:46pm]**

_I will Toni, I’m just going to check with a Doctor to see if they have any updates then I’ll have a nap or something._

**Cha-Cha [08:46 pm]**

_I’ll hold you to that Bombshell, keep me updated?_

**Bombshell <3 [08:47 pm]**

_I will I promise._

Toni figured that was Cheryl’s way of signing off before talking to the Doctor so she locked her phone, placing it on the table before returning to the homework she had been working on before Cheryl successfully distracted her.

Not that she was complaining, talking with Cheryl was far more interesting than AP History.

Toni hoped she was okay.

It had been less than a minute she really shouldn’t check her phone again already.

She flipped the phone over on the table. Nothing. _Of course there’s nothing she’s talking to the Doctor._ Toni had never craved another person the way she craved Cheryl, it was terrifying and intoxicating all at once. _Is it too soon to miss her?_ Toni glanced at the time. _It’s been an hour, yes, it is too soon to miss her._

Toni missed her anyway.

The Serpent rolled her eyes at herself, god she was becoming needy. _Come on, T, focus on your homework- it’s not going to do itself._

The history work helped as a distraction before she knew it another hour had passed, Toni began to smile; Cheryl would have finished with the doctor _ages_ ago and hopefully would have texted her an update. Toni was practically grinning as she picked up her phone to see Cheryl’s message but as she unlocked her phone her smile dropped. There were no new messages. _Weird_. Toni pocketed her phone, heading to the bathroom to get herself ready for bed, by the time she was done Cheryl should have replied.

Twenty minutes later and still nothing. Toni pulled up her previous conversation with Cheryl, quickly typing a (hopefully) not too overbearing text.

**Cha-Cha [10:13 pm]**

_Hey Cheryl, what did the doctor have to say?_

Toni placed her phone on the bed beside her, throwing her head back to land on her pillow- she shouldn’t be worried, she had no reason to be, Cheryl had probably just fallen asleep.

_But she promised you she would text you._

_Maybe she forgot?_

_Or maybe Penelope got to her._

**Cha-Cha [10:17 pm]**

_I’m probably freaking out over nothing and you’re just asleep right now but would you mind texting me, just so I know you’re okay?_

**Cha-Cha [10:24 pm]**

_Cheryl?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry ;) <3
> 
> if you want to yell at me, feel free to do it on tumblr: @gayerbythesecond


	6. Drowned in living waters, cursed by the love I recieved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six is here for your reading pleasure :) 
> 
> Updates may be coming slightly slower as I'm back at university and assignments (unfortunately) take priority but hopefully you guys can understand and stick with me as I churn out the choni ;)
> 
> Thank you all again for the amazing comments and the kudos- they are sincerely appreciated
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter and if you have any questions/rants or want to send me prompts feel free to @gayerbytheseonc on tumblr

 

**Cha-Cha <3 [08:46 pm]**

_I’ll hold you to that Bombshell, keep me updated?_

Cheryl reread the message for the third time, smile slowly turning into a full-fledged grin. Cheryl knew for certain now that Toni was the best thing to ever happen to her. She glanced over at the flowers in the plastic vase one of the nurses had provided, she was so kind, so caring it brought tears to her eyes just thinking about her selflessness.

 

**Bombshell <3 [08:47 pm]**

_I will I promise._

 

She locked her phone, placing it on the side table while retrieving her book to mark the page before hurrying out the room to catch the doctor. “Doctor Masters? Any updates on my Nana?” Cheryl wrung her hands together nervously, maybe this time he would be able to confirm her suspicions, or maybe he was going to be as useless as he had the last three times she’d asked.

_No. Be kinder, he’s just doing his job._

The man turned, Cheryl fixed him with a warm smile to make up for her internal monologue. “Yes,” he returned the smile briefly before turning serious. “We just got her panel back. There was a trace amount of a paralytic toxin in her bloodstream; Tannis root.” Cheryl’s blood ran cold and her already porcelain face paled. “Which is strange because it’s so rare but as your mother and uncle explain it, they’ve caught your Nana on more than one occasion chewing bits of Tannis root she grows in your greenhouse.”

_Lies, lies, lies._

“So, it’s just more of her sundowners syndrome.” He smiled again but Cheryl was lost in her own mind; Tannis root… she had been right- her mother and uncle were trying to get rid of Nana Rose which meant Cheryl was indeed next. “We’ll keep her for observation for another day and then she should be well enough to return home.” That snapped Cheryl’s attention back to the doctor.

“To my mother and uncle?” Cheryl knew she sounded panicked, desperate even but at this point, there was no real need to keep up appearances. She _was_ panicked, she _was_ desperate.

_I wish Toni was still here._

“No Doctor Masters you don’t understand you-”

“Cheryl.” Her mother’s icy voice cut through her panicked rambling with terrifying finesse. The redhead turned, hands already beginning to shake as she watched her mother stride towards her with a purpose. “There you are,” Her voice was poisoned honey, sweet and deadly- it shook Cheryl to her very core. “Looking a little worse for wear.” Penelope wound an arm around her shoulder and it took all of Cheryl’s strength not to physically revolt away from her touch. Her mother turned to the doctor. “Poor dear hasn’t slept in days, why don’t we stop bothering Doctor Masters and I’ll take you straight home.” Penelope clutched at her arm with a bruising grip, Cheryl tried to stand firm but her mother was persistent, digging her nails into the flesh of her arm in a way that would undoubtedly leave a mark. “Come on.” Her mother’s tone was sweet, nice even but Cheryl could feel the fury radiating off of her in waves.

Penelope led her away in dead silence, Cheryl ‘s hands were shaking uncontrollably at this point. She glanced at her mother, her expression was set, jaw muscles tense and mouth pulled into a thin, menacing line.  They made their way through the hospital, Penelope’s hand never straying from her back as Cheryl kept pace, too terrified of what would happen if she didn’t to disobey. They made it out the main doors, Penelope’s car was waiting for them, she walked a few steps forward, removing her hand from Cheryl to open the door. “Get in.” her voice was pure ice; hard, sharp and meaning crystal- Penelope was not in the mood for Cheryl to talk back. The redhead swallowed, feeling for her phone as her mother walked round to the driver’s side.

It wasn’t there. It was still in Nana Rose’s room.

“Get _in,_ Cheryl.” Her mother’s voice was sharp enough to cut her so the redhead obeyed, sitting down in the passenger’s seat. She closed the door gently, pulling the seatbelt into place and settling in as comfortably as she could. Penelope drove out of the parking lot at a dangerous speed, tires spinning as she made it onto the main road. Luckily as the drive continued she seemed to calm somewhat and drove on at a reasonable pace.

Cheryl was frozen in the seat, hands crossed on her lap to cover the fact that they were trembling. She gnawed at her lip, biting so hard she worried she’d draw blood. _Can’t, it’ll ruin the image._ The thought surprised Cheryl, she hadn’t thought about maintaining the Blossom image in at least a month…not since she’d met Toni.

_Toni._

God, she was expecting Cheryl to text her, she had promised she would.

_Useless, useless, useless._

Cheryl looked out the window, tears welling in her eyes. It was foggy, rain beginning to patter across the windshield and as Cheryl took note of her surroundings she realised that this wasn’t the route back to Thistlehouse. In fact, they were driving away from Riverdale. Cheryl tried not to let the panic show in her posture, instead, she focused her energy on keeping her voice level. “I think…I figured it out.” She turned to look forward, not trusting herself to look at her mother. “You paralysed Nana Rose with the Tannis root and then pushed her down the stairs.” Penelope was silent, the ever-increasing rain pounding on the car was the only sound as they continued driving. After a moment Penelope replied.

“You’ve gone mad.” Cheryl whipped her head around, her mother looked pained, as if she was, for some reason, going to cry. “That’s all there is to it.” Cheryl swallowed, her mother’s voice was shaking “You have lost your mind…and you leave us no choice.”

Panic flared in the redhead’s chest, she looked out the window briefly in an attempt to see where it was exactly that Penelope was driving to but to no avail. Her whole body was shaking, tears pooling across her waterline just as one finally fell. “W-what do you mean no choice?” Penelope carried on as if she hadn’t heard Cheryl.

“But it’s alright.” Cheryl’s breath caught. “They’re going to make you all better.” She turned away from her mother, tears streaming across her cheeks. “All better.” Her mother echoed herself. Cheryl was silent, she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t leap out of the car, not at this speed. Her phone was still at the hospital, no one knew where she was, not even she herself knew.

God, she was going to die.

“Who’s ‘they’ mother?” Cheryl questioned, voice cracking over a sob. “Where are you taking me.”

“All better.” Her mother repeated, eyes fixed on the road ahead. Cheryl was convinced it wasn’t she, but Penelope, who had lost her mind. Cheryl bit her lip to keep from crying out, this was it- this was the end she knew it.

It wasn’t how she had pictured it.

Cheryl Blossom had imagined her death many times and in many different ways; she had dreamed of drowning in oceans after Heather, she had tried to join Jason the same way. Sometimes it was her father who did it, returning from the grave to put a bullet in her skull just like he did JJ, once it had been Cheryl herself, hanging from the rafters in the barn rather than her father. Recently it had been a tossup between her mother and her uncle Claudius.

Cheryl had wanted to die before.

Cheryl didn’t want to anymore.

For once Cheryl had something that she would be leaving behind, someone who would miss her.

Cheryl wanted nothing more than for Toni to turn up, revving the throttle of her bike as she pulled alongside the car, saving Cheryl for them to ride off into the sunset. Cheryl wanted Toni to be standing in the middle of the road to make her mother stop, she would open the door and Cheryl would throw herself into her arms. Cheryl just wanted Toni.

She wanted and wanted and _wanted._ She wanted Toni to save her, she wanted Toni to be here, she wanted to tell Toni how she felt.

She’d never even had the chance.

Cheryl watched her mother grip the steering wheel tighter out the corner of her eye, she turned to glance out the windshield, hoping for a glimpse at where they were heading. She got it. Up ahead loomed a familiar building, bricks crumbling and windows barred, a large cross hanging above the entranceway. “They’re going to fix you, Cheryl.” Her mother spoke calmly, collected once more.

The sign for _The Sisters of Quiet Mercy_ passed by the car as Penelope turned the car to park it. Cheryl choked out a sob, flinging her hands over her mouth in a last-ditch attempt to cover it. The car stopped. Her mother turned to face her.

_Toni._

 

* * *

 

Cheryl grit her teeth, the needle biting into her skin was painful but the vice-like grip the Sister had on her arm was far worse. “Get some rest, girlie- you’ll need it for tomorrow.” Cheryl nodded, dry cheeks being wet with new tears as Sister Woodhouse caressed her jawline, smiling menacingly.

For a brief moment Cheryl had thought she would be able to trust her, that she would finally get the help she needed to expose her mother, but no, Cheryl never came out on top- not really. Life was kicking her down once again, not content to see her suffer through losing her brother, it wasn’t enough to have her mother verbally and physically abuse her, no. She also had to be sent to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, to be signed up for _conversion therapy._ Just when she thought she things were picking up when she was finally _happy._

And God Toni had made her so happy.

5ft 2” of pure sass, Toni was all too easy to fall for. Even when Cheryl had pushed her away, treat her like dirt, Toni was there. A shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, she was everything Cheryl had ever wanted and needed. Jesus Christ did Cheryl need her. Toni brought her joy, kept her from feeling like nothing, stopped her from going to the darkest of places within her own mind. Toni was her lifeboat, keeping her afloat in a raging black ocean- would she notice Cheryl was gone or would she move on from what they had, just like everyone else had done?

Cheryl turned in the bed to look out the window; rain still pelted down onto the glass, the sky dark as evening turned to night. She’d been here less than an hour and she already knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep, not in this wretched place. The smell of damp and mould was suffocating, the sounds of whimpering and screaming deafening and the oppressive, religious atmosphere crushing. Everything about this place screamed _wrong_ so wrong that Cheryl could feel it in her very bones, the same way she had sensed something was going to happen at Thistlehouse three nights ago, the same way that she knew even before they found the body that Jason was dead. She just _knew_ terrible things had happened here, and were going to happen to her. A quiet sob escaped her throat, she clapped a hand to her mouth in a vain attempt to cover the sound- she was not going to give the Sisters here the satisfaction of hearing her break down.

She swallowed in an attempt to rid herself of the lump forming in her throat, wiping her eyes briefly before lying down. The blankets were rough and scratched at her exposed knees as Cheryl tried to make herself more comfortable on the paper-thin mattress. It was cliché, she knew, for her to curl up in the foetal position, arms hugging her knees but it was all she could think to do. A particularly high-pitched scream pierced her ears, it was quickly followed by a dull thud. Cheryl didn’t want to think about what had just happened, what caused the scream or what the source of the thud was. She didn’t want to think about how that could be her, how that probably _would_ be her in a few days.

Instead, she thought about school, about Josie and if the girl would ever forgive her, about Veronica and about everything they could have been had they met at a different time or had she stuck around just a little longer. Cheryl thought of Archie and his music, he really was quite good; she thought of Jughead and how happy he made her cousin Betty. Cheryl thought of Kevin, oh so like her in so many ways, how she’d always wanted to approach him, properly. To look into his eyes in the way only people like them could and silently scream that they were alike, that they were the same.

Cheryl almost didn’t want to think of Toni, didn’t want to associate thoughts of her with this place, but she couldn’t help it. Toni, even the thought of her brought Cheryl comfort. Cheryl laid there for hours, imagining what Toni had done when she left the hospital, what it would be like to sleep beside Toni, for real.

Exhaustion finally claimed her deep in the night, thoughts of Toni swirling through her unconscious mind.

 

* * *

 

A thunderous pounding sounded out through the small cell; Cheryl leapt from her bed, eyes flitting around the room wildly in search of the source. The pounding stopped after three booms, the grinding of metal sliding against metal met her ears next and the redhead turned to see the small peephole cover on her door being slid to the side. “Wake up, it’s time for prayer- clean yourself up and get ready, we’ll be back for you in ten minutes.” The voice was female, unfamiliar, decidedly too gruff to be Sister Woodhouse. Cheryl instantly hated the voice’s owner. The peephole slid shut once more, followed by the sound of small heels clicking down the hall. Another knock pounded out, this time on a different door. Cheryl let out a sigh, straightening out her clothes and running a shaky hand through her hair.

Cheryl glanced around the room, the morning light giving her a better look at the small cell that she was being kept in. There wasn’t much- the bed, the window, one of those pecking bird ornaments and a single chair with a pile of folded clothes sat atop it. The redhead grabbed the clothes, unfolding the items to find a pale blue dress that looked like something right out of the 1940s with a horrific red cardigan to match, a pair of white socks and white sandshoes. “I am not wearing this,” Cheryl said to no one in particular. “I’ve been here less than 24 hours and I’m already talking to myself, fantastic.” She turned to face the window, the bars marred most of the view outside as well as any possibility of looking for her reflection to try and fix her hair. _Guess we’re going to have to guess at this…_ Cheryl ran her hands through her copper locks, pulling at the bunches the Sisters had forced her to tie into her hair the night before and tried to untangle any knots. She returned to the bed, taking a seat as she waited for whoever it was that had called on her to collect her.

It took another couple of minutes or so before Cheryl heard a key being pushed into the lock on her door before it swung open with a dull thunk and resounding creak.

“Just what do you think you’re wearing?” the owner of the gruff voice was an old woman with stringy blonde hair pulled back into a severe bun. She glared at Cheryl with an edge that rivalled her mother’s icy stare.

“My clothes?” Cheryl replied confused. “You told me to get ready, so I did.” The woman trod towards her, eyes never breaking contact with Cheryl’s. The redhead was not one to let on to her nerves so she held her head high, smiling coolly as she crossed her hands calmly in her lap.

_Smack!_

The sting of the Sister’s hand across Cheryl’s cheek was unexpected, painful and jarring. “Insolent child!” The sister hissed, almost spitting in Cheryl’s face. The redhead looked up, tears brimming in her eyes. “You will wear what we have provided you, do not disobey me again.”

“But-” Another smack, this time with the back of the Sister’s other hand across the same cheek. Cheryl reached a hand up to caress the sore flesh.

“Do not talk back to me, deviant.”

_Deviant._ The word stopped Cheryl’s stroking of her stinging cheek, it froze her. All of a sudden, she was 14 again, watching Heather be dragged from Thornhill by her hair, her mother screaming that she was sick, sinful, _deviant._ The scene played out over and over in her head, sometimes it was Heather being dragged, then it was Cheryl herself and then it was Toni, Toni, Toni. “Clean yourself up, and put on the correct clothes this time.” Cheryl nodded once, neck muscles tight as her own personal horror show flashed through her mind over and over again. She rose from the bed, grabbing the clothes and turned to the sister, waiting for her to leave. She didn’t. “I said get changed, I need to make sure you don’t try any funny business.” Cheryl choked back a sob, beginning to slip her skirt down her legs as the Sister watched attentively. Silent tears spilled from her eyes as she got changed, trying to make as quick a job of it as was physically possible. “Now was that so difficult?” the Sister smiled at her as Cheryl fixed her cardigan, pulling it neatly into place.

_Yes, Jesus Christ, yes._

“Time for prayer then, dear, come along.” It was striking, how quickly her voice reverted to sickly sweetness as if she was just a normal, kind old nun instead of a wicked old hag participating in heinous atrocities against teenagers. Cheryl followed her out of the room quietly, a few other teenagers milled about in the hallway all wearing the same or similar outfits to Cheryl. A girl who looked the same age as Cheryl with raven hair and sad green eyes threw a brief smile in her direction, Cheryl returned it before a clapping sound at the end of the hallway gathered all of the teen's attention. It was Sister Woodhouse.

“No dilly-dallying, the Lord is waiting.” Cheryl struggled not to roll her eyes, falling in line with the other teenagers as they followed the Sister through the halls to a chapel. It was in far better condition than the rest of the complex with stained glass windows and warm candles lighting the way. Cheryl followed the raven-haired girl to a pew near the front and sat beside her.

“Not too close.” She hissed in Cheryl’s direction as she scooted away, she glanced around for a moment before continuing in a gentler tone “They don’t like us touching.”

“Sorry,” Cheryl whispered back, keeping her eyes down. Sister Woodhouse seemed to be the one in charge as she made her way to the podium, candles flickering wildly as she whisked past.

“Now that we’re all settled, time to begin. Repeat after me.” Cheryl had never been one for religion if God was so good why were things always so dire? And this was hardly going to help her relationship with faith. “Father forgive me for I have sinned…”

On and on Sister Woodhouse droned, quoting bible verses and forcing the gathered teens to profess their sins to God. This went on for some time, by the end of it, Cheryl was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The redhead’s attention was brought back to Sister Woodhouse as she clapped her hands once, this seemed to have a similar effect on the other teenagers. “Now that prayer is over, it’s time for breakfast.” _Breakfast? Surely it can’t still be that early?_

In the coming days Cheryl would learn that time in the Sisters of Quiet Mercy did not work the same as in the rest of Riverdale- time seemed to slow here, to the point of every second dragging for what felt like ten. The minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like days. By the time her first day was over Cheryl felt as if she had worked a 12-hour shift with no rest. She practically crawled onto the bed, wireframe creaking as she pulled the thin blanket over herself. Hopefully, sleep would come easier.

It didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things may take a darker turn over the next few chapters, I appreciated that in Riverdale with the show having the rating and audience it does it can't necessarily go into too much graphic detail regarding Cheryl's therapy experience and that's totally fine but personally I want to look a bit deeper into that so as a warning I will most likely be churning out angst in the next chapter as it takes place during Cheryl's conversion therapy experience. (I will be adding tags once the chapter is posted to reflect this)
> 
> See y'all next time :)


	7. Drink my tears, I'm at your mercy, I love you most, but I'm not worthy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things get a little darker in this chapter, as warning I will say I do describe Cheryl undergoing conversion therapy so just to warn y'all that will be happening throughout the chapter. But yeah Cheryl Blossom needs a fucking hug but at the same time I thrive of angst so... yeah I hope you all enjoy this one and thank you again for all the great feedback I've gotten on this fic,

On Cheryl’s third day at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, she received her breakfast in her room rather than in the canteen. She looked up at Thomas- the nurse/guard who usually accompanied Sister Woodhouse- in confusion. He stared back at her, expression unreadable before backing out of the room and relocking the door. Cheryl sighed, glancing down at the meal; it was a larger portion than usual and was accompanied by a single white pill in a small paper cup. _Probably some other ‘placebo’ drug._ Cheryl was convinced that’s all that the drugs they pumped into her daily were, a placebo to convince her she was being ‘cured’. She took the tablet, swallowing it easily before starting her breakfast. The food here was dire but she needed to eat, to stay strong because if there was one thing for certain it was that Cheryl Blossom was not going down without a fight.

20 minutes later and Cheryl was beginning to feel queasy. _Did they poison me? Did mother sneak a Sister one of her herbs to put in my food?_ Cheryl was beginning to panic when her door was unlocked by Thomas and Sister Woodhouse. The nun walked in first, smiling in a way that was no doubt intended to be kind but came off menacing. Thomas followed, pulling in a trolley with an old TV set sat atop it. “Good morning, girlie.” Sister Woodhouse greeted, she glanced over Cheryl and the empty tray next to her on the bed. “Ah good girl, you ate all your breakfast.” She smiled again and Cheryl had never felt so patronised in her life, she was tempted to retort with some quip when another wave of nausea hit her, she almost doubled over but managed to hold herself up. “It’s time to begin your therapy, Cheryl.”

“Hadn’t we already started, Sister?” Cheryl asked tentatively, not wanting to antagonise her enough to provoke violence.

“Oh no dear, that’s not been therapy that’s simply education.” She smiled, clasping her hands together almost as if she took joy in what was about to happen. Cheryl’s face dropped as Thomas produced a bucket from the trolley while turning the switch on the TV. The screen flickered to life, at first it was just static but soon the picture began to focus. Thomas handed Cheryl the bucket as another round of nausea hit her. Cheryl looked up at Sister Woodhouse in confusion. “Trust me, you’re going to need it.” She smiled that horrid smile again and motioned for Thomas to leave the room. “This will help rid you of those impure thoughts, teach you the proper, _holy_ response to such deviant urges.”

Cheryl wished she could have physically prepared herself for the overwhelming wave of nausea washed over her as the TV finally focused and the beginnings of a lesbian porno played across the flickering screen. The door slammed shut as Thomas and the Sister left and bile began to unwillingly rise in her throat. Moans began to play through the crackly speakers as the film continued. Cheryl couldn’t hold it in anymore. She hurled herself forwards, heaving into the bucket; tears streamed down her face as the vomiting continued. A minute later and the nausea temporarily subsided, the porno was still playing and as much as Cheryl wanted to tear her eyes away she found she couldn’t, moments later she was left heaving in the bucket again.

Cheryl was going to die here.

She continued to cough and splutter, the stench of vomit filling her nose only making her want to heave even more. As Cheryl found herself vomiting into a bucket as the porno continued to play in front of her she somehow found herself thinking of Toni.

What was she doing right now? Had she noticed Cheryl was gone? What would she think of the redhead if she could see her right now?

Cheryl didn’t want an answer to that one.

The vomiting continued, honestly Cheryl was surprised there was anything left in her stomach for her throw up and yet it sustained. The TV kept playing and Cheryl kept retching, eventually, it turned to dry heaving, her throat raw and eyes stinging with tears. Eventually, the film ended and Cheryl could do no more than sob and sob until her throat ached and her head pounded. Sister Woodhouse returned sometime later, face sullen but eyes sparkling. “Isn’t that better? I think this is the perfect way to re-educate you, of course, we can try other methods, a combination of different therapies is often the most effective method for curing people like you.” Cheryl looked up at Sister Woodhouse, eyes streaming and hair a mess and knew she was looking into the face of the woman who would kill her. “Get yourself cleaned up, I’ll escort you to the washroom- it’s almost time for movie night.” The nun grabbed Cheryl’s arm and dragged her out of the cell, Thomas moved into the room as she left, no doubt to clean up and move the TV into the next cell. There was no doubt in Cheryl’s mind anymore.

This was hell.

 

* * *

 

The Sister’s ‘Movie Night’ was anything but pleasant, consisting of three Anti-Gay propaganda videos, each lasting roughly half an hour. After the first one Cheryl zoned out, suffering through the dark recesses of her mind was ten times more preferable than watching yet another 1950s announcer narrate some out-dated scene warning of the dangers of ‘sin’ and ‘deviance’. So, she reminisced, she thought of her childhood, days spent with Jason at Sweetwater River with picnics and boat-rides. She even allowed herself to think of Heather, innocent evenings spent kissing under covers and the nights of just holding each other tight that would follow.

Cheryl’s mind wandered to her friends, even if they didn’t care about her, even when they only came to her when they needed something from her, Cheryl still yearned for their affection and still considered them her friends. She wondered if Betty and Jughead were working on the paper right now if there was a new lead in their latest case or a new article running through the printing press. She wondered if Archie had finally returned to his music if he was practising chords or serenading Veronica. She wondered if Kevin was finally going to admit his crush on Fangs and just ask him out on a date already.

Soon the thoughts in her mind and the images on the screen began to blur and Cheryl found herself imagining her friends in the scenarios. Kevin and Moose became the football players, Veronica and Betty were the cheerleaders: it was horrifying but once she started she couldn’t stop. Silent tears spilled from her eyes as the films continued, Cheryl suddenly felt a hand on top of hers on the pew beside her. She glanced over to see the raven-haired girl from her first day was sat a couple of feet away. The redhead didn’t draw attention to the comforting contact but was grateful all the same. When the lights came back on after the films the girl withdrew her touch but as they trudged back to their respective cells Cheryl made sure to mutter a quiet thank you. Before Cheryl could enter her room her wrist was yanked backwards, she turned to see a nun younger than the others, brown hair tied back and face furious. Cheryl didn’t even get a chance to ask what the problem was before nails were digging into her wrist and the back of a hand was striking Cheryl across the cheek. “You are not here to make friends.” The Sister hissed, Cheryl grit her teeth to try and hide the pain that stung across her cheek and flared in her wrist. “You are here to be cured. You’d do well to remember that.”

“Yes, Sister.” It took all of Cheryl’s strength to not fire back an insult or scathing remark but she needed to lay low, she wasn’t going down without a fight of course but she was reminded of her lifelong mantra: _pick your battles._ This wasn’t a fight Cheryl could win, so she let it go, nodding demurely and returning to her cell.

Cheryl laid down on the wireframe bed, she figured after three days she would be used to the uncomfortable mattress by now but alas no, it was still as horrific as the first night. The redhead stared up at the peeling painted ceiling, a few flakes were hanging off so severely Cheryl was convinced they were going to fall on her during the night. _Maybe if I choke on a paint fleck it’ll get me out of this hell._ She smiled to herself but stopped a moment later- _I really am going mad._ She turned to face the padded wall, there were a few tears in the fabric, seemingly from nail marks. Cheryl pondered who might have been in this cell before her, was it a boy? A girl? Someone who identified as neither and that was why they had been brought here? Were they her age or older, maybe even younger? In her few days at the compound Cheryl had seen patients from the age of 14 to roughly 21- even being a legal adult didn’t save some of them. As much as the Sisters believed in what was _godly_ and _right_ they really did seem to have questionable moral compasses. Cheryl didn’t want to think about the nuns and their ‘trusted’ methods that would make even the strongest stomachs turn, so returned her thoughts to the hypothetical previous patient. Had they come here willingly? Though why anyone would do that Cheryl didn’t know, or had they been forced by parents? Or maybe they had lived with other family members, like an aunt or grandparents. Had they been single and come out to a homophobic family? Or had they been dating someone and been found out? Cheryl then began to wonder what had happened to the previous owner of the room; had they been converted? Or had they faked it? Had they been rescued? Had they _escaped?_ Cheryl hoped wherever they were now they were happy.

Of course, none of these questions could be answered but it was nice to think of something other than her current situation. She pondered the previous patient for hours, until the early hours of the morning when exhaustion finally took over.

Cheryl dreamt of pink hair and warm brown eyes.

 

* * *

 

Cheryl had been locked up for a week now and it was starting to break her. Every morning she would be woken up at 6 am for prayer, she would then have breakfast either in her room with the sickness pill or in the cafeteria, on the days she had breakfast in her room she would then undergo ‘therapy’ on the days she didn’t it would then be time for practising bible verses- if she got any of them wrong she would be hit.

Lunchtime would roll around and if she hadn’t had therapy that morning she would receive her sickness pill and have it in the afternoon. At 3 pm it was time for ‘quiet reflection’ in the chapel with the other patients- if you could even call them that, they were more like prisoners. After an hour they would meet in a dingy room with a circle of chairs for group counselling and afterwards it would be dinner time.

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday the Sisters would gather the teens for ‘movie night’ and then it was finally time for bed. Not that Cheryl slept anymore and even when she did she was haunted by nightmares. Occasionally she would dream of Toni. Those were the best nights.

Cheryl made her way out of prayer, ready for breakfast, no nun came to her telling her to return to her room so Cheryl figured she would receive her sickness pill with lunch. She hated these days, it was much better to get it over with in the morning rather than wait around all day with the knowledge that therapy was in the afternoon, plus having two meals to throw up was much worse than just one. Bible quoting came and went and it was time for lunch but Cheryl didn’t get told to return to her room, nor was she given the usual pill. Cheryl wanted to believe it was because they thought they’d gotten through to her, that they believed she’d been ‘cured’. Cheryl couldn’t believe that, because nothing ever went her way. So, when she returned to her room after lunch to find Sister Woodhouse waiting for her, Cheryl was hit with a sick sense of _I knew it._ The old woman smiled at her, it was sickly sweet and poisonous. “Cheryl, how are you today my dear?” she asked

“I would be better if I wasn’t stuck in this hellhole.” Cheryl bit back “What are you doing here, it’s my free time- I gotta catch up on Deuteronomy.” She rolled her eyes, surprisingly her remark wasn’t met with a swift backhand off the Sister, instead, she stood there looking sullen.

“That is the exact kind of attitude I think the new therapy will work wonders on.” Cheryl’s heart sank and her palms began to sweat.

“N-new therapy?” she hated that her voice shook, she was supposed to be strong, she was Cheryl _fucking_ Blossom.

_Weak, weak, **weak.**_

“Yes, girlie.” An ominous rattling sounded in the hallway, a very similar sound to the cart with the TV except as the noise drew closer it sounded like there were two trolleys. “My fellow Sisters and I think that this will be far more effective.” Thomas appeared in the doorway, TV cart pushed in front of him and another one behind him, pushed by another male nurse that Cheryl hadn’t seen before. This trolley was smaller and carried a small box-shaped contraption with wires protruding from it all over the place. “Thank you, boys, tie her down, will you?”

“W-what? No!” Cheryl screeched, scooting backwards on the bed in a futile attempt at getting away, the two men grabbed her wrists, using the fabric and leather restraints to bind her to the wire bed frame. Once her hands were secured they moved to her ankles, she kicked and thrashed, managing to land a solid hit on Thomas’ jaw before she was more securely restrained and fully tied down.

“Now, now, Cheryl we’re only trying to help.” Cheryl thrashed against her restraints in vain, the leather manacles rubbing into her skin and bruising the porcelain flesh. The hum of electricity filled the air as Sister Woodhouse fiddled with the device.

Cheryl suddenly knew what was about to happen.

The TV stand was wheeled to the foot of her bed where she had no choice but to look, Sister Woodhouse and the two nurses began fixing electrodes across the exposed flesh of her arms, legs and chest. Finally, Sister Woodhouse herself fixed one either side of Cheryl’s forehead, the redhead tossed and turned as the nun caressed her face gently. “Shhh, child, this will cure you of those wicked thoughts.”

“Please, please don’t do this…” Cheryl all but whispered, tears streaking down her cheeks.

“I must, dearie, it’s the only way to cure you.” Thomas left the room, followed swiftly by Sister Woodhouse who turned briefly to say: “Now be good for Jason won’t you?”

Cheryl looked over at the man who remained in the room. He was stocky but she could see the muscles under his shirt- his face wasn’t ugly, nor was it handsome and the mop of blonde hair that came to rest just below his eyebrows was filthy. The man may have shared her brother’s name but he was nothing like him, he smiled sickly down at her, revealing gnarled, crooked teeth. “I think you know how this is going to work.” He whispered, stepping back to fiddle with the dials on the device before turning the TV on, the screen flickered to life; it was yet another lesbian porno. “Don’t be afraid to scream, the others always do.” Cheryl looked down at the TV, helpless. The hum of electricity grew louder before her body convulsed as the first charge coursed through her being.

Cheryl screamed. And screamed. And screamed.

“That’s it, let it out, you deviant _whore._ ” Jason sneered before turning the dials again, causing Cheryl to scream in agony once more. Tears coursed down her cheeks and dripped onto her chest. Cheryl screwed up her eyes against the pain as another ear-splitting screech was ripped from her chest. She thought of her father.

_Ungrateful bitch._

She thought of her mother.

_Deviant monster._

Cheryl thought of the river.

_Let me die, please just let me die._

An hour later, when the movie had ended and Cheryl had screamed her throat to tatters, Jason leaned over her, kissed her forehead and untied her. Cheryl wanted to hit him, to spit in his face, to _fight_.

But she couldn’t.

She was broken.

\-------------------

“I believe I’ve deduced what’s caused this imbalance in you, Cheryl.” Sister Livingstone approached the door of her cell only just having closed behind her. Cheryl sat upright on the bed, limbs weak and stomach rolling from her earlier ‘therapy’ session. Cheryl was currently pretending to read the bible Sister Woodhouse had provided her two days ago- the book gave her something to focus on rather than the trembling of her hands.

“And what would that be Sister Livingstone?” Cheryl asked, tone cool and voice calm. If there was one thing the Blossom was good at it was keeping up appearances but her mind was screaming at her _please no more electroshock therapy, please, please, please._

“I’ve spoken to your mother about your brother Jason,” Cheryl tried not to flinch at the mention of her mother instead she fixed the Sister with an annoyed glare, throwing the bible down onto the bed in front of her. “and how close you were, so close in fact that your Nana would sometimes mix you up, isn’t that right?” So…no therapy? _This should be interesting._ Cheryl thought to herself. _Just what fucked up nonsense are they going to spout this time?_ “She would dress you in Jason’s clothes, and he in yours.” Her tone made it sound like she had had some sort of breakthrough, a _eureka_ moment of Cheryl’s deviance. Despite how fucking terrified she was, Cheryl was having none of the nun’s smugness.

“Nana’s always been half blind, Sister.” Cheryl resisted rolling her eyes. “ _Cataracts.”_ She allowed some of her recently unused venom to slip into her voice. “But if there’s anything that’s affected my psyche, it’s the firehose of abuse directed at me by my mother and father.” Unshed tears brimmed in her eyes but she was _not_ going to cry in the presence of yet another nun.

“You’ve suffered many traumas, it’s true.” Sister Livingstone began. _Understatement of the century._ “But that does _not_ excuse your willful behaviour.” Cheryl swallowed. Her mother had every nun and nurse in this place wrapped around her gloved finger- she wouldn’t be surprised if it was she who had ordered the electro-treatment. “Now, you will report to the undercroft _immediately_ where you will undergo physical therapy until you’re ready to listen.” Cheryl’s jaw tensed and her hands shook just a little more violently. _Physical therapy?_ Whatever it was it surely couldn’t be worse than what she had gone through already…surely not. _“Now.”_ Sister Livingstone’s tone was more than a little frightening so Cheryl did all that she could: _obey._

If only Toni could see her now.

Toni wouldn’t put up with this, wouldn’t give in the way Cheryl had. She had tried to be strong, tried to stand her ground but it was so _hard_. Her bones ached, her stomach was tearing itself apart and she was tired, so, so fucking _tired._ This place was slowly draining every ounce of rebellion within her. Every step Cheryl took towards the undercroft was a struggle, her body screaming at her to _rest_ but if she did that she would be hit or whipped or god-forbid put through another _torture_ session.

When she arrived, Sister Woodhouse was waiting for her, bible in hand and fake smile pulling at the wrinkles of her skin. “Cheryl, nice to see you looking so well.” Cheryl looked at her through lidded eyes, _you have got to be kidding me._ “Now, girlie, Sister Livingstone has sent you here because you need to learn, need to be taught the value of listening because without that you can’t get better- can’t be cured.” The tears were still welling in her eyes but goddamn it Cheryl was _not_ going to let them fall. “Now,” Sister Woodhouse stepped aside and gestured to a large pile of what looked to be sandbags, all of which were covered in dust and appeared heavy on sight. “I’m going to need you to move these to the North-East corner of the room over there.” She pointed around 15ft away from where she stood. “I will be back later to make sure you have completed this task to the best of your ability.” She nodded in Cheryl’s direction before making her way out of the room, leaving the redhead to the silence of the undercroft.

For a solid ten minutes Cheryl did nothing, she sat on the pile of sacks as comfortably as she could and just stared at the wall. There was a patch of paint on the exposed brickwork that was crumbling and peeling in a similar way to the paint on her ceiling. It mesmerised her for a while before a particularly loud scream brought her back to the present. Should she bother? Was there really any point in doing what they told her?

Cheryl was reminded of the electric humming and the excruciating agony.

She picked up a sandbag.

For a solid two hours, she dragged the sacks away from the palette and piled them in the North-East corner of the room, back and forth and back and forth. Not only was it exhausting it was monotonous. Pick up a sack, move the sack, put the sack down, return to the original palette-repeat. It was tedious, slowly but surely, however, Cheryl made headway, she was only a few away from finishing when Sister Woodhouse returned. “But foolish girl,” Cheryl looked up through the flyaway pieces of her hair “What have you done? You’ve stacked the bags in the North-East corner when I specifically told you the North-West.” Cheryl dropped the bag she was carrying, standing up straight to look Sister Woodhouse in the eye.

“What? No, no, no you said-”

“Start over.” The Sister interrupted, Cheryl couldn’t decide if she wanted to curl up into a ball and cry or punch Sister Woodhouse right in the jaw. “Next time, listen child-you’ll never get better if you don’t _listen_ to me.” Cheryl let out a sigh of defeat as Sister Woodhouse turned away once more, returning to the upper floors of the compound.

So, Cheryl dragged the sacks to the North-West corner, and then to the East and then the South and back to the North-East. She was there all day, given no food and no water and just left to haul the bags all around the room. Every few hours Sister Woodhouse would return with new instructions and every time she would leave Cheryl would execute them. Cheryl knew what they were doing, it was the same thing they had been doing since she’d gotten there- they were trying to break her down, brick by brick, layer by layer they were tearing Cheryl Blossom down until she was nothing but a pile of bones and dead hopes.

It was working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me, send me prompts, have convo with me over on tumblr @gayerbythesecond


	8. I've never known this kind of love, I can't help that I'm falling on for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with chapter 8! University is kicking my ass so I'm sorry the update took so long but school (unfortunately) takes priority haha. Anyway I hope you all enjoy the newest chapter and as always, kudos and comments are appreciated :)

Cheryl heaved yet another bag across the room, hair falling into her face and sweat dripping from her brow. This must have been the fifth time she had moved the bags from one of the corners to another, her back was on the verge of breaking and every one of her limbs felt like led weights were attached to her body. She dragged the sack to the Southern corner, took a breath and heaved the bag up and tossed it onto the top of the pile. Her muscles screamed in protest and she couldn’t stop herself from falling against the pile. Her breath came in ragged gasps, lungs heaving and stomach lurching. The faint sound of heels clicking against the concrete floor drew her attention but Cheryl didn’t move, just sucked in breath after breath while her very bones seemed to pulse with pain. “Movie night.” It was Sister Woodhouse, Cheryl sucked in a final breath, releasing it through her teeth- a few strands of hair that had come untucked from her ponytail blew upwards in the breeze. “Clean yourself up.” Cheryl turned to face the nun. She knew she looked a mess, her hair was unkempt and her face was no doubt covered in dust and dirt from the confined undercroft. She sighed, Sister Woodhouse was glaring at her as if it wasn’t her own fault that Cheryl looked the state that she was. She rolled her eyes, movie night was hardly the thing she needed after the exhausting day she had just gone through but at least it gave her a couple of hours to think, to rally herself.

She walked up to Sister Woodhouse, back straight and muscles protesting every step, but she kept her head high. _Maintain the image, Cheryl_. Her mother’s voice echoed through her mind and for the first time in her life, Cheryl was grateful. If living with Penelope Blossom had taught her anything it was to maintain your composure even in the most trying of times. Don’t let them see you squirm, don’t give them the satisfaction of watching you break…not again.

Sister Woodhouse followed Cheryl step for step back to her room, no doubt holding out for the moment that Cheryl would slip, let on to just how agonising each step forwards was. _Fuck. You_. Cheryl kept her head high the whole way back, even as the nun turned away to unlock her door, Cheryl kept her composure. “I’ll be back for you in 20 minutes- don’t make me wait.” Sister Woodhouse was clearly annoyed, her voice gruff and lips pulled into thin line. She gestured towards the bathroom next to Cheryl’s cell and seemingly out of nowhere, Thomas appeared. Cheryl knew the drill: get cleaned up, return to the room, escorted the two steps by Thomas and then get changed.

The redhead smirked, entering the bathroom with all the poise of a Blossom heiress. She heard the tell-tale click of wedge heels as Sister Woodhouse walked away before the door shut behind her and she finally allowed herself to slump her shoulders. Cheryl gripped the basin to hold her upright and stared at herself in the mirror.

God, I look awful.

Just as she suspected, her face was covered in dirt and her hair was an absolute state, strands flying everywhere. Cheryl stared into her eyes, had they always been that hollow?

Brown eyes that weren’t her own stared back at her and she couldn’t help but think of the first time she had spoken to Toni, _really_ spoken to her in the school bathroom. She had been so fucking scared of the feelings that Toni caused within her, so terrified to let herself feel again and even if it had ended up with her here in _conversion therapy_ of all fucking places…Cheryl wouldn’t change a thing. Not the day in the bathroom, not the night at _Pop’s_ , not sleepovers or lunch dates or any single second she had spent in the company of Toni Topaz.

Because any time she had with Toni was precious. Every fucking _second_ she had shared with that girl was more valuable to her than any other in her life- nothing could compare to the mere presence of Toni Topaz, not the vindication of verbally destroying someone, not a moment of superiority over her mother, _nothing._

And now all those moments were worth so much more because they were all she would ever get.

Cheryl had given up on the notion that someone was coming to save her, her mother would no doubt have fed lies to everyone in order to convince them that Cheryl was somewhere nice, that there was no need to going looking for her-she was _happy._ No, Cheryl was stuck here until they decided she was ‘cured’ or until she died, whichever came first.

She splashed cold water on her face, rubbing away the dust from her cheeks and forehead. She washed her hands, using the industry standard hand soap that rested on the side of the sink and stunk of fermenting flowers. A knock sounded on the door- Thomas signalling her allocated bathroom time was over, she opened the door and stepped out. He followed her the three steps it took her to get back to her room and watched her step inside before closing and locking her door in silence. Cheryl stared at the fresh pile of identical clothes on the chair and sighed. She got changed quickly and in silence, the cell and corridor unusually quiet, only her haggard breathing could be heard. Perhaps the others had already been escorted to the movie room?

Cheryl sat on the bed, shuffling her feet into her shoes- she bent over, back burning with the effort, and fiddled with the heel of her sandshoe until it fit snugly around her achilleas. Cheryl did the same for the other one before returning to a sitting position: this was her life now and for the foreseeable future. Therapy and prayer and movie nights and abuse and torture, all because she loved the wrong people. Tears began to flow from her eyes, shoulders shaking silently as she cried. No one deserved this, not even she, Cheryl Blossom, daughter of a murderer, heiress to a drug empire and queen _bitch_ of Riverdale deserved this hell.

Three knocks sounded out on the metal door of her cell. She sucked in a breath, dried her eyes and straightened her quivering shoulders. The door opened. “Come along.” Sister Woodhouse smiled “The others are waiting.” Cheryl nodded and followed the nun through the halls, the compound was quiet, quieter than usual and that unnerved the redhead. Eventually, they came to the door, marked with a large cross window and entered the movie room, the lights were already off but the projector had yet to be turned on. As soon as Cheryl sat down however that changed, Sister Woodhouse flicking a switch and the projector whirred into life. “We have some fantastic films for you tonight, I’ll be back soon to switch the reel over.” She smiled, the expression tugging on her wrinkles which, in the blue light of the projector, was a horrifying image.

The movie began to play and Cheryl watched on, this time it was cheerleaders in a school gym, flipping and waving pompoms, this film hit Cheryl far more than the others had because that was her. That was her life.

There was a blonde who topped the pyramid, a girl with jet black hair who sashayed at the front and a brunette who danced circles around the others. Those were her friends, that was _her_. The lines began to blur again and the unknown faces of the actors became her friends- there was Betty and Veronica giggling as they left the locker room, and there was Toni hanging back to talk to her. The Toni in the film bit her lips teasingly, drawing the unsuspecting Cheryl closer before the scene cut back to the Betty, Veronica and Josie forming the pyramid in the gym.

_I’m going insane._

Cheryl wasn’t sure when she had started crying but the cold breeze from a nearby window chilled the tears on her cheeks as they spilt from her eyes. A droplet dripped onto her chest, staining the blue dress navy. _Cheryl!_ The redhead kept her eyes locked on the screen not only was she seeing Toni now she was hearing her. The Toni in the movie smiled while the other cheerleaders danced. What wouldn’t Cheryl give to see the Serpent again? To see her smile, feel her hand in her own, hear her voice.

_Cheryl!_

Cheryl choked back a sob, tears streaming down her face, she could taste the salt of them as they passed her lips and caressed her jawline, trickling to her chin. _It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real._

She let out a ragged breath, shoulders shaking as tears flowed and flowed like a river and Cheryl was left thinking of Sweetwater, of the icy depths clawing at her skin, dragging her down, down until the light through the ice was just darkness and Cheryl was left alone with her darkness. With her disease. With her _deviance._

“Cheryl?” the door burst open, hinges almost snapping with the force of whoever opened it. Cheryl’s eyes snapped over to the entrance.

_No._

_It can’t be._

“Are you in here?” the girl flew into the room as if pushed by a great gust of wind, a hurricane of leather, mesh and pink curls, she covered her eyes against the blinding blue light of the projector. Cheryl stood up, entire body shaking.

 _“Toni?”_ Her voice came out a lot stronger than she had anticipated, her hands still shook and she clenched them into fists to try and steady herself. _This can’t be happening._

“We came to rescue you.” 5 words. 5 words and it felt like Cheryl’s was seeing light after being trapped in a dark tunnel. She hardly dared believe it. She didn’t dare to believe that someone had cared enough to come rescue her, that someone had cared enough to try and find her, that someone had cared to notice she was even _gone._

“You did?” Cheryl’s lips twitched, muscles trying to smile after so long having only frowned. Tears began to brim anew and she hurled herself forwards, almost tripping over her own feet in her haste to get to Toni. She was here, she had come to save her _, she was **here**_ **.** Cheryl passed the pews at a frantic pace, desperate to hold Toni and feel something that wasn’t pain. Toni smiled as she approached, _God_ Cheryl had missed that smile.

Suddenly Toni’s arms were around her and Cheryl wanted to cry all over again. Cheryl gripped onto Toni’s Serpent jacket as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded and in a moment Cheryl realised it was- Toni Topaz was her lifeline. Cheryl breathed in the scent of pine and leather as Toni held the back of her head, pulling her closer until they were one body, one entity, two hearts beating as one against the darkness. Cheryl never wanted to let go of Toni ever again, for as long as she lived she wanted to touch her hair, entwine their fingers and hold her close. The thought should have been terrifying but fuck it felt so _right._

Toni pulled back, eyes scanning every inch of Cheryl’s face, looking for cuts of bruises or what Cheryl wasn’t sure but suddenly their eyes were locked and all Cheryl could see was love.

Cheryl didn’t think she’d ever seen anything so pure in her entire life.

Toni cupped her cheeks, thumb caressing up over her jawline to wipe away a rogue tear. Cheryl was breathless, she was drowning and falling and being held up high all at once.

_So this is what love feels like._

Cheryl and Toni leaned forwards simultaneously, Cheryl’s breath hitched just a fraction and then everything was Toni. She breathed Toni, she felt Toni she _lived_ Toni. Their lips met and Cheryl’s eyes fluttered closed, they fit together perfectly; two broken halves that came together to make something beautiful. Cheryl gripped Toni’s bicep, fingers digging into leather as Toni reached up to tangle fingertips in copper tresses as she cupped her cheeks. They moved as one, silently communicating everything they had been feeling in the weeks leading up to this moment and god it was perfect.

Toni was perfect.

And it was all over too soon.

“Cheryl, Toni, there are a _bunch_ of nuns coming we have to go.” Toni pulled away, gently caressing her thumb against Cheryl’s jaw before letting go completely. She smiled and it was so pure and adoring Cheryl’s heart almost stopped. Cheryl glanced at Veronica, she had come to rescue her too? Another tear escaped her eye, _she did care._ They exited the movie room, Toni’s hand instantly finding Cheryl’s and entwining their fingers. Veronica led them down the hallway only for them to stop suddenly, Sister Woodhouse was approaching menacingly with a group of the other Sisters behind her. They all turned, racing down the corridor to be met with yet another group of nuns. Cheryl’s heart was pounding out of her chest _I can’t stay here they can’t make me they can’t._ Veronica was ahead of the game though and spun them around, leading them down a stairwell on the left-hand side of the hallway.

The stairs led to what seemed like a basement but kept going, twisting and turning like a tunnel. An alarm was blaring and red lights were flashing and Cheryl was so close to tipping over the edge but through it all, Toni kept tight a hold of her hand, grounding her. Cheryl could hear footsteps pounding behind her, signalling the Sisters closing in and a sob was ripped from her chest, she couldn’t go back. She _wouldn’t_. They didn’t stop running but Toni squeezed her hand tighter, the redhead glanced up. “Cheryl, I’m here, we’re gonna get you out, okay sweetheart? Just keep running okay? Keep running.” Cheryl nodded, picking up the pace until it was she who was dragging Toni through the tunnels.

Soon they made it to a junction and Cheryl almost screamed at the sight of the nun’s waiting for them, Toni dragged her around the corner, hot on Veronica’s heels. It occurred to Cheryl that she really shouldn’t be able to run this fast for this amount of time considering how beaten and exhausted she was from her week and a half in the compound. Clearly, adrenaline must have taken over because she was running faster than she ever had in her life. Flashlights loomed behind them as they raced around another corner, Toni almost lagging behind as Cheryl’s arm stretched out behind her. Veronica suddenly stopped and the redhead was about to question her when she noticed the ladder. Veronica scurried up it in record time, Toni motioned for Cheryl to go next, the redhead fuelled all of her strength into hauling herself up the slippery metal rungs. By the time she reached the top she was struggling to breathe, her entire body aching, Toni made it up not a second later and they were running again.

 _How long are these tunnels?_ Cheryl thought as she firmly reattached herself to Toni, hands gripped together tightly. _“Come on!”_ A voice called out from around 20ft away- it sounded curiously like Kevin. Veronica made it out of the tunnel first, followed quickly by Cheryl who was essentially dragging Toni at this point. Cheryl locked eyes with the man who had shouted, he looked terrified and relieved all at once. It _was_ Kevin.

Suddenly Cheryl’s hand was dropped from Toni’s grip, she whipped round to see the pink-haired girl jamming a crowbar into the lock on the tunnel door, she just managed to wedge it firmly when the door was pounded on from the other side. The others were already running away but Cheryl waited, arm outstretched, waiting for Toni.

She had lost her once, she wasn’t losing her again.

“Let’s go!” Veronica shouted, taking the lead as they hurried through the forests surrounding the Sisters of Quiet Mercy compound. Cheryl didn’t know where they were going, quite frankly she didn’t care either- so long as it was away from the nuns and their torture. They ran for about five minutes, the only sound between them the pounding of their feet against the woodland floor, leaves crunching as they went. Eventually, they made it to a truck that Cheryl recognised as Kevin’s, their pace slowed to a jog and finally a walk as Kevin pulled ahead to unlock the truck. He opened the back door, smiling warmly and gestured for Cheryl to step in, the act of kindness took her by surprise and tears welled in her eyes at the simple occurrence of human decency.

“Thank you.” She choked out, smiling in the young man’s direction before stepping into the truck, followed closely by Toni. The door hadn’t even been shut before Toni was pulling Cheryl to her again. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, gripping tighter and tighter until it was almost painful, Cheryl wound her arms around Toni’s waist, holding on for dear life. She didn’t know she was crying until she felt a dampness on the leather of Toni’s jacket beneath her. Soon she was physically shaking, wracked with heaving breaths and painful sobs; Toni just held on, stroking Cheryl’s hair and shushing her cries.

“It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay.” Cheryl fisted her hands in Toni’s Serpent jacket as best she could as Toni whispered in her ear. After around a minute Toni peaked her head up, looking towards the front of the truck. “Let’s get out of here, I want to get Cheryl home as quickly as possible.” Cheryl’s shaking only got worse.

_Home._

Her cries must have gotten more violent because Toni quickly returned her focus to the redhead, “Shh, shh no, Sweetie not Thistlehouse, no, no.” She fervently brushed strands of hair away from Cheryl’s face, pulling back so she could look her in the eye. “I am never letting you go back to that place okay? Penelope Blossom is never going anywhere near you ever again.” Cheryl nodded, looking into Toni’s beautiful brown eyes Cheryl saw only truth and soon her tears began to subside. “You can stay with me until we figure something out if that’s what you want?”

Cheryl almost snapped her neck she nodded so hard.

Toni’s face broke out into a grin and Cheryl didn’t think she’d ever seen or would ever see anything so beautiful. Toni, in the back of Kevin’s truck, smiling at her with tear-tracked cheeks lit by passing streetlights was almost ethereal- Toni Topaz was Cheryl Blossom’s guardian angel and fuck she loved her for it. Everything she felt for Toni was too much too fast; too much pain, too much happiness, too much _love_ and Cheryl knew that was what put her in this position time and time again. Feeling too much all at once after so long of feeling nothing but Goddamn it Cheryl was not going to let go of the one thing that made her happy in this life. So, she threw her inhibitions to the wind and kissed Toni again.

 _Fucking hell_ it felt good.

She pulled away a few moments later, a smile tugging at her chapped lips- Toni ghosted a thumb over them before kissing her once more, it was brief, far too brief but oh-so-perfect. Toni swallowed, looking Cheryl deep in the eyes as she pulled back once more, she licked her lips and let out a shuddering breath. “I promise you, I will never, _never_ let anyone take you away from me again. No one and I mean no one is gonna hurt you and if anyone tries I swear to every God there is I am gonna make them regret even the thought of it.” It was Toni who was crying now, a few rogue tears trickling down her cheek. Her breath caught and her voice shook “I thought I’d lost you.” Her lower lip trembled as she cupped the back of Cheryl’s head to pull her into another hug. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she repeated: “I thought I’d lost you.”

Cheryl buried her face in Toni’s neck, taking in her smell, trying to block out the anti-septic and damp stench of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy that seemed to have seeped into her skin and replaced it with pine and leather. Cheryl felt Toni press a kiss to the top of her head before she readjusted them so that Toni could hold Cheryl while she rested against her chest. It wasn’t perfect, the aching of Cheryl’s bones and the dark flashes in her mind made sure of that. And yes, she had just undergone conversion therapy, had been beaten daily, had been brainwashed by nuns in an _asylum_ and that was without a doubt going to leave an impression on Cheryl’s already shattered psyche but right now she didn’t care about that. Because right now, in the back of that truck she was just a girl, being held by the woman she loved.

And that was enough.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, comments and prompts are welcome on my tumblr @gayerbythesecond


	9. I can finally see you're as fucked up as me, so how do we win?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see folks! Thank you all for your kind words on the last chapter, especially those of you who put my mind at ease about university- exams are approaching and I'm stressed to hell but I managed to work out a new chapter for you all.
> 
> Thanks so much for being so patient, y'all are great and I hope you enjoy the latest chapter!   
> -MJ :)

They made it to the Southside trailer park late in the night, all parties weary but none more so than Cheryl; Toni actually had to lift her out of the truck in a surprising show of strength from the smaller girl. She let Cheryl lean against her as they stood by the doors of the parked truck, Kevin and Veronica hopped out and Cheryl almost started crying again at the sight of those who had rescued her. Toni was about to lead her inside the trailer when Cheryl stopped her, the Serpent looked up at her, concerned but Cheryl just smiled, turning to face Veronica and Kevin. The two instantly straightened, attentions rapt by the redhead. “Kevin, Veronica…I just want to say thank you for coming to my aid. After everything I’ve done to you, said about you, you still came to save me even when I really didn’t deserve it. I promise you I won’t forget this.” Cheryl’s voice cracked on the last syllable and Toni squeezed Cheryl’s bicep tighter from where her arm was wrapped around her shoulder.

“Cheryl,” Veronica started, stepping forward, a sad smile tugging at her lips. “You may have been a grade A bitch in the past but no one deserved to be in there, to go through what you must have-” Veronica stopped, swallowing “I can’t even begin to imagine…” Kevin stepped forward, grasping Veronica’s shoulder, smiling down at her before fixing Cheryl with another warm smile.

“I’ve met people from the Sisters before… I know what they do there and I couldn’t stand by and see that happen to one of my friends.” Cheryl almost sobbed. _Friends. They were friends._

“We would never have found you without Kevin.” Toni piped up from beside the redhead, pulling Cheryl tighter into her side.

“Thank you, really from the bottom of my heart…thank you.” Cheryl reached forwards, grabbing a hand from both Veronica and Kevin, squeezing gratefully, Veronica clasped her other hand around Cheryl’s.

“You don’t need to thank us, Cheryl, just rest up and get better okay?” The warmth in Kevin and Veronica’s eyes was almost too much, Cheryl honestly didn’t think she had ever seen them look at her so kindly. There was pity in their eyes, yes, but for once Cheryl didn’t mind- she was just grateful that they cared. She didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded, Kevin let go of her hand, smiling once more before turning back to his truck, moving round to the driver’s side. Veronica moved forwards, wrapped both Cheryl and Toni in a joint hug, kissing Cheryl’s temple as she whispered a goodbye.

The truck revved into life, headlights blinding as Kevin reversed out of Toni’s lot and drove away out of the trailer park. “Come on,” Toni said gently “Let’s get you inside okay?” It didn’t escape Cheryl how Toni made every statement a question, how she constantly asked for permission and looked at Cheryl every time, eyes searching for any hesitance before she did anything. Cheryl nodded gratefully and Toni guided her to the door.

It occurred to Cheryl that she hadn’t been to Toni’s trailer before, though this was hardly the circumstance in which she had imagined herself coming here for the first time. Toni opened the door a fraction, breathing out in what sounded like relief before she turned to Cheryl, a small blush covering her cheeks. “Uh, so it’s not much…hardly the luxury you’re used to.” Toni laughs nervously and Cheryl can’t help but find it adorable “But what’s mine is yours, even if there isn’t a lot of it.” Cheryl reaches up to hold the side of her face and Toni leans into the touch hungrily.

“I don’t care about luxury, whatever you’re willing to give me I’ll happily accept.” Cheryl knew she wasn’t just talking about the trailer, and by the look on Toni’s face, she knew it too. She leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to Cheryl’s lips before opening the trailer door fully, gesturing for Cheryl to step in first. As soon as she was through the door Cheryl looked around at the small trailer, Toni was right when she said her room at Thistlehouse had the potential to be larger than Toni’s home- it _was_ small. Cheryl glanced over the slightly dated décor, the old television set and the scratched leather couches.

“I’m sorry…that it’s so small and kinda shitty I-” Cheryl cut her off before Toni could continue

“It’s perfect.” She smiled over at the Serpent who stood awkwardly in the kitchen section of the trailer “Far homelier than Thistlehouse and decidedly lacking my psychotic mother. I couldn’t ask for a better place to stay.” Cheryl averted her eyes “And thank you, for letting me stay I mean, you didn’t have to.” When Cheryl looked back up Toni was standing directly in front of her.

“Of course I had to, Cheryl you’re-” Toni stopped herself and when she continued, she corrected her previous statement “You mean a lot to me.” Cheryl swallowed thickly, nodding briefly. Toni, thankfully, changed the subject. “By the looks of things my uncle isn’t home, which works in our favour if I’m honest.” She chuckled dryly “The bathroom is right at that end, you’re more than welcome to shower and wash up- I have some pyjamas you can borrow but they might be a bit small on you.”

“That sounds perfect, thank you again, T.T.” Cheryl smiled gratefully and she noticed Toni’s grin at the nickname before she turned away, busying herself in a chest of drawers.

Cheryl headed down to the bottom end of the trailer, passing two doors that she assumed were Toni and her Uncle’s rooms respectively. She stepped into the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar and shrugged herself out of the hideous outfit the nuns had her dressed in. Cheryl looked down at the stiff blue fabric and got the sudden urge to burn the clothing but pushed that down not a moment later. She turned on the shower, keeping the water at a lukewarm temperature. Not only did she not want to waste Toni’s hot water but she honestly wasn’t sure how well her battered body would handle a temperature any warmer. Once the shower door began to fog with a small amount of steam, Cheryl stepped in, letting the warm water wash over her pale skin. She turned her back to the showerhead, choosing to have the water hit her scalp and flow down her hair over her back; the water was cleansing in multiple senses of the word.

Cheryl gently washed herself, using Toni’s soap, to rid herself of the antiseptic smell of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy and the memories that, despite her best efforts, settled in the forefront of her mind. She didn’t stay in the shower for long, splashing her face with water and dragging her palms over her cheeks one last time, Cheryl turned the water off and grabbed a towel from the rail just beside the shower door. She dried herself off, gently dabbing at the areas she knew were bruised before stepping out of the shower and turning to face herself in the bathroom mirror.

Her face was gaunt, heavy bags under her eyes that darkened her pale flesh. As she looked over her body she noticed the bruises as well as some redder patches from the electrodes that had covered her body.

**_Deviant._ **

Cheryl gripped the countertop, steadying herself as the memory of electricity coursing through her, wracked her body. She let out a shuddering breath, knuckles turning white as she held on to the counter, the muscles of her forearms twitched and twinged at the memory of the shocks. Cheryl sucked in another breath, it rattled around her ribcage before she exhaled slowly. _Calm down, Cheryl, calm down._ She swallowed, breathing in and out repeatedly in an attempt to regulate her breath and erratic heart rate. She looked up, staring into her own eyes in the mirror once more before straightening, putting on a brave face and wrapped the towel around her body.

Cheryl opened the bathroom door, Toni was standing awkwardly in the trailer’s hallway by the door furthest from her. “Cheryl…” Toni breathed, her eyes flitted across her exposed legs before she cleared her throat and made eye contact. Cheryl smiled sheepishly, noting the way Toni refused to look anywhere but at her face. “I, uh, left those pyjamas out for you on my bed.” She jerked her thumb in the direction of the open doorway “I’ll let you get changed.” Toni backed away down the corridor and into the kitchen area once more while Cheryl made her way to Toni’s bedroom.

Glancing around Cheryl took note of three things.

  1. Toni’s room was almost immaculately clean.
  2. Toni had her Vixen’s uniform hung proudly on the outside of her closet along with her Serpent jacket.
  3. Toni’s laptop home screen was a picture Cheryl had forced her to take of the two of them.



A wry smile pulled at her lips as she saw the photo, a blush no doubt creeping over her cheeks in response. Cheryl glanced down at the bed and saw what Toni had picked out for her, a cherry red tank top and some black sweatpants detailed with white embroidery down the sides; she quickly dropped her towel and got changed, leaving the room within two minutes after towel drying her hair.

When she returned to the main living area of the trailer Toni was waiting for her, eyes downcast and hands wrung together nervously. “Hey.” Cheryl’s voice was little above a whisper, the left side of her mouth quirked up in the ghost of a smile and she looked at Toni wearily. Exhaustion began to seep into her bones, the adrenaline and joyous high of being rescued finally fading.

“Hey,” Toni replied, a crackle in her tone. “You’re bound to be exhausted.” Cheryl could only nod. “You take my bed, I’ll sleep here.” Toni gestured down towards the couch and Cheryl’s face must have fallen because Toni was up and by her side in an instant. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing…” Cheryl swallowed, fixing a fake smile to her face “I’m just exhausted. Thank you again for letting me stay.”

“Of course.” Toni didn’t seem convinced but thankfully didn’t push. Cheryl didn’t think she could explain her undeniable need to be close to the girl and certainly didn’t want to unwittingly push her away.

“Good night, T.T.” Cheryl turned as Toni replied.

“Night, Cheryl.” The redhead hurried to Toni’s room, shutting the door behind her and letting out a shuddering breath.

_She would have understood, she might have even wanted to be in the same bed._

_Then why did she say she’d stay on the couch?_

_Maybe she didn’t want to crowd you?_

_Or maybe she just doesn’t want you._

Cheryl shook her head, almost as if she was trying to clear the voices warring in her mind from it. Whatever it was going on between her and Toni she couldn’t rush it, couldn’t _ruin it._

_Like everything else._

She settled under the sheets of Toni’s bed, breathing in the smell of her that covered the pillow and shut her eyes, willing sleep to come.

 

* * *

 

_“Come on, girlie, it’s time for therapy.” Sister Woodhouse grinned down at Cheryl manically, teeth far sharper than should be humanly possible. Cheryl shook her head, back and forth back and forth and when she stopped and her hair no longer whipped around her skull, she was already tied down to the bed._

_“No, no!” she screamed, writhing against the barbed wire restraints. They sliced at her wrists but not deep enough to seriously harm. “No!” the electrodes were already scattered across her body, ten times the usual number. Thomas grabbed the sides of her head, snapping her neck forwards to face the large cinema screen that made up the back wall of her room._

_The screen lit up, Toni’s face flickered into view as Cheryl watched every interaction they had had together play on the screen. Their meeting at the Drag Race. Milkshakes at Pop’s. The Will reading. Motorcycle rides. The Sleepover._

_Every few seconds a horrific electric charge surged through her entire body, tensing her muscles and fixing her in place. She wanted to scream but the shocks clamped her mouth shut._

_Toni’s smile. Shock._

_Toni’s laugh. Shock._

_Toni’s touch. Shock._

_Cheryl screamed and screamed until there was no breath in her lungs and her throat felt like she had swallowed glass._

_Another shock. Another scream._

_Thomas’ hands grabbed at her, holding her down even with her restraints, he shook her as more electricity coursed through her body. Why wouldn’t he stop shaking her? Why was he-_

Cheryl’s eyes snapped open to find it wasn’t Thomas shaking her but Toni, eyes wild and expression worried. “Cheryl, Cheryl please wake up.” Toni practically sobbed, Cheryl looked up at her, meeting her terrified gaze. “Cheryl, oh god, Cheryl, it’s okay you’re not there, you’re not there-” Toni’s voice cracked over a sob just as Cheryl reached up to grasp at Toni’s forearms and pull her into a sitting position.

“Toni?” She questioned, voice hoarse and throat sore…had she been screaming out loud?

“Cheryl…” Toni breathed, looking at her like she might break. “Oh God, you scared me so bad.” Wetness pooled in the redhead’s eyes. _I scared her._ She gulped down the lump forming in her throat, shaking her head violently.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Guilt clawed up her throat, reaching into her body until she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” She repeated over and over as she listened to Toni cry.

“Cheryl, god no, please don’t apologise- you have nothing to be sorry for.” Toni moved her hands from Cheryl’s shoulders. The girl instantly missed the contact but it was soon replaced, this time on either side of her face as Toni tried to get her to look at her. “It’s me who should be apologising.” That stopped Cheryl’s erratic head movements, she stilled and looked at Toni’s tear-stained face.

“Why?” She croaked

“Why?” Toni echoed, shaking her head in disbelief “Because I couldn’t stop her, I couldn’t save you. She took you right from under my nose and I couldn’t do anything to stop it happening.” Toni was practically weeping at this point. “I couldn’t get to you, I didn’t know where you were or how to help I-” She broke off as a heaving sigh escaped her lips “You were in there for over a _week_ and I didn’t save you.” Cheryl’s tears still flowed as she reached up to mirror Toni’s stature, cupping the Serpent’s cheeks before pulling her into a crushing hug. Both girls fell silent, the only sound their cries and sniffles as they just held each other.

Both girls took comfort in just having someone to latch onto, to ground themselves with but eventually they pulled away and Cheryl looked into Toni’s eyes and she saw her for the first time. “I’m sorry,” Toni whispered breath ghosting across Cheryl’s lips.

“You don’t need to be,” Cheryl replied simply. “I’m sorry too, for scaring you…I-they _did_ things to me, Toni.” Cheryl spoke over a shaky breath “They…they tried to convince me that what I felt for- for you was sick. They made _me_ sick to prove it.” Cheryl’s lip trembled and realisation dawned in Toni’s eyes.

“You- in your sleep you said something about…shocks?” Toni hesitantly asked Cheryl, nodded.

“They, uh, they had some electric device that they rigged me up to.” She swallowed before continuing “They made me watch…people like us.” Cheryl couldn’t explain further but from the look on Toni’s face, she guessed she didn’t need to “And shocked me, with the electrical charge to…I dunno associate what I feel for you with- with pain.” Another tear slid from her eye at the memories.

“Cheryl, I-” Toni wiped away the tear that escaped as she sighed, it was the most broken sigh Cheryl had ever heard. “If seeing…me, or being around me makes you-reminds you of…everything.” It took a moment but Cheryl clicked onto Toni’s meaning when the Serpent began to shuffle away from her on the bed.

“No, no, Toni I-you-” she reached out to entwine her fingers with Toni’s “Please, you…what I feel for you, the knowledge that what I felt for you was the first real thing I’ve felt in years is what kept me sane in there.” Cheryl stroked a thumb across Toni’s knuckles “You are what kept me from going over the edge.” She met her eyes, words failing to explain just how much Toni meant to her “Please, stay.” She gestured to the bed with her free hand.

“Are you sure?” Toni asked, still hesitant.

“More than anything.” The Serpent nodded, smiling sadly in Cheryl’s direction before they both shuffled under the covers, moving to positions strikingly similar to how they lay at the Vixen’s sleepover. They lay in silence for a moment before Toni spoke up.

“Cheryl…” The redhead turned to face her, Toni did the same and the similarities to the sleepover were striking “I understand if you need space, after everything you’ve been through and of course I’m more than willing to give you that if it’s what you want but…” Toni was looking at Cheryl as if she was the only person in the world and it practically took the redheads breath away. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” Toni’s voice shook “When you didn’t reply to my messages and then didn’t turn up for school… I-I was so scared that I’d lost you forever, it felt like someone cut a hole in me.” Toni wasn’t quite crying but Cheryl could see the wetness pooling in her eyes and making them shine. She reached out, laying her hand on Toni’s neck just below her jawline. “I just needed you to know…know how much you mean to me.” Cheryl didn’t know what to say for a moment, Toni’s confession laying heavy on her chest while simultaneously making her feel as if she could fly.

“Since, since Heather…” Cheryl began, taking a moment to collect herself and her thoughts. “I felt like I was just a husk you know? Skin and bones but no heart or soul or anything that makes someone…human. You changed all that, Toni- you showed me what it was like to feel again, to…to love again.” She swallowed “Please never leave me.” Toni thrust herself forward, capturing Cheryl’s lips with her own, Cheryl could taste the salt of Toni’s tears as they moved as one so gently. Toni pulled back with a sad smile, brushing copper locks out of Cheryl’s eyes to look at her intently.

“Never.” She shook her head “I’ll stay by your side for eternity if you’ll have me.” Cheryl nodded, not trusting her voice and burrowed herself in Toni’s neck. The smaller girl wrapped her arms around Cheryl, pulling her ever closer until Cheryl could hear Toni’s heartbeat, pounding erratically before it calmed.

Cheryl fell asleep to the dull thud of Toni’s heart not too long later and the knowledge that they were both broken people. Broken by family and happenstance or maybe it was fate but either way, life had brought them together and maybe, just maybe they could pick up the pieces of each other and make themselves whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always if you guys wanna chat, scream, send me prompts, my tumblr is @gayerbythesecond


	10. Keep me from the cages under the control, running in the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! Had some spare time these past few days (mostly due to procrastination) and I figured an update was in order ;) Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

Cheryl awoke to find herself in a bed that wasn’t her own with gentle arms holding her close.

It was unfamiliar and all too addictive, Cheryl snuggled down into the touch and was met with a small, breathy sigh of contentment from Toni. A smile tugged at the redhead’s lips- despite everything that had occurred in the last 24 hours, Cheryl found herself feeling happy, _optimistic_ even about the future. Cheryl felt Toni tighten her grip around her waist, pulling her in closer and her optimism grew; Cheryl was finally out of Thistlehouse and her mother’s clutches, she had been rescued from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy and above all she had Toni. In what way she wasn’t sure; they were friends, yes, but they were on the brink of being so much more. Both Toni and Cheryl’s confessions had confirmed that but Cheryl had never been in this position before, not since Heather and that had all happened by chance and even then, Heather had been the one to take charge. This time…this time things were different, Cheryl was older, wiser and a whole lot more fucked up.

Maybe she was too much for Toni.

That was always the problem; Cheryl was too messed up, too bitchy, too weak, too confident, just, too much.

“Hey,” The quiet greeting brought Cheryl out of her racing thoughts, Toni pressed her face into Cheryl’s back for a moment before Cheryl turned in her arms. Toni shuffled upwards so their faces were a fraction apart and smiled sleepily at the redhead. “you feel tense.” Toni moved the arm that was slung over Cheryl’s waist to rub up and down her bicep gently.

“I just…” Cheryl trailed off, Toni was staring into her eyes intently, seemingly trying to fathom out Cheryl’s expression. The redhead brought a hand up to tuck a flyaway strand of hair behind Toni’s ear. “I might be making a fool of myself here but, I just need confirmation…what are we?” Cheryl’s voice trailed off until it was barely above a whisper. Toni opened her mouth, a smirk playing at her lips and for a moment Cheryl thought she was going to make a joke in typical Toni fashion but the pink-haired girl’s face changed. She turned serious, licking her lips before speaking.

“We can be whatever you want us to be. You know how I feel about you and if I’m lucky enough that you feel the same…” Toni trailed off momentarily but that was all that Cheryl needed.

“Be my girlfriend?” She asked all in one breath, a grin broke out across Toni’s face and her eyes sparkled.

“Only if you’ll be mine.” Cheryl returned the grin, eyes crinkling in one of the most genuine shows of happiness she was fairly certain she had ever experienced. She leaned into Toni’s awaiting embrace and kissed her like it was the last thing she would ever do, it didn’t last long though as both girls were smiling too much to really continue. They pulled away, Toni resting her forehead against Cheryl’s and nudged their noses together.

_I have a girlfriend._

Cheryl smiled wider at the thought, Toni’s expression grew serious once more and the smile dropped from Cheryl’s features. “I get it if you don’t want anyone to know by the way.” Toni began, looking away to find Cheryl’s hand and intertwine their fingers, she pulled their joined hands up and pressed a quick kiss to one of Cheryl’s knuckles. “Just say the word and I’ll keep quiet.”

Cheryl once again found herself grateful for Toni’s selflessness and leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose. “Fuck staying quiet, I want every sad sucker at Riverdale High to know you’re mine.” The smile returned to Toni’s face as she chuckled “I’ve spent my entire life hiding who I love, I’m not doing it for another minute.”

“Well, in that case…” a devious smirk replaced Toni’s smile and she untangled their fingers and shoot up from her laid down position, she leapt off the bed, throwing her hands in their before shouting “I’m dating Cheryl Blossom!”

Cheryl rolled her eyes but grinned all the same. “You’re an idiot, an adorable one, but an idiot all the same.”

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot,” Toni smirked, expression quickly turning into a smile.

_“You are…”_ Cheryl whispered, almost as if she couldn’t believe it herself, which to be quite honest, she couldn’t. Toni smiled at her once more before turning away from the bed and moving towards the door “Where are you going?” Cheryl pouted

“The bathroom…” Toni trailed off, a slight laugh in her voice “I need to get ready for school, you don’t mind hanging around the trailer today, do you? I can’t afford to let my attendance drop.” Toni shrugged sadly, clearly torn over leaving Cheryl behind.

“Who said I was staying here?” She laughed, scooting over to the mattress’ edge, Toni’s brows furrowed. “I’m coming to school.”

“Are you sure, Cheryl? After everything you’ve been through do you want to go back so soon?”

“I need to show everyone that Cheryl Blossom is back and bad as ever, besides-they’re auditioning for the school musical, and you better believe I’m gonna be the lead.” Cheryl swung her legs over the edge of the bed, Toni kneeled down in between them, resting her hands on top of Cheryl’s knees as she looked into her eyes intently.

“Cher, no one is gonna judge you if you need some time…” Cheryl shook her head

“Honestly, Toni, I’d rather be at school like the last two weeks never happened. I need to get a sense of normalcy back you know? Have a routine again.” Cheryl placed a hand on top of Toni’s, the other coming to rest on the smaller girl’s shoulder. Toni nodded in understanding.

“I get that,” She stood up, looking down at Cheryl sternly “But take it easy okay? They-” she broke off and swallowed thickly before continuing “after everything they did, your body is gonna need time to recover.” Cheryl nodded in response “Promise?”

“Promise.” Toni smiled at her once more.

“Pick whatever you want out of my wardrobe, you can borrow my clothes until we can get you some new ones.” Toni threw over her shoulder as she opened the door and headed to the bathroom.

Cheryl had to admit, she liked the thought of wearing Toni’s clothes.

 

* * *

 

“Now, Cheryl, are you sure you want to do this?” Toni asked tentatively after they had dismounted from her bike in the school parking lot. Cheryl turned to face her girlfriend properly. _My girlfriend._ Cheryl tried not to smile at the thought.

“I’m sure, Cha-Cha.” She reached out to intertwine their fingers, gently swinging their joined hands back and forth once she had done so. “I just want to get back to normal, act like nothing happened.” Toni sighed

“Okay, but if you need to go, just text me okay? And I’ll come get you and drive you home.”

_Home._

It was funny, now that Cheryl thought about it because she had never really known a home before. Thornhill was a prison and though she had happy times with JJ there, the house was just a reminder of everything she’d lost- that’s why she’d burned it down. Thistlehouse was only temporary, a house of secrets and peril and nowhere close to being a home.

But Toni? Toni had been Cheryl’s home for a while now. The redhead didn’t know that home could be a person but there was no feeling that made her feel safer than Toni’s arms wrapped around her and holding her close.

Cheryl leaned in to press a kiss to the beauty spot on the side of Toni’s lip, smiling as she pulled back. “If I need to I will, but I won’t.” Toni chuckled at Cheryl’s stubbornness.

“Alright, Bombshell, whatever you say.” They began the walk through the parking lot, hands remaining locked at each other’s sides. Cheryl held her head high as they passed by groups of students who all stared at she and Toni intently. A few people whispered, a couple even went so far as to point but Cheryl kept walking, never faltering all the way to the main doors of the school. It was freeing, for Cheryl, to walk into Riverdale High for the first time ever and not give one single fuck what anyone thought about her. She strutted through the halls, smile playing at her cherry lips and joined hand with Toni swinging between them. Inside the school they got even more stares which Cheryl noticed Toni slightly shying away from, her shoulders clearly tense and posture nervous, Cheryl leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“They’re just staring ‘cause of how hot we look together.” Toni barked a laugh, drawing a few more gazes as she continued to chuckle.

“Of course, if I was them I’d be staring too.” Cheryl grinned, glad to have been able to lift the mood. Soon they made it to the common room and flopped onto one of the couches, turning to face each other as soon as they sat down. Their hands had disconnected as they made themselves comfortable in the seat but Toni soon rectified that, reaching out to play with Cheryl’s fingers gently. The sensation was beyond comforting to the redhead and she lolled her head to one side, smiling contently as Toni gazed at her with adoration in her eyes. “So…” Toni dragged out the word “Now that you’re free, what’s your first move gonna be?” Cheryl smiled as Toni rested her head against her upturned palm and thought over the smaller girl’s words.

“Well, Toni.” Cheryl glanced down at where Toni’s fingers danced across Cheryl’s palm, the young Blossom tangled their fingers before Toni undid them again so she could stroke across Cheryl’s knuckles, absentmindedly doing so as Cheryl continued to speak “If revenge is a dish best served cold, my mother and Uncle Claudius better brace themselves for a polar vortex.” Toni smirked, shaking her head in mock dismay, Cheryl glanced over at Kevin who was currently wrestling with the faulty vending machine. “But…there’s something more pressing than that.” Cheryl moved away from Toni’s playful grip on her hand to squeeze her forearm as she rose from the couch. She looked down into her brown eyes, a silent promise that she would be right back. She sauntered over to the Sheriff’s son, the man who the night before had driven out of his way to come and help Toni and Veronica save her from the Sisters.

_Deviant._

Cheryl stopped momentarily, trying push down the memories of sickness and nausea that the very thought of the asylum sparked in her. She practically fell onto the vending machine, when her intention had merely been to rest on it. “Kevin!” Cheryl exclaimed, voice rising higher than she wanted it to. _Breathe, Cheryl, breathe._ The young man rose from his kneeling position, Cheryl didn’t give him time to ask how she was doing, if she did that she might break. “I hear I’m back just in time for Carrie the Musical, which you’re directing.” She smiled wide, hopefully, he wouldn’t catch on to how it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You are.” He smiled uncomfortably, He looked almost concerned, but didn’t comment, thankfully. “I’m having auditions this afternoon.”

_Auditions._ Of course, there would be auditions, why hadn’t Cheryl thought of that? She couldn’t do that, couldn’t stand on stage to be scrutinised so soon after…

“Well, as far as the lead role’s concerned,” She heard herself saying the words before her brain caught up “Cancel them.” Kevin looked shocked, Cheryl felt it, this was a ridiculous plan, but it was too late to stop now. “I’m obviously Riverdale High’s Carrie White.” She gestured to herself, _play it off, play it off._ Cheryl turned away from Kevin dramatically, _give him a show, prove to him you’re still you._ “And this school’s gonna burn.” She paused a moment, letting it sink in before whirling back around, smiling sweetly.

_Please, God, do not let him see through this, please, please plea-_

“Alright then, Cheryl, congratulations-you got the role.” Kevin smiled and there was something in his eyes that Cheryl saw as understanding. Maybe he knew just how much she needed this, how much she needed to feel like everything was fine like it was _normal._

“I look forward to seeing you in rehearsal, Kevin.” Cheryl smiled again, raising her shoulders sweetly. She paused for a moment, debating over whether or not to say something about the previous night- he, however, beat her to it.

“It’s good to see you back at school, Cheryl…we missed you.” Cheryl swallowed the tears that began to form at those three little words.

“I missed being here.” They shared a look, it’s true what they say about eyes- they really do give everything away. And right then, Kevin’s were speaking volumes, his eyes said: _I know what you went through, I know you’re struggling but above all, I know you’re going to be okay._ They told her _I’m here for you, we all are, just ask and we’ll be there._

Cheryl hoped her eyes told Kevin how grateful she was, even when her words couldn’t. Kevin stepped forwards, grasping Cheryl’s shoulder to squeeze it gently before cutting his losses with the vending machine and making his way over to Betty who had just entered the room with Jughead on her arm. Cheryl breathed a sigh of relief and returned to Toni’s side, almost throwing herself onto the sofa. Toni smiled over at her, expression a mix of pride and concern-it was an interesting look. “Don’t look at me like that.” Cheryl pouted

“I’m not looking at you like anything!” Toni threw her hands up, laughing. Cheryl gave her a withering look before readjusting herself, lying down on the sofa with her head in Toni’s lap. The Serpent stiffened momentarily, before relaxing into the touch, stroking Cheryl’s hair and scratching at her temple intermittingly. The gesture was intimate and confusing and comforting and _holy shit_ Toni’s hands were being so gentle with her. She let her eyes flutter closed, breathing in deeply through her nose and letting the feeling of comfort and contentment wash over her. Cheryl was on the brink of falling asleep to the feeling of Toni’s hands in her hair when a voice roused her.

“Well look at you two.” Cheryl opened her eyes to see olive-skinned calves in front of her, she raised her eyeline to see a black plaid skirt and purple jumper. _Veronica._ Her voice was slightly teasing, but no malice was evident.

“Veronica, hey.” Toni greeted, Cheryl knew it was polite to move, to sit up and look at Veronica properly but she found herself far too at ease in Toni’s lap. She turned her head so she could look at the girl but made no effort to rise.

“You two are looking very couple-y.” Veronica wiggled her eyebrows and Cheryl rolled her eyes.

“That’s because Toni is my girlfriend.” Cheryl felt Toni look down at her and watched as Veronica’s smirk turned to a grin. The redhead glanced up to see Toni’s reaction, suddenly hyper-aware that although Toni had been more than happy to go public, she may have changed her mind. Cheryl tensed, she’d probably fucked everything up and they had been a couple less than 24 hours. Cheryl looked up, terrified to see the expression awaiting her on Toni’s face but the Serpent was grinning wide, eyes sparkling.

“Guilty.” Toni laughed “Cheryl asked me this morning.”

“I’m so happy for you two!” Veronica clapped her hands together, Cheryl blushed- oh how the times had changed. At the start of the year, she would have given anything to have Veronica smile at Cheryl like she was now, yet all she could find herself caring about was the way that Toni’s fingertips were caressing the shell of her ear.

“Thanks, Ronnie.” Cheryl smiled up at her, “For everything.” Veronica’s smile continued but she nodded solemnly, finding the meaning behind Cheryl’s words easily.

“You are more than welcome, Cheryl.” Veronica wrung her hands together briefly “I’m gonna have to go but I want to say again how happy I am for you two and I wish you both the best.” Cheryl nodded at her, left side of her mouth twitching in a smile as Veronica gave them a small wave and walked away. Cheryl felt Toni leaning over and she soon felt the ticklish caress of Toni’s hair brushing her neck and shoulder as Toni whispered in her ear.

“I’m proud of you, baby.”

Cheryl’s heart had never felt so full.

 

* * *

 

The next few days passed in a blur, a haze of happiness, contentment and the knowledge that Cheryl is _safe_. Of course, she still has moments of darkness, there are a few triggers that send her spiralling; like the crackle of electricity in physics when the fuse box blows that sends Cheryl into a panic attack or the loud slam of someone dropping their lunch tray that leaves Cheryl crying and hyperventilating. There’s one constant though, and that’s Toni. The Serpent barely leaves her side, Cheryl knows it’s because she worries, Cheryl claims Toni doesn’t need to always be around her.

Cheryl is so glad that Toni doesn’t listen.

No matter if its Cheryl having a full-blown panic attack or if it’s simply her gazing off into space and losing herself in her own mind Toni is there. A gentle hand on her bicep or a body to cling to until the anxiety subsides, Toni is Cheryl’s anchor, tethering her and stopping her from drifting into the darkness.

Cheryl has never felt so safe. She honestly never thought she could trust a person as much as she trusts Toni. She would willingly put her life in her hands and not feel in danger, she doesn’t think she could ever feel anything other than safe around Toni, the smaller girl oozes protection and shelter.

Just a simple touch of her hand and Cheryl instantly calms, she rationalises that this is why she rarely lets her hand drop from Toni’s. She knows deep down that the real reason is that she craves her touch. Cheryl has never been able to be so open with someone, so unashamedly affectionate towards another person and it’s so freeing to be able to love openly.

Cheryl can scarcely believe it when Toni announces she auditioned for the musical. It doesn’t feel real until Cheryl and the other players convene for the first rehearsal and there Toni sits, smiling over at her with unbridled excitement. Sometimes Cheryl forgets that Toni is part of a gang, that she willingly helped _carve the tattoo from someone’s body_ and it stops her for a moment, how this beautiful, adorable, kind-hearted girl can also be a criminal. It occurs to Cheryl that she never asked Toni just _why_ she joined the Serpents; she made a mental note to rectify that fact just as Kevin finally spoke.

“Welcome to _Carrie: The Musical._ ” There’s a palpable buzz in the air as the gathered students glance around at one another while waiting for Fangs to drag his chair fully into the circle. “So, introductions?” Kevin suggests, despite almost everyone in the circle having known each other since Kindergarten. Archie begins and the introductions follow around the circle counter-clockwise.

Cheryl’s attention is rapt by Toni however as she watches her girlfriend look intently at each person as they speak, her furrowed brow and scrunched up nose a little too adorable for Cheryl to handle. She watches as Fangs punches Toni in the arm good-naturedly, she slaps his knee in retaliation, frowning at him for distracting her. Veronica finishes her introduction and the spotlight turns to Cheryl; she stands up quickly before she knows what she’s doing. _Show them you’re okay, show them you’re still the you you’ve always been._

“I’m Cheryl Blossom,” She fixes a wide smile and her fingers twitch at her hip, looking for the hand that usually accompanies her own. “playing the iconic role of Carrie White.” She smiled around at the group who look at her in silence, she sits down, content with her performance before a cough sounds to her right, an attempted cover for the hushed _“Tone deaf.”_ that follows. Cheryl feels her smile drop and an uncomfortable itching begins to creep across her skin.

_Foolish girlie, they see your sin and hate you for it._

Cheryl swallows thickly, closing her eyes for a moment and clenching her fist in an attempt of blocking out the sickening voice of Sister Woodhouse that batters around her skull. _You’re not there, you’re safe._ Cheryl tries to rationalise with herself, her eyes open and she watches Ethel stare at her expectantly. _Did she ask me something?_

“I am.” A voice from the right of the stage interrupts their staring match, all eyes turn to see Alice Cooper sauntering onto the stage, thankfully drawing attention away from Cheryl. The redhead glances over at Toni, the girl is surprisingly not looking at the arrival of Betty’s mother but instead is staring at her worriedly. While the others are talking to Alice, Toni mouths a brief _you okay?_ In Cheryl’s direction, a smile tugs at her lips and Cheryl nods in response. Cheryl redirects her attention to Kevin as Alice all but throws her purse into Ethel’s lap.

“To me, there’s nothing more amateur than age-inappropriate casting.”

“I’m really looking forward to getting to know who this woman is, you know? Get under her skin and of course, spend some quality time with my daughter Elizabeth.” Alice gestures to Betty and Toni gives Cheryl a look resembling the feeling of _what the fuck?_ The redhead smirks but that expression quickly changes to disgust as none other than Chuck Clayton shuffles onto stage behind Kevin.

“All are welcome here.” Kevin meets their gazes one by one, eyes pleading.

_What are you playing at, Keller?_ Cheryl thinks as the rehearsal moves on, Kevin informing them of the technicalities regarding the play- when rehearsals will be, where to go for costume fittings, when the performances will be, the usual. Cheryl listens attentively, glad to have something to focus her attention on rather than the crawling that is still itching under her skin. The musical is exactly what she needs to move on from what happened in the Sisters of Quiet Mercy- something to throw her heart into, other than Toni of course.

The mere thought of having someone to give her heart to that actually wants it makes her smile.

“I believe we’re due for a snack break, Jughead would you mind conducting some cast interviews while we have a break?” Kevin turns his attention to the Serpent milling around behind Betty

“Of course.” He straightens his leather jacket before calling Chuck Clayton away to interview him first. The rest of the cast begins to move, grabbing drinks and a few of the snacks from the table at the edge of the stage. Cheryl, however, immediately gravitates towards Toni, who is already making her way towards her. The redhead smiles as Toni wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her into her side affectionately.

“Hey, Red, you doing okay?” Cheryl nods, smiling down at her girlfriend.

“Better now that you’re here.” Toni blushes and tries to hide it with a roll of her eyes.

“Ugh, cheesy much?” Cheryl winds her arm around Toni’s shoulder, only having to lean into it a little to accommodate for Toni’s smaller stature.

“You love it.” Cheryl winks and watches Toni’s throat bob as she swallows.

“I really do.”

The moment is broken a second later by Jughead calling out for Betty to come for her interview. Toni rolls her eyes, glancing down at the floor for a second before meeting Cheryl’s gaze once more. “Did you…did you hear what someone muttered after your introduction?” Cheryl’s smile faltered a fraction.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I’m used to people talking behind my back- with my past record who wouldn’t?” Cheryl tried to play it off and if Toni saw through her lie she didn’t push.

“Well, if I find out who it was they’re gonna regret it.” She winked “You could always say something? Call them out, spill the tea.” Cheryl barked a laugh as Toni hip bumped her in tandem with her words.

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“You better believe it, babe.” Toni chuckled “I _live_ for the drama.”

“Ah, so that’s why you like me so much.” Cheryl nodded melodramatically.

“Nope.” Toni rested her head on Cheryl’s shoulder. “I like you cause you’re you.” Cheryl tugged her bottom lip between her teeth in embarrassment.

“Now how’s being cheesy?” Toni laughed just as Kevin called the cast back for their first readthrough. They all took their seats, Toni detaching herself from Cheryl’s hip reluctantly.

“Okay, everyone good? Great, so, Act 1 Scene 1.” Pages flip open and Cheryl suddenly felt emboldened by Toni’s words- she was _Cheryl fucking Blossom_ , it would not stand that people thought she wasn’t cut out for this role; not when this was her chance to prove to people she was okay.

 “Actually,” Cheryl stood up confidently, channelling all her strength into maintaining a cool and unaffected posture. “before we begin…I’ve heard whispering that some of you, ensemble vultures, don’t think I’m fit to play, or sing the role of Carrie White,” Cheryl swore she heard Josie agree with her but chose to ignore it _. Focus, Cheryl, focus._ “So, to settle this matter once and for all…Maestro!” she looked at Kevin, he began to protest but she was already taking in a breath and before she could convince herself this was a bad idea she began to sing. She gave a brief but convincing performance, determined to show off her vocal range, and holding the end note perfectly.

As she faded off she could hear applause and turned to find Toni smiling at her adoringly, standing up and clapping. Toni turned, Cheryl assumed she glared at the others because soon they began to applaud as well, some more enthusiastically than others. “Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that was undeniable, Cheryl.” Kevin congratulated and Cheryl grinned, mostly at Toni, before making the journey to return to her seat.

She didn’t hear the rope running through the wheelies, she didn’t see the sandbag before it crashed into the ground, she didn’t anticipate the panic that would seize in her chest.

All she could do was scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some lovely tumblr messages from you guys after the last couple of chapters (thank you all) so once again if you want to scream, rant, chat or send me prompts my tumblr is @gayerbythesecond


	11. I hear you like a whisper in the corner of my lovesick thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Long time no see and for that I am so so sorry, it started out as purely just not having the time to write with exams and moving home from uni but then it turned into writer's block and I got stuck in a rut where I would open the document, write two/three words and then close it again. BUT better late than ever and I've been working all day to get this to you before the night is over so, here is the long awaited chapter 11, I hope you all enjoy it and don't hate me too much for taking this long with updating

One minute she’s applauding Cheryl for her, quite frankly, stellar performance of ‘Carrie’ and grinning like the proud girlfriend she is and the next she’s rushing forwards as Cheryl screams.

She didn’t see the sandbag fall until it was crashing into the ground millimetres from Cheryl’s feet- no one did. A unanimous gasp echoes around the stage as Cheryl drops to the floor, her scream turning into a wail just as Toni reaches her. She falls to her knees, no doubt bruising them with the force with which she hits the ground ahead of Cheryl. Toni reaches out, grabbing Cheryl’s shoulders gently but firmly enough that she knows she’s there. “Cheryl, Cheryl, baby it’s me,” Toni called out, trying in vain to get Cheryl’s attention. Toni hears Kevin gather their friends, dismissing them and the rest of the cast as Toni shuffles closer to the redhead. She glances up briefly when Kevin makes to move towards them, Toni shakes her head, releasing Cheryl for a moment to gesture for him to go.

As soon as the auditorium empties Toni focuses fully on Cheryl. The girl in front of her is hunched over, head in her hands and shoulders heaving as she sobs and struggles to breathe. “Cheryl, baby, please look at me.” Toni pleads, moving her left hand from Cheryl’s shoulder to instead gently wrap around her wrist. “You’re not there, you’re safe.” Tears are beginning to well in Toni’s eyes as she watches Cheryl’s body positively _convulse_ as she panics. “Please look at me, Cheryl.” She brushes a few strands of red hair away from her eyes. Cheryl’s head moves slightly and Toni practically holds her breath as she watches Cheryl look up at her, eyelids puffy, cheeks tear-stained and her eyes _haunting._ Toni releases a shuddering breath. “You’re okay, you’re okay just breathe with me, can you do that?” Cheryl’s breath is coming in haggard gasps as the tears continue to pour over her cheeks but she gives a feeble nod. Toni mirrors the gesture, pulling Cheryl’s hands down to hold them in her lap. “Okay, breathe in with me.” She sucks in a breath and watches as Cheryl tries to do the same “And breathe out, baby.” She exhales and Cheryl repeats it, the breath wavering. They do this for a good two minutes, just breathing in and out to try and quell the panic that Toni knows is racing through Cheryl’s bloodstream.

Soon Cheryl’s breathing evens out and her tears begin to dry, Toni smiles sadly at her, reaching up to wipe away a rogue teardrop with her thumb. She cups Cheryl’s cheek and the redhead leans into the touch hungrily. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, voice hoarse.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Cher.” Toni stroked her cheek gently “Panic attacks happen.” Cheryl sighs and it’s so heavy and broken it makes Toni’s breath catch in her throat.

“It’s so stupid though, it’s a _sandbag_ Toni- that wasn’t…that wasn’t even the worst thing they did to me I-I don’t understand-”

“Shh, Shh.” Toni hushed her girlfriend as her voice gets choked up “It’s _not_ stupid. Yeah, it’s just a sandbag but a trigger is a trigger, Cheryl. It doesn’t matter what it is.”

“But-”

“No buts.” Toni smiled at her sadly “You had terrible, horrible things done to you, you’re allowed to fall apart sometimes okay?” Cheryl nods feebly and Toni takes it as a sign she’s listened “Come here.” She opened her arms and Cheryl almost throws herself forwards into the embrace. She buried her face in Toni’s neck and the Serpent wrapped her arms around her shoulders just to pull her in closer.

Kevin comes to check on them 20 minutes later and they’re still holding each other in the middle of the stage.

 

* * *

 

It’s two days later when Sweet Pea comes into Toni’s trailer unannounced to find Cheryl and Toni entangled in one another on the beaten-up leather couch watching Netflix. He opens the door without knocking, like he always does but stops short at the sight of the two girls, one foot in the air comically. “Hey, T, have you seen my-”

“Sweets.” Toni jolts up, startling Cheryl from where she had her head resting on the Serpent’s chest.

“What the hell is this?” Cheryl instantly tenses and Toni rubs her arm instinctually, calming her before she can get too panicked.

“This is me relaxing in my trailer with my girlfriend.” Toni squares up to him, one arm wrapped protectively around Cheryl’s waist.

 _“Girlfriend?”_ Sweet Pea finally drops his foot to the floor, his eyes bulging and head leaning forward as if to get a better look at the two girls. Toni rolled her eyes, flipping her attention to Cheryl who, though tense, seemed relatively calm. She rubbed her hand up and down her arm for a few moments as she spoke “Babe, I’m gonna go talk to Sweet Pea for a minute okay? Do you mind if I tell him about what happened?” As much as Toni wanted to give Sweet Pea every detail, to let him know just how much Cheryl had gone through and what Toni had had to save her from, she didn’t want to break her girlfriend’s trust and go blabbing about things she’d rather were kept private; it was bad enough she’d had to out her to Veronica and Kevin when she enlisted their help in saving her.

“I don’t mind, he’s your family, he can know.” Cheryl gave her a small smile and patted the hand that Toni dragged rhythmically up and down her arm. Toni leaned down, pressing a quick peck to Cheryl’s lips before detangling their limbs and grabbing the shoulder of Sweet Pea’s leather jacket to drag him outside.

The trailer door slammed behind them as Toni whirled Sweet Pea around “Dude, have you ever heard of knocking?!”

“I hardly think that’s the worst thing in this situation, T.” he seated his hands on his hips and stared down at her, Toni just folded her arms, squaring up to him once more. “She’s your _girlfriend?”_ he asked pointedly

“Yes, she is and I’m the happiest I’ve been in my life thanks for asking.” Toni fired back, slightly regretting the tank top she was wearing as the breeze bit into the skin of her arms. At her words, Sweet Pea softened slightly, his shoulders loosening.

“You are?” Toni nodded.

“I am.”

“Well…” he trailed off, seemingly unsure of how to process this information and continue accordingly. “Then I’m happy for you, but please can I ask how and when this happened?”

“We’ve been together a little over a week after I busted her out of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy,” Toni explained, she was about to continue when Sweet Pea interrupted.

“Hold on, the Sisters? What was she doing there?”

“Her mom sent her to conversion therapy, she was in there for over a week, Sweets, they _did_ things to her.” Toni swallowed back the lump that was starting to form in her throat.

“Jesus.” The tall boy breathed, rubbing a hand up over his arm nervously. “I had no idea, T.”

“No one knows, except for the people who helped me get her out of there, Kevin and Veronica.”

“You could have come to us for help, Toni.” Sweet Pea cocked his head to the side, gazing at her with slight disappointment “We’re family.”

“We may be family but not a few weeks before that you were convinced Cheryl was using me for some _nefarious scheme.”_ Toni waved her arms about in front of his face “I hardly thought that I _could_ come to you.”

“That’s fair.” Sweet Pea sighed “But we would have helped anyway, no one deserves to go through conversion therapy of all things…Jesus, I can barely believe that it still _exists_.” Sweet Pea seemed uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot. “What-what kind of things did they do to her?” He gazed around Toni, glancing through the trailer window as if looking to see if Cheryl was watching them.

“Bad things Sweets, _really_ bad things.” Toni hurriedly brushed away the tear that slipped from her eye, Sweet Pea reached out, squeezing Toni’s bare shoulder gently.

“Is she okay? Or at least is she going to be?”

“It’ll take time but yeah, she’ll be alright.”  The boy nodded, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. His voice was slightly hoarse when he spoke again.

“I’m really sorry that happened to her, if-if she needs anything, or if you do just let me know okay? A Serpent never stands alone.” It seemed as if he’d finished and Toni was about to thank him and return to the trailer and the comfort of her girlfriend’s arms when Sweet Pea stepped forward, wrapping her in a tight embrace. “I’m glad she makes you happy, T, you deserve it.” Toni nodded, cheek brushing against the material of his white t-shirt as he held her close. The two broke apart a moment later and the boy stepped back, smiling tightly as he gave a mock salute before turning and walking away.

Toni had just turned around when the sound of the trailer door opening caught her attention, she looked up to see Cheryl standing nervously in the threshold. “He’s not mad at you, is he?” Toni smiled, stepping up to wrap her arms around Cheryl’s waist, pulling her in and taking in her warmth.

“The opposite, don’t you worry.” Toni pushed Cheryl backwards, the trailer door slamming behind them while she backed Cheryl to the couch, her knees buckling as she hit the leather. She let out a small yelp of surprise as Toni pushed her down, effectively straddling her on the couch before she pressed a kiss to the underside of Cheryl’s jaw, sucking on the sensitive flesh.

“Toni…” Cheryl gasped out, whispering her name as if it were a prayer. Toni continued her assault, moving her mouth down Cheryl’s neck to her collarbone. “Fuck.” Cheryl wound her fingers through Toni’s thick hair, pulling her head up to crash their lips together in a bruising kiss.

God, it felt good to finally be able to do this.

“I wanted you for so long.” Toni mumbled against Cheryl’s lips “Ever since that stupid drag race.” Cheryl pulled back, eyes dark yet filled with curiosity.

“All that time?” Toni nodded, settling herself in to sit on Cheryl’s lap.

“How could I not?” she smirked, colouring Cheryl’s cheeks with a blush “You’re gorgeous.” Cheryl ducked her chin, averting het gaze “Plus…” Toni dragged out the word, waiting for Cheryl to look back at her “Even then I could see the pain in your eyes. You were a puzzle I needed to figure out, and _Christ_ am I glad you let me.”

“You really cared? Even back then?” Cheryl whispered, eyes wet with unshed tears

“I did.” Toni nodded, smiling lopsidedly down at her girlfriend.

_Damn, am I in deep._

“All I’d done at that point was be horrid to you, I was awful about the Serpents- your family behind your back _and_ to your face.” Cheryl shook her head, Toni knew she struggled to believe what she was telling her. A lifetime with Penelope Blossom had left Cheryl cold, callous and incapable of thinking anyone could actually _care._

Toni stroked a thumb across Cheryl’s chin, scratching her fingers gently across the underside of the redhead’s jaw. “That didn’t matter to me, it still doesn’t; I like you for you, Cheryl- the _real_ you, not the persona you show to the world.” Cheryl looked up at Toni intently and the Serpent knew she had her full attention. “I like the you that loves musicals, the you that craves affection, the you that’s kind.” She stopped for a moment, letting Cheryl take in everything she’d said before Toni cracked a smile and winked flirtatiously “Though I am rather fond of HBIC Cheryl…she’s hot.” Cheryl barked a laugh, resting her forehead against Toni’s chin as she wrapped her arms more firmly around the smaller girl.

“I don’t deserve you,” Cheryl whispers, Toni shakes her head, whispering back.

“You deserve the best the world has to offer, Cheryl Blossom…I hope I can give it to you.”

 

* * *

 

Rehearsals were going well and soon Kevin was beginning to bring his vision for the musical together, Fangs by his side every step of the way, waiting in the wings as Kevin drew actor’s marks, sat in the chair to his right as he directed from the audience or running to get him a low-fat skinny latte when the stress got to be just too much.

Fangs was never one for taking orders, except for on the rare occasion those orders aligned with his own agenda and yet, with Kevin, Fangs was all too happy to smile and run errands. Toni clocked it almost immediately, and after some careful consideration, established the only logical explanation was that Fangs had a crush.

Besides, Toni would have had to have been blind to not see the way Fangs looked at Kevin.

Interestingly, there had been rumour amongst the Serpents that the boy in question was hooking up with Midge, which threw Toni for a while. The reality, however, was that Midge was just a really bad actress and Fangs was trying desperately to help her with running lines before Kevin found out. Eventually the second-hand stress of watching Fangs fawn over the boy became too much for Toni: it was time she took things into her own hands.

**Tiny Topaz [3:14 pm]**

_Yo Sweets we need to do something about Fangs_

**Tol Bean [3:14 pm]**

_Wot do u mean?_

**Tiny Topaz [3:15 pm]**

_Our boy’s got a crush and is in dire need of our help_

**Tol Bean [3:16 pm]**

_Is this about that Midge chick? Cuz if so I ain’t helpin, Fangs cud do way better_

**Tiny Topaz [3:16 pm]**

_No_ _you idiot! It’s Kevin_

**Tol Bean [3:18 pm]**

_Huh, u kno that makes way more sense_

**Tiny Topaz [3:18 pm]**

_://_

**Tol Bean [3:18 pm]**

_Don’t :// me_

**Tiny Topaz [3:20 pm]**

_Wow you actually used correct grammar, I must have pissed you off_

**Tol Bean [3:21 pm]**

_Nah u forget the power of autocorrect_

**Tol Bean [3:21 pm]**

_But yea Fangs nd his crush_

**Tiny Topaz [3:22 pm]**

_Yeah, I have a plan to sort something on opening night, gimme like three days and I’ll get back to you with the logistics_

**Tol Bean [3:24 pm]**

_Tiny & Tall back at it again I’m excited >:) _

 

Toni rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at the left side of her mouth as she locked her phone, returning it to her pocket. She adjusted herself on her motorbike, shifting her weight to get more comfortable as she waited in the parking lot. Final period was just about to finish which meant Cheryl would no doubt be closing her notebook and clipping her outrageously expensive pen back to the top of the book’s front cover.

The Serpent couldn’t help it as her smile stretched wider at the thought of her girlfriend- it was strange, really, just how quickly Cheryl had become everything to Toni. Three months ago, Toni would have rather go through Serpent initiation again than have to breathe the same air as Cheryl Blossom.

Now…now its as if Toni had been floundering, drowning her whole life under a sea of misfortune and pain and kissing Cheryl is like finally coming up for air.

Toni shifted again, moving her hand away from the handlebars of her bike to the bag resting on the curb next to her. She peaked inside, ensuring the contents were still safe and sound as if she hadn’t been clutching at the bag all day for the exact same reason. She let out an audible sigh of relief before her attention was drawn by the loud ringing of the final bell- school was officially out for the weekend.

Toni adjusted herself one last time, leaning slightly on the handlebars in an attempt at looking cool. The calm she had collected was broken as soon as Toni caught sight of Cheryl, grinning ear to ear as the redhead waved at her excitedly. Toni watched as Cheryl’s pace quickened, her smile radiant and eyes sparkling as she made her way across the lot in Toni’s direction. The girl walking up to her was a far cry from the shell Toni had found in the Sisters of Quiet Mercy a little more than two weeks ago.

“Hey, babe.” Toni greeted as Cheryl walked the last few steps up to the parked bike.

“Hi.” Cheryl tucked a few strands of flyaway hairs behind her ear. “Why do you look so smug?” She cocked her head to the side and Toni averted her eyes, glancing down at the bag once more.

“I have a present for you.”

“Toni…” Cheryl sighed “I told you to save your salary for important things, not waste it on me.” Toni reached out a hand, loosely grasping Cheryl’s

“You are an important thing though.” Toni smiled coyly, swinging their joined hands for a moment before dropping them to get off the bike, circling around it to grab the bag. “Anyway, this isn’t just an important thing, it’s a necessary thing… I hope you like it.” Toni all but shoved the bag into Cheryl’s hands, averting her eyes to hide her embarrassment. Toni flicked her gaze over Cheryl as the redhead opened the bag, she watched as her eyebrows shot up and a smile crept across her features.

“Baby…” Toni stood up from the bike, pulling on the bag to reveal the maple red helmet that she had purchased the day before.

“Safety first.” Toni grinned before the wind was knocked out of her as Cheryl threw her arms around her in a tight hug. Toni huffed out an “ _Oof.”_ as the helmet that was still clutched tightly in Cheryl’s hand smacked against her back. _Worth it_. Toni buried her face in Cheryl’s neck as the young blossom held on for a just a little longer before pulling back to look into Toni’s eyes.

“Thank you, I love it.” Cheryl’s eyes were wet with grateful tears as Toni leaned in to press a chaste kiss against her lips.

“You are very, _very_ welcome.” Toni wound her arms around Cheryl’s waist, hooking her thumbs into the loops of her girlfriend’s jeans to pull her just a fraction closer. “Care to test it out?” Cheryl nodded exuberantly as Toni disconnected them, turning to grab her own helmet and watching as Cheryl put hers on for the first time before she did the same. The colour matched Cheryl’s outfit perfectly and Toni couldn’t help the flood of heat that pooled in her stomach as she watched Cheryl throw her leg over the seat to perch herself behind Toni.

Pale arms snaked around Toni’s waist and locked together in her lap, Toni smiled as she felt Cheryl tap the front of her helmet against the back of Toni’s before squeezing her arms into the smaller girl’s sides. Toni took it as Cheryl’s way of communicating that she was ready so, in one smooth motion, Toni kicked up the bike’s stand, shifting her weight and revved the throttle. After a few rides on the bike, Cheryl had gotten more comfortable with the overall experience so Toni picked up the speed and peeled out of the parking lot, engine roaring as she drove on.

Toni turned her head to the side as they crossed the bridge from the North to the South Side, looking out over Sweetwater River, the water was crystal blue, icy, inviting and dangerous. When they eventually made it to the turning of the trailer park Toni almost didn’t want to go in, she thought of continuing on, driving on and on and on until Riverdale was far behind them. She and Cheryl would stop at gas stations, buy crappy snacks to live off, sleep under the stars and leave the horrors that Riverdale had to offer behind. But instead, Toni turned right, circling the trailer park once before pulling up outside her uncle’s trailer.

Running away with Cheryl would be a dream, but living with Cheryl in a shitty trailer and sharing a bed with her every night was a pretty good consolation prize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always my tumblr is @gayerbythesecond if you would like to come yell at me for the, quite frankly, terrible hiatus this fic unintentionally took
> 
> (also the whole thing with Fangs hooking up with Midge was bullshit so you guys can BET that imma re-write that shit)


	12. Can't find the sound under my tongue when I look at you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again everyone! Finally back with the update, hope you all enjoy the chapter and thanks to everyone who is still reading and their patience in letting me take my time with this story :)

“So,” Kevin clapped his hands together, smiling before picking up his clipboard and directing his full attention to the two girls on stage. Cheryl attempted a smile back but standing this close to Josie, who essentially _radiated_ annoyance, was somewhat overwhelming “In this scene, Gym teacher Mrs Gardener is being a friend when our girl has none, out of sheer kindness.” Cheryl nodded at Kevin’s explanation, she turned to Josie, opening her mouth to begin the scene when the girl’s words stopped her.

“I’ll fake it as best I can.” Clearly, Josie had paid attention to Cheryl’s habits when they had been friends because the poison that dripped from her words was highly reminiscent of Cheryl herself. Cheryl stopped short, mouth hanging open slightly and hands almost vibrating with the shaking that had overtaken her. Josie turned, looking at Cheryl briefly and the expression on her face said it all: she would rather be anywhere but here right now.

_She knows what you did. She **hates** you for it._

Cheryl closed her eyes tight for a second and when she reopened them Kevin was staring at her expectantly. Josie began to sing next to her, the opening lines of the scene flowing beautifully with her angelic voice- Cheryl, however, couldn’t take it, she fiddled with her fingers, glancing down at her hands.

_She despises you. She’ll never forgive you. You’ve ruined **everything**._

“Stop, stop stop!” Cheryl couldn’t take it anymore, the tension was palpable and the voice that screamed in her mind was only making things worse. _Time to face the music._ This needed to stop, Cheryl had to face what she did.

“Hey, I’m the only one who’s allowed to stop!” _Damn this boy needs to loosen up._ Clearly, the stress of directing was getting to him.

“I can’t do this…” Cheryl turned to Josie “I can’t have you hating me while we’re singing a song about friendship.” The other girl simply stared off into space, fixing her gaze somewhere at the back of the auditorium. Cheryl took a shaky breath. “I know everything I did was legit crazy, Josie…” Cheryl trailed off for a moment as Josie turned to face her “But I was wrestling with some dark-”

_Sinner. Whore. Deviant._

“Carrie White-like demons.” Cheryl swallowed, pushing past the racing thoughts in her mind “I am so, so sorry.” It was true. Cheryl was beyond sorry, she knew everything she did to Josie was wrong, that she treated her like an object; something to be held and played with and not another human being. Cheryl would spend the rest of eternity apologising if it meant Josie forgave her. “So please, _please_ forgive me.” Josie stared back at her, her expression almost unreadable but not to Cheryl- the redhead noticed the slight quirk of her lips, she knew she was getting through. _Fuck it._ Cheryl thought before picking up where Josie left off and singing the next part of the song. She pleaded with her eyes: _Please forgive me, join in, let me make it up to you._ Cheryl continued, hoping beyond hope Josie would read her message loud and clear. Soon a familiar voice began to sing alongside her, Josie joining in just as Cheryl hoped she would; their voices blended perfectly as they turned towards one another, switching sides of the stage- Cheryl couldn’t help the way that her eyes lingered on Josie’s form. _Please forgive me._

Their eyes met. A smile began to creep across Josie’s face. Cheryl could have wept with joy.

The continued the song, Cheryl going so far as to step closer to Josie, reaching out a cautious hand to rest on her arm. Josie’s smile just stretched wider in response. Cheryl grinned, the words of the song almost becoming difficult to get out with the width of her smile. Looking out over the audience Cheryl noticed Kevin’s smile that mirrored the two girls’ on stage, the face that caught her attention the most though was Toni’s.

The girl looked up at her with utter adoration. Her eyes bright and smile warm as she watched the two friends reconcile. The song began to end and Cheryl once more turned to Josie who looked like she was about to cry.

Cheryl took a step forwards. Josie opened her arms. The two embraced like the last three months never happened and they were the best friends they’d always been- they held on tight, the hug almost crushing but in the best way. Applause sounded out from the audience as the gathered cast made their appreciation known, Cheryl pulled away, smiling at Josie once more before whispering “Thank you.” Josie shook her head.

“I’m sorry for being such a bitch but you have to know, what you did-” Jose started but Cheryl put a hand up to stop her.

“Was crazy? Possessive? Just purely _wrong?_ I know, don’t worry. I was a different person then, I was…what I did was wrong and I’m so sorry to have put you through all of it.” Cheryl could feel her throat becoming tight.

“I’m glad you realise what you did was wrong Cheryl, just…” her eyes roamed out to the audience and fixed on something, Cheryl followed her line of sight and was surprised when her eyes landed on Toni. Josie switched her focus back onto the redhead “Take it easy this time huh?” Cheryl chuckled, ducking her head embarrassed.

“I will…besides, I don’t think I could chase her away if I tried.” It was Josie’s turn to laugh now, she placed a hand on Cheryl’s shoulder and squeezed as she laughed.

“Maybe Toni Topaz will finally be the one to tame Cheryl Bombshell.”

“My ears are burning, you two better not be bitching about me,” Toni called out from the audience which caused both girls to start laughing anew.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Cheryl blew a kiss at her girlfriend, Josie squeezed her shoulder one last time before Kevin called her away. Cheryl hopped down off the stage, making a beeline for Toni who was smiling at her in a way Cheryl hadn’t seen before.

“So…”

“So…” Cheryl echoed before curiosity got the better of her “What’s that look for?”

“What look?” Toni placed a hand on her chest, mock offended “I don’t have a look.”

“Oh, but you do.” Cheryl chastised, she poked a finger into Toni’s chest “Spill.” Toni rolled her eyes as a blush coloured her cheeks.

“I’m just… proud of you is all.”

_Oh._

“You’ve come so far from when we met and I just…I dunno.” Cheryl reached the hand that had previously prodded Toni to cup her neck, tracing a thumb across her jawline.

“It’s you,” Cheryl said simply.

“What’s me?” Toni looked into her eyes confused.

“Why I changed, how I changed, the reason behind it all. It’s all you Toni, you make me better, you make me _want_ to be better.” Cheryl swore she saw tears welling in her girlfriend’s eyes but she wasn’t given much chance to make sure because not a second later Toni was crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss.

_God, I love you._

The thought alone terrified and soothed Cheryl all at once.

 

* * *

 

After a tedious calculus class in which Cheryl wanted nothing more than to fall asleep at her desk, the redhead made her way back in the direction of the common room. Toni was awaiting her for the one free period they shared but before Cheryl could reunite with her girlfriend, Kevin stepped in front of her purposefully.

“Uh-hey, Kevin…everything okay?” Cheryl looked up at the boy confused, his face was unreadable.

“Not really, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.” His voice was level, almost alarmingly calm despite his words.

“Yeah, um should we sit?” She gestured towards the bench down the hall, Kevin nodded not saying anymore before striding off towards the seat. “Okay…” Cheryl followed, nerves spiking and anxiety building. _It’s fine, everything’s fine, why wouldn’t things be fine?_

_But what if it’s not? What if the nuns found you? What if mother has come to take you back?_

“Cheryl?” Kevin looked at her questioningly, she had frozen just before the bench, hands clenched into fists at her sides.

“Yeah, yeah sorry…” she trailed off, moving to sit next to him “What did you want to talk about?” Kevin sucked in a breath, intertwining his fingers as he leaned over, resting his arms on his knees.

“Cheryl I’m so sorry but…there’s been a threat made to you.” Cheryl’s eyebrows furrowed.

“A threat? What do you mean?” she cocked her head to the side.

“A note was given to me, or rather left for me- serial killer newspaper letters and all, warning that if I didn’t remove you from the musical…the note said that unless I recast Carrie the sandbag won’t miss next time.” Kevin swallowed thickly, turning to look Cheryl in the eye.

 _No, no, no._ Panic gripped at Cheryl’s skin, crawling over her arms towards her chest. _This can’t be happening, this was my **one** chance to show everyone…_

“Kevin, you can’t be taking this seriously surely?” Cheryl’s voice came out haughty, she scoffed as the boy’s face creased in worry.

“Cheryl, it’s a matter of safety- I _have_ to recast the role of Carrie.” Cheryl found herself shaking her head, fingers clutching at the leather of the jacket Toni had loaned her this morning.

“I will _not_ succumb to Thespian terrorism and allow myself to be ousted from this production!” Cheryl’s voice began to rise, she was panicking she could feel it. Kevin looked away for a moment before his gaze landed back on her and from the look in his eyes, he knew exactly what this role meant to her. Cheryl swallowed, taking a breath and steadying herself somewhat “After the fires I’ve walked through, Kevin, the world needs to see me up on that stage.” Tears began to well in her eyes as Kevin looked at her with such care “A dark phoenix, reborn in the spotlight.” Kevin opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by an all too familiar and terrifying voice that called out from down the hall.

_Please, God no._

“Well, they’ll have to wait, Cheryl.” The icy terror that had gripped Cheryl not a minute before resurged tenfold as her mother sauntered up to her. Her eyes were hard and jaw set- Cheryl wanted to crawl under the bench, scrunch her eyes closed and pretend she wasn’t staring into the face of her mother, just as she had when she was younger.

“Mother,” Cheryl spoke, her voice coming out stronger than she had expected considering the cold hands of dread that were beginning to close around her heart. She turned her eyes away, unable to meet her mother’s steely glare.

“Even in a town as twisted as Riverdale, students require parental approval to take part in certain, extra-curricular activities, as I reminded Principal Weatherbee when I told him you _didn’t_ have my approval to the musical- and never will.” Every word was another nail in the proverbial coffin for Cheryl, each pause and intonation a poke and prod at the vision of perfection she tried so hard to fix back in place after what had happened at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Tears once more began to pool in her eyes and her voice came out choked and strained.

“So, you just feast on broken dreams now is that it?” Kevin moved to leave but Cheryl lashed out, pushing him back into his seat. _Please don’t go, please God don’t leave me alone with her._

“Playing a murderous, telekinetic teen who kills her mother? _Please._ ” Penelope could have spat on Cheryl and the redhead would have preferred it to this, the blatant mocking of her own daughter. “This matricidal revenge fantasy? Never gonna happen.” Penelope turned, walking away as if the last minute had never happened, Cheryl was left frozen, her nails digging into her palms as she willed the tears away. Instead one fell from her eye, making a track down her cheek.

_Deviant._

_Reprobate._

_Useless._

She would never be free of her mother, not really. No matter how hard she tried to escape the Blossom name and all that came with it, it always came back, rearing its ugly head and reminding her how futile her attempts at happiness were. Cheryl raised a shaky hand to her cheek, swiping away the tear before letting out a breath that shook and wavered almost as it blew past her lips. She turned to Kevin, swallowing thickly. “I-” her voice cracked “I’m gonna go, good luck with the production Kevin.” She smiled shakily, standing up on wobbling legs and hurried away in the direction of the gym.

_Idiot._

Cheryl picked up the pace, by the time she made it to the gymnasium doors she was almost sprinting. She slammed her hands into the wooden door, crashing through the doorway with a clatter and the choking out of a sob. _What was I thinking?_ Cheryl hurled herself forwards, stumbling over to the bleachers, steps squeaking horribly against the shining floor. _I could never stand up to her, not after everything she’s done._ Her knees buckled just as she reached the first step of seats, bare knees crashing into the metal bench as her hands flew out to catch herself on the next level up. _Why did I think I could show everyone I’m okay when I don’t even know what okay feels like?_

Another sob ripped itself from her chest, echoing around the empty gym as if to taunt her. _Have I ever known what okay feels like?_ Cheryl was spiralling, falling, tumbling everything was all too much and all too little. Her hands shook as she gripped the bench, pulling herself up a few levels to sit perched, precariously around four flights up.

 _Breathe, Cheryl._ Toni’s voice reverberated through her clouded mind, pulling back the fog and causing her to focus. _Breathe._ Cheryl did. Breath after shaky breath she dragged into her lungs until the pattern became steady and her breath no longer wavered. She swallowed, making an audible gulping sound as she breathed out once more. _You’re okay, you’re alright._ Having a voice other than her mother’s inside her head for once was nice, this voice was calm, caring, it was so Toni it calmed Cheryl though usually, it was only the other girl’s presence that could do so.

The crashing open of the gymnasium doors startled Cheryl so much it almost set her off again, but as her eyes snapped up to meet the familiar brown ones of her girlfriend the only feeling that bloomed in her chest was calm. “Toni,” Cheryl said, rather stupidly.

“Cheryl...” Toni trailed off; tears began to prick in Cheryl’s eyes once more as Toni made her way towards her, clambering up the bleachers with a grace Cheryl had not seen before. She came to sit beside Cheryl, turning her body to face the redhead properly.

“How did you know where to find me?” She sniffled, wiping a rogue tear away.

“Kevin told me where you ran off to.” Toni smiled sadly “What happened, baby, he said something about your mom?” At the mention of her mother, Cheryl made a noise that sounded something like a mix between a scoff and a sob.

“Yeah, …let’s just say my mother wasn’t all too happy about my starring role.” Cheryl let out an empty laugh. She glanced up to see Toni looking at her with wet eyes.

“I’m so sorry, babe, I know how much this meant to you.” Toni’s throat bobbed as she swallowed.

“Screw the musical. I just wanted to prove to everyone that I’m still me…but maybe I’m not.”

_You’ll always be a good-for-nothing sinner._

Cheryl squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her jaw briefly before pushing the voice away. She leaned back, looking up into Toni’s eyes, there was something behind the warm brown irises that Cheryl didn’t recognise, determination perhaps? “Toni, even Carrie White could stand up to her mother…” she swallowed thickly. _Do not cry, don’t be weak._

“Cheryl, you gotta show your mother who’s in charge.” Cheryl found herself shaking her head before Toni had even finished, she turned away once more, blinking away the tear that was pooling in her right eye.

“I don’t know if I can anymore…” She leaned down, resting her weary head on her upturned hand, with a sick flare of humour she added: “I’m not the same girl who burned down Thornhill and cut off her oxygen.”

“Sure you are.” Toni’s voice filtered through the haze of despair, a slight lilt of humour in her tone. The tear that Cheryl tried so hard to keep at bay finally fell and dripped onto the seat below, she was about to give up, just let the tears come like they so often did when she was around her girlfriend but what happened next stopped her. _“What a surprise, gazing into your eyes. I swear that I still get lost in the light.”_

Toni was singing, and singing to _her_ no less. It was one of the songs from the musical, the Tommy and Sue duet that Cheryl _definitely_ hadn’t learned because she thought of Toni every time she heard it. Cheryl found herself smiling despite the situation, gazing up at Toni before she leaned back, sitting up straight to watch Toni as she so flawlessly hit every note. _God her voice is beautiful. Then again, everything about Toni is beautiful._

It suddenly hit Cheryl just how lucky she really was, that a girl as wonderful and perfect as Toni would ever care about someone as broken and bruised as herself. Before she knew what she was doing, she was joining in, harmonising with Toni as the chorus hit. Cheryl struggled to maintain eye contact, too in awe of Toni to focus on her fully. _“No doubts, no more fear. I see you shine and the dark disappears.”_ Her mother forgotten for the moment Cheryl took a brief reprieve to simply take in Toni and all the good the girl had brought into her life.

Toni had seen through the façade when no one else could.

Toni had gotten Cheryl to finally see the good in people again.

Toni had shown Cheryl just was love could feel like.

 _“and I know everything is gonna be fine, because you shine, oh how you shine.”_ Cheryl’s smile widened as Toni reached out to cup her chin, the touch ever so gentle but so comforting.

 _“No doubts, no more fears. I see you shine and the dark disappears…”_ Cheryl took over, leaning her head into Toni’s touch, making the other girl smile warmly. _“and I know everything is gonna be fine. Because you’re mine.”_ Cheryl held the note, closing her eyes against the tears she could feel brimming once more.

“You’re not done playing Carrie, Cheryl…not by a long shot.” Toni quirked the left side of her mouth in a lopsided smile and Cheryl honestly didn’t know if she could fall in love with the girl in front of her any more than she already had…and yet, here she was falling head over heels all over again. The redhead surged forwards, capturing Toni’s lips in a heated kiss.

_You’re beautiful._

_You’re amazing._

_You’re too good for me._

_I love you._

Cheryl wanted to spill the words from her lips but held back, instead kissing Toni like it was the last time she ever would. Toni’s hands wound up into Cheryl’s hair, fingers gliding through copper tresses to scratch at her scalp soothingly. The two broke apart but only fleetingly, Toni reconnecting their lips not a second later. Cheryl pulled at Toni’s waist, nails digging into the skin of her hips which by the moan that slipped from Toni’s mouth- the other girl seemed to enjoy.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

_Too soon._

Cheryl found herself at war in her own mind, craving the feeling of release that telling Toni would give her, but dreading the thought of pushing the Serpent away.

_Later, it's better this way._

Cheryl tried to convince herself.

She wasn’t sure if it worked.


End file.
